Fed up with family and work

I am a typical tmser and 22 years old. Everything this screwed up sadistic cartoon I call life throws at me I stuff it in. I have been doing this tms stuff for a year now with some improvement I would say 20% better. I am dealing with severe lower back, sciatica, neck and shoulder pain. Right now at work I deal with an extremely condescending boss who I work next to everyday all day and I'm am about to quit my job because I've become so filled with rage and anger it has made my life ridden with pain. My boss reminds me of my abusive father whom still to this day is the same way. I long for his love and acceptance and self sacrifice my own happiness to get it and in return not expressing my emotions. My mother also died of cancer 2 months ago and I am still grieving. I am just so lost and am tired of acting like I am okay. Tired of being in pain. Tired of watching my friends and brothers enjoy their pain free lives while I'm a shut in and can't do anything except have pity for my miserable life. I also suffer from addiction issues which I have been sober for a year and a half now. My life has just seemed like one big roller coaster ride when the fuck can I get off the ride and enjoy the scenery. This is rare for me to post I just had to speak about it. Thank you for everybody on this post it is the only reason why I haven't thrown in the towel and given up.

 

Hi, Brendan. I'm sorry you feel so low. That happens to most everyone at times. I know what it's like to work for a s.o.b. boss.
I work for a book publisher who is a real nut and find that the best way to deal with him is to humor him and say yes to him on everything he demands, and silently treat him like the baby he is. Maybe try laughing (silently) at him. Having an emotionally abusive father doesn't help. He's that way for a reason maybe only he knows. Your boss may be the same, suffering emotionally
from some things. They are probably taking their own repressed emotions out on you, like the old saying, "Misery loves company."
Don't throw in the towel. We are here to help each other.

I'm glad you've stopped drinking. I have found that a cup of hot milk relaxes me more than beer, alcohol, or wine.

 

Brenden, it sounds like you need to drive out to a field and just scream...then get back, quit your job and find one that supports you and gives you the appreciation you deserve. I had to quit my job 6 months ago because of a sadistic boss that thought it was funny to make me cry. You are going through enough, being a recovering addict, going through the death of your mom. Life is too short to spend it around people, or a job that depletes you. I am suffering a major TMS relapse right now, after healing myself through Sarno almost ten years ago. I knew that keeping that job would not help me and I was right, I am so much happier now and feel more at peace. You are so young, and I'm sure you can get a much better job.
Walt is right, I'm sure that your father and your boss are going through something, or maybe have a personality disorder, but you need to distance yourself from those who bring you down. Forgiving is huge too, I know it sound corny, but forgiveness will set you free, because holding on to the anger does nothing to them. In fact, most abusers WANT you to resent them and hold anger, it fuels them and makes them feel powerful. We are all here for each other and we will make it through. Glad you are making some progress already... 20% is better than 0% !

 

Walt thank you so much. I love seeing your advice it always puts me at ease.

 

Roxy that was exactly what I needed to hear. I was telling my family about my job and how I wanted to quit but they are all typical Boston Irish Catholics with the mentality of just put your head down and get through it no matter what. I am sick and tired of just " getting through it" I need to stand up for myself for once. Earlier this morning my boss was scolding me and putting me down and for some reason everything I wanted to say to him I couldn't. I internalized it and paid the price.