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Feeling ashamed

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Jennyteddy, Oct 8, 2019.

  1. Jennyteddy

    Jennyteddy New Member

    hello everyone I have been in debilitating chronic pain for years, and now it’s gone. I feel ashamed because I’m obsessing about ageing and looking old, wrinkles I feel everyone is looking at them. I keep looking in the mirror and hate myself. So the physical pain has gone and left me with this. I feel so bad. I’m writing this incase this happens to anyone else .......I know its t.m.s. Could it manifest in men going bald not just a female issue. T.M.S. another way of crushing us I thought physical pain was bad enough self loathing never had this ,.......
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    It is a form of TMS because it's an intense preoccupation that is keeping you from dealing with emotions and living life. I had RSD/CRPS which is the most painful syndrome known to man (burning neuropathy, stabbing pain, feeling like you have been set on fire etc.). I even had bone marrow edema in every toe on my MRI. You know what bothered me even more than all of that hell though? The way my knees looked. They were red and swollen and mottled. My legs were by best feature...I had always worn short skirts and shorts etc. I felt disfigured and it crushed me. This was TMS just upping the ante. It had to create an even more powerful preoccupation visually (aesthetically which struck at the heart of my vanity) and this was hands down harder to deal with then the debilitating pain. Why? Because that's the way my brain works and that's how TMS manifested for me. Someone else might not have cared one iota how their legs looked....they would simply be happy to not be in pain anymore. So this was a huge mental block and stumbling block for me. Although I'm "healed", I still have difficulty looking in the mirror at my legs. I'm 51 and aging is not a fun prospect but I try to accept it and just be the best I can be for my age. I also feel more "beautiful" when I help others. Nothing works as well as that imo!
     
  3. Pietro Carloni

    Pietro Carloni Peer Supporter

    Hello, I do the same in my time without symptoms. I've noticed when At the mirror I mortificante myself with bad affirmation such "oh you look so fat" or "my nose is so big". I think all of these stuff are only equivalents of pain. As panic attacks, when they come I feel trapped in a negative spiral that sooner or later leads to symptoms that are more severe if through a period of great psychophysical stress
     
  4. Jennyteddy

    Jennyteddy New Member

     
  5. Jennyteddy

    Jennyteddy New Member

    miffbunny ty s much for replying and sharing. When I was in severe pain for 10years I use to say my life is over and now I’m checking out my face and hating what I see, when I was rolling screaming in pain I never even noticed my face. I’ve been through so much and feel very shallow and not over the moon I’m pain free because the T.M.S. Is holding me hostage. So I am going to work on this I keep checking out Botox and fillers everyone always tells me I look amazing but the T.M.S. does not want me to believe them. Sending a huge hug and yes I don’t like being self absorbed ❤️ helping others and being kind is the way forward but you know the chatter from T.M.S. It’s relentless.❤️
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
  6. Jennyteddy

    Jennyteddy New Member

    Pietro carol I it’s relentless and it’s so tiring and the mirror keeps calling me take look your a mess .....and the rest of the verbal rubbish goes on and on. Ty for sharing and I pray we both know we are beautiful inside and out it’s the T.M.S. That’s got it all wrong. Sending love
     
    Pietro Carloni likes this.
  7. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    The shame you describe as feeling, is part of the inner bully or inner critic. It's a way of beating yourself up and this something you have to become aware of and let go of as well. Anxiety can take many forms and right now the distraction about your appearance is a way of coping with anxiety. Just like TMS, it gives your brain something to obsess over. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look presentable or even getting botox....it's the mindset behind it that matters. If the issue is consuming you and terrorizing you that is much different than someone who puts on some makeup or gets a little botox and goes about their life. I think if you take the judgment out of it, and just looks at it for what it is...another form of TMS distracting you....it won't distress you as much. It's just your brain coming up with something new to preoccupy your thoughts. When you start ruminating about wrinkles or anything related to your outer appearance, shift your focus to what you are really feeling....then acknowledge those feelings (for ex. "I'm scared") and look at those feelings (for ex. what am I actually afraid of?). Then tell yourself that it's just a thought ...not reality and no matter what happens in the future you will handle it. Then continue to go about your day and live in the moment rather than the future.
     
    Jennyteddy likes this.
  8. Jennyteddy

    Jennyteddy New Member

     

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