Feeling a little lost

[Bex1111]

Hello . I have been working on my symptoms as TMS since May 2023 but it began in 2022, with some light symptoms, then panic attacks which disappeared to then develop an ache in my rib which has now developed into upper back chest face head nerve pain , ache , pressure that is all day up and down but often at an 8/10. I have never experience symptoms so difficult that will not let up even at night. I have had many test done . I recently went to an appointment with a neurologist as it was my last appointment due to an 8 month wait. He was very kind and recognised that this is possibly stress but wanted to do a few extra bloods and wanted to try one more anti anxiety to help. Also suggested similar TMS approache , to move my body to increase natural morphine, to drink water , to not focus on symptoms etc. I have seen many TMS people, groups, processes. I just feel like its getting worse and I'm so lost on how to cope with such pain . I have read all books, accepted my feelings and past , journalling, go out and do things as much as possibly. I visualise too. I don't know what else to do or how to get throughout such pain anymore. I would appreciate some advice. Many many thanks Becky

 

[Baseball65]

Also suggested similar TMS approache , to move my body to increase natural morphine, to drink water , to not focus on symptoms etc. I have seen many TMS people, groups, processes. I just feel like its getting worse and I'm so lost on how to cope with such pain . I have read all books, accepted my feelings and past , journalling, go out and do things as much as possibly. I visualise too. I don't know what else to do or how to get throughout such pain anymore. I would appreciate some advice. Many many thanks Becky

Hmm.. None of the things on your list seem to be focusing on ANGER and RAGE. 'accepting my feelings' is still in the realm of 'perceived emotions'

Seems like there is lots of new apps, writers and therapists clouding the TMSsphere with feelgood 'acceptance' crap..this is about finding and expressing and digging out repressed rage, which is rarely found in my feelings...in fact the TMS is there to keep me focused on stuff like feelings.
I came to this mess because nothing else worked. I had talked about my feelings plenty at the chronic pain center that didn't help one iota....RAGE, ANGER, SHAME and guilt that I should be feeling but am not.
That is why I had TMS...and whenever I get a tickle again , that is the first place I go hunting...no apps, other writers, therapists...occasionally I need a prompt from a fellow TMSer when I am blind, but it's usually hidden in plain sight

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hey @Bex1111. I'm sorry you're still struggling, but I'm going to join @Baseball65 and tell you, with sincere but tough love, that what I'm getting also feels to me like a pretty intellectual, somewhat emotionless and perhaps even shallow "acceptance" that exhibits no vulnerability or emotional risk.

You're hardly alone in this regard. What you actually need to accept is that for whatever reason your brain is more resistant to recovery and you're going to have to take a lot more risks. I don't know what this is going to look like for you but lately I've been reminded about two live healing sessions that Alan Gordon did for us back in 2012, and with the audio recordings right here on the forum, they are easy to access and I've been recommending them to a number of people lately - although I have to admit I haven't actually listened to them again myself. I do recall they were instrumental to my emotional breakthrough, in addition to doing the SEP and adopting techniques from Claire Weekes to get my anxiety under control. Alan taught me what it was going to take to be vulnerable enough to really get down into the s*** and face it.

You can find the two links on my profile page, scrolling down to the forum section in my list of resources.

 

[Bex1111]

Thank you both for sharing your advice. I really appreciate it and am open to exploring more of the rage and anger. I have spent time writing about my life and the triggers that got me here, ie, very sensitive child, always had some physical symptoms, anger father at times , high sensitive to how other feel etc etc , . I have spent time with Jim P also who is excellent at looking at my side of the emotions and anger also shame which he heard alot in me. Its just been so long with little improvement and that just makes me feel more hopeless. I am not working but have been doing a uni degree also been out and about more but some moments the sensations have been so so overwhelming. Anyway , I will listen to the audio you suggested @JanAtheCPA and appreciate both your kindness. X

 

[Cactusflower]

@Bex1111
I think you’ve also been really hard on yourself. Focusing on what’s “wrong” and “fixing” - mindset is key, and that is exactly what your neurologist pointed out. TMS stuff needs to be approached what curiosity instead of a heaviness. It can be hard to do when it has us anxious, depressed and hyper focused. I had to stop digging around in my past. Once I recognized patterns, it was enough. Now I focus on the daily emotions, moment to moment which is “life”.
It’s great you are getting out there even when sensations are strong. Even if the next few days after are a challenge, congratulate yourself for doing it! Tell your brain you are safe to experience fear and especially uncertainty, that you can handle it. You’ve proved you can!

 

[Bex1111]

Thank you. I think when you have signs of improving, it helps to have a small sign but because uts been so long , and I still feel constantly symptoms of high level, it has become very confusing. Maybe I have tried too hard , different modalities, too desperately. Sometimes I wonder what other would do with these sensation, especially when they are in my face and chest . They are hard to get over . I will go lightly and I listen to some audio that Jan suggested where Alan spoke about feeling not thinking and it made sense that actually I have been doing a lot of thinking and maybe less feel than I initially thought. Thank you for reaching out to me. I appreciate it. I was also really worried about going to the neurologist, I thought he was going to give me loads of labels but actually he was so cool, very spiritual and empathic and I haven't experienced that much from doctors. Many thanks and blessings too you

 

[Cactusflower]

@Bex1111
You are still focused on the physical -speaking of sensations and pain levels.
What other symptoms have gone hand and hand with those? What is the driver of TMS?
Have you seen any success with levels of pre-occupation, anxiety, emotions and finding anger? Your ability to socialize, mood, mindset, belief, . anything that has accompanied the physical.
Notice those changes. See the success and congratulate yourself on those things. They send messages of safety to the brain, they prove you are truly ok. Your mindset needs to shift. It can take much time. Jim has videos discussing the pain fear loop but the exact same loop can happen with mindset - shifting from feeling a victim of the sensations to feeling empowered by your taking control of things. I think of this when I think of shame - that emotion and self-victimization are so close it’s hard to see this cycle happening.
I believe you can do all this.
Personally, I think you’ve come very far recognizing the things inside of you that have contributed to your physical symptoms, your belief in the mind-body, your acceptance of anger and rage as just a part of you, and a rightful part and how you’ve been shamed into thinking it’s not ok to have those feelings.
I wish you could stand back and see the progress!

 

[Bex1111]

I will read over your message again tomorrow as I am aboutto go to bed. Thank you for taking the time and allowing me to reflect on how I'm doing. It isn't always clear and I'm not always sure I can do this, but every day I get up and try again and try and change the way I am dealing with it all.