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Feeeling lost and scared

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Bob, Jan 4, 2018.

  1. Bob

    Bob New Member

    hi I was diagnosed with a herniated disc, MRI scan L5 s1 I have had severe siatcia for nine months not being able to walk or sit down for any period of time, after having 5 steroid injections and physio with no pain relief I looked for some different answers and found Dr. Sarno book healing back pain evey page made perfect sense to me so put my full effort into curing myself of TMS, I read Steve Ozanich book the great pain deception and have just finished one of the wiki progums.
    I have journaled and started to meditate and practiced mindfulness I fully believe I have TMS but I have never been in so much pain now feeling nothing medical will work and nothing TMS has worked feeling stuck with chronic pain, can anyone help
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Bob,

    I recall when you began to start this work. This was with a great deal of enthusiasm. I am sorry you're not feeling "the cure" as of yet. For many it takes longer than you have given it so far, in my experience. So, firstly, don't give up!! You should probably do another program on the Wiki, read a success story every day, read Dr. Sarno's work every day, etc. Continue with a basic program for yourself, whatever that might mean for you. For many people, it can take months before anything really improves. Many people give up before that...

    Here is a link summarizing Dr. Sarno's directions, in case you want to use for reference:
    http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/section-1-introduction.4628/#post-28646 (Official Thread - Section 1 Introduction) Read Forest's list in this thread.

    Dr. Schubiner and Dr. Schechter both offer workbooks for a good price, to help support your personal inquiry.

    While you're engaged in the continuing education, find ways to practice soothing/self-soothing, in whatever ways you can. Find a way to have pleasure and enjoy your body and life, perhaps through easy movement, making or listening to music, talking to a friend, learning mind-fullness, taking up a hobby. Also practice ways of distracting yourself from thinking about the pain, every day. Being in pain is stressful, and it is important to take conscious steps to interrupt the "thinking about pain and monitoring improvements," and getting caught by fear which we all know about!

    Consider becoming more active here, posting questions, ideas, results. Many people find support necessary or helpful as they engage this work.

    Other ideas, depending on your patience and resources:

    -See a physician who specializes in diagnosing and treating TMS, or similarly understood "conditions." The Wiki has a practitioner list. Getting a physician diagnosis can go a long way toward convincing yourself that you know the real source of your pain (psychogenic), which in turn is very important in using this method successfully. You need to be more and more convinced, partly through direct experience as you observe symptoms change, move, or are inconsistent; partly through seeing how your life experiences and personality fit TMS patterns; and partly through outside reflection/confirmation, such as by a physician.

    -Get a coach or therapist specializing in TMS. May work long distance.


    Andy B
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
    Ellen, Lily Rose, Time2be and 2 others like this.
  3. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Take heart, sometimes we have to give things a nudge from a different angle before the pieces fall into place. I certainly did. I found that a more body-oriented approach was necessary to bring down my tension levels and thereby create a calmer environment from which it was easier to tackle the emotional stuff.

    I write about this in 'My Story' and I'd like you to read it because it is easy to get demoralised if we don't get the quick cure it seems everyone else gets. The truth is for most people it can take a bit longer for one reason or another. Here on the forum we're old hands at untangling knots :)

    Have a look at this thread with special reference to the 4 steps I mention and the link to Ace's Keys.

    http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/do-some-never-heal.14869/ (Do some never heal)

    Plum x
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  4. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Hello Bob,
    So sorry your sciatica is still causing you so much pain. My lower back, discs 4/5, a diagnosis called 'spondylothesis' was discovered about 7 years ago, yet at the time this problem caused NO PAIN, instead the pain was focused on the other problem the docs found in my hip joint, where the cartilage had been shown to have degenerated. SO, fast forward to the past year and now the back problem decides to show its' nasty face and I too began to suffer from terrible sciatica. I could not walk, sit, laying down was the best (yet not perfect) pose for my body, but the pain nevertheless persisted. I had to stop doing pottery, unable to sit at a wheel, could barely navigate stairs, only with the help of rails did I manage to get in and out of my house, etc. I truly empathize with you and your terrible pain.

    I read/reread a couple of Sarno's books, read Ovanich's books, watched Sarno and other testimonials on YouTube, still pain. Immersed myself into self-reflection, journaling every day, at least once per day. Many negative events happened in my life the preceding two to three years and I was emotionally drowning/dying. The journaling was helpful but painful in that it brought to surface the many, many emotional downs I had suffered in recent years. Childhood woes were exposed during this very intense time, allowing me to reflect on the source of my path to pain. All in all it was not a pretty time for me. After about three or four months of this very intense personal reflection, including anger, tears and constant pain, (although I must add I luckily have a very, very understanding and calm spouse) I woke up one morning after a terribly painful day and evening and was delighted to discover that the sciatica had for the most part (90%) vanished!! It literally just happened overnight.

    Well, my journey (ongoing) may not be the salve for you but I wanted to share in that I know there is hope for very painful sciatica. I had a milder sciatica issue over 20 years ago and it also disappeared overnight after an energy healer did her 'magic' on me. (another long story) My discs are still out of whack, so is my hip, but my mind is becoming clearer each day as I continue this journey to my true self.

    The advice from Andy and Plum is good. All of these avenues help. Hold fast to your belief that this IS TMS. Your mind is protecting you from something it believes you are not ready to face. We here at TMS Wiki, know you are ready.

    plum and Lily Rose like this.
  5. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    What happened 9 months ago? What was going on when the symptoms showed up.

    I have never done any of these 'online courses' or met Sarno or Been in TMS THerapy (I did go for ANGER once the TMS was gone)... However, there are some good questions masked as statements in virtually all off Sarno's Books.

    1. Personal life... enraging relationships that are subtle because we are 'in love'
    2. Jobs... New Jobs always scare that CHILD inside, even though we have adult shells.
    3. Finances... Can we take care of ourselves?
    4. Mortality.... kids moving out, moving on... someone close dying or becoming ill?

    and I will add a new one, only because my Brother suffers from it
    5. Modern Political discourse... How helpless and powerless do I feel about what's going on in the world around me?

    .... These must be addressed, as in excavated in our own life. Every time I have had a little nudge of a relapse, one or more of these is operative.
    Hope that helps
    JanAtheCPA, plum, mm718 and 1 other person like this.
  6. Tms_joe

    Tms_joe Well known member

    You sound worried about the situation, like you fear it. If you are being honest with yourself you probably have some things in your life that are bothering you. Possibly causing anxiety in addition to this condition. If you work towards letting go of these things you are on your way. Additionally, you have to get all the wy to the point that you become indifferent to the pain. For me, once I became absolutely positive there was no physical condition, and that it was TMS, I just said "Fine, I might feel the pain. So what? I'm going to continue on with my life either way. I KNOW this is nonsense." That's when things really improved.
    plum likes this.
  7. Bob

    Bob New Member

    Thank you all for your reply’s I was having a bad time so it is great to have people who understand to turn to and give me hope, plum your story is very inspirational and beautifully written, Lainey your story sounds very similar I to have had many many negative moments, for me the last ten years and not really dealt with any of them I felt it was just my baggage I carried round with me, but when I journal I just can’t seem to get any reactions just words on paper I’m not feeling and real emotions, any tips or is it just a case of keep trying?
  8. hodini

    hodini Peer Supporter

    Hi Bob,

    Sorry to hear how you're feeling. Just a bit of disclosure, I am not a TMS patient. I am however a co- back problem conspirator! In fact, just recently, my back has started acting up due to physical inactiveness from another injury.
    I can only tell you one of the things that works for me in order to break a pain cycle. Find a position where if you do not get relief from the pain, at least you know your pain is lessened by it. For me that is on my back with a couple of pillows under my knees, sometimes on my side with the pillows between my legs.

    Then I practice what I call "Mindlessness" meaning I read, watch tv, or listen to music. My reading is not my normal stuff where my mind is activated but stuff like thrillers, spy novels etc. Same for tv, better to watch something with no commercials if possible (they are an irritant), find something that does not stimulate thought (there is plenty out there). I try to do this for at least an hour at a time, but try what ever feels good for you. I also find that when particularly bad I take a couple of Alleve. Note if you have high blood pressure you should not take them on a continuos basis, but once and a while is ok. Double note** I am not a medical doctor "If you have symptoms, see your doctor to rule out anything serious and get proper care. No information on this site should be considered medical advice."

    I don't know about you, but I have found as I age, I ask myself the question when things happen "uh,oh, am I about to go into the crapper?" When that happens I try and remind myself of how many times in my life I have been headed for the crapper and even some times had to pull myself out and why this time should be no different.

    Hope this is helpful and all the best for the new year!
    Lainey likes this.
  9. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Hi Bob
    Lots of good ideas floating on this thread.

    Hodini has some good suggestions in how to move your thought pattern from thinking about this damn pain to concentrating on something more peaceful, fun or at least distracting. Your triggers could and probably are multiply faceted.

    Maybe the journaling is not doing it for you, but for me it helped me put my thoughts on paper, rather than randomly floating through my mind (the here today, gone tomorrow thoughts). I guess one suggestion i would suggest is to think of something that irritates you or that you find you are ruminating on again and again. It could be current or it could be something that happened years back. Write about this event, the people involved, the feelings it brings to your mind. Maybe you will discover that this event has made you angry. If so, write about the feeling of anger and what it feels like. What would anger look like if you could express it to the individuals involved in your memory? Can you express this? Why not? Who is stopping you? (keep journaling). Then try to go a step deeper. Think about when you felt this type of thwarted anger when you were younger, maybe even a child. Maybe you could not express you anger. Maybe you were shamed if anger was expressed, maybe you stifled your anger because you wanted only to be loved, accepted, etc. There are loads of reasons people do not express their feelings and anger is one that is mostly considered taboo. Eventually, you may find that the person(s) you are protecting, or holding back your rage from are those you may least expect. This doesn't mean you still cannot love this person. This is when you can begin to understand that anger does not necessarily mean final cutoff, but can instead bring the seeds of forgiveness and understanding into your consciousness.

    There is no one right way to journal, but for me it has allowed me to set my thoughts and feelings free. As a followup, I do not keep my writings but tear them up. Not only freeing my mind from the baggage, but keeping it from haunting me in a written form. For me it is a freeing experience to do this.

    Finally, as Hodini so eloquently expressed:

    "I have found as I age, I ask myself the question when things happen "uh,oh, am I about to go into the crapper?" When that happens I try and remind myself of how many times in my life I have been headed for the crapper and even some times had to pull myself out and why this time should be no different."

    too realize that as I approach a very significant birthday this month, that I need to remind myself that I still have something to offer and it is good to carry on this path as long as I can.

    Kind regards
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  10. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Bob - You might go back to the SEP and refresh yourself on how to do a list exercise. Then sit down and make a list - and then go back and write about the items on the list.

    But here's the key to doing this:
    You have to be 100%, completely, totally, MINDFUL and HONEST as you do this. Because your primitive brain will try to sabotage you: items will pop into your consciousness, but your brain will tell you not to write them down.

    I can practically hear the conversations that occurred in my own head when I was doing the SEP: "Oh, no, don't write THAT down - that's not important!" "That's too embarrassing, you can skip that" "Oh no, that's too negative (about someone), don't go there" "That's too long ago, - no one cares about that now". Etc.

    Well, guess what - those are the things that you MUST write down, and those are the things you MUST examine first - because there's a reason your brain is repressing them. They might or might not be earth-shattering, but they will be revealing, IF you are willing to face them. This is going to be true whether the items are old incidents or new issues.

    Good luck,

    plum likes this.
  11. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Huge fan of Mindlessness here ;)

    When in this mode I love crime fiction, binge-watching boxsets (midway through 'Twin Peaks' and relishing my nostalgic girl-crush on Sherilyn Fenn), and music.

    Civilisation may be madness but it creates first class vicarious pleasures. Just the tonic for giving the mind~body the night off.
  12. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Babe, you can't try to feel emotions. (Journaling is one way of tapping the vein but even that can be too damn intellectual. Try the tips suggested by the gang but if it just doesn't work for you don't be afraid to bag it and move on.)

    If you can find the time have a listen to this interview and see if it yields any nuggets:

    http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/what-are-emotions-how-to-identify-and-feel-them.15489/ (What are emotions? How to identify and feel them.)

    Plum x
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  13. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    I have done journaling, and I think it has helpd me, but I don't feel emotion when I do it. However, when I have been writing about my father and our history in threads here, I feel tons of emotion. I think it is because of connecting with people, and we need connection. It is a jumping off point for me to explore further. Sometimes I feel emotion when talking to friends and family, but I think I've gotten so comfortable talking about the trauma that its just words, the emotion is locked away. If you're comfortable, start a thread about something you think should have some emotion attatched and find out of you can tap the emotions.
    Good luck, Lizzy
  14. Bob

    Bob New Member

    Again thanks so much for your kind and helpful reply’s, I think I have had so much sadness and frustration in the last ten years on top of dealing with childhood things, I was adopted which I now know is a good case for TMS I found journaling a bit overwhelming and not really knowing where to start, I think I will rework the program I like the structure to it,and now with all your help and tips I will give journaling a new fresh start. I’m overwhelmed by all your support thanks again
    Lainey and Lizzy like this.
  15. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Bob,
    In a way, you already "know" how the pain is caused, based on your childhood, experiences of sadness, etc. Without overthinking it, every time the pain comes up, "think psychologically" and inquire into "what does not want to be felt in this moment?" I am encouraging you to connect everything you're learning in a gentle, persistent way. You may not have to "feel" a lot more in journaling. Just connect the dots, and be confident that you are seeing the reality of what the true source of your pain is. It is this "seeing through" the habitual, incorrect understanding ---and fear--- of pain which will work in time.
    Andy B
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