FearFearFearFearFearFearFearFearFear

[Sylvia]

I fear the collapse, so therefore I have been trying and hoping to get well without it. Hoping to incrementally move forward, pacing, a little at a time so that I don't bring on a collapse. For me a collapse is month upon month of being bedridden. You know where this has gotten me? NOWHERE. NONE THE BETTER.

I see that this fear/terror is hampering me. TMS has got me in a stranglehold because of the fear of physicality.

And Dr. Sarno said The treatment program rests on two pillars.

1 The acquisition of knowledge, of insight into the nature of the disorder.

2 The ability to ACT on that knowledge thereby change the brains behavior.

#2 is the problem for me. As long as I dicker around I won’t have to get bedbound being much worse. And then again, I wont be able to take my life back and fight my way out of this habitual response of chronic fatigue unless I challenge and not pull back.

Time to get MAD instead of self-pitying (especially if the collapse comes) let it come, I'll keep going anyways.

Others have done it and I can too.

Is this the only way to put Sarno’s second guidline into action?

To do battle like SteveO did in his book, which he was virtually bedbound by his back pain. So it is what I can relate to as far as the fatigue I endure.

 

[Karen]

Sylvia, I read Dr. Claire Weeks book many, many years ago when I was facing panic attack after panic attack, and right to this very day, I still get up and do what she suggested.....jump up and down, flail the arms and get mad. Now I don't really suffer from panic attacks anymore but in the last 3 days since I found this site...that's what I've been doing with the pain. To the best of my ability I am running up and down my stairs (once the stiffness of the morning wears off) and telling my brain that I understand what it's doing. I've been stretching and bending and moving around as much as I can. I've been thanking my brain for giving me such a strong message that I must NOW make some changes in my life. Last night I fell asleep talking to my brain and telling it that it may now lesson the pain in my body because I know the strong, clear message it is giving me.

Personally, I have to FORCE myself to take back my life again. I have to get real angry and tell myself, 'Enough'!!!

I'm going to act like a 25 year old again!!!! Damn! We can do this!!! Lol

Best wishes for recovery!!

 

[chickenbone]

Hi Sylvia, I think I can understand what you mean about crashing, having a breakdown. In my case, I got over the pain once I really believed that it was harmless. The biggest thing that I fear is having a mental breakdown because I have so much more anxiety since the pain doesn't frighten me much anymore. What I fear most is that I wouldn't be able to sleep at all and I would become psychotic from lack of sleep. Although I am pretty sure this wouldn't happen, I am still so afraid of it. I think that the TMS strategy finds what we are most afraid of and then uses that to try to distract us. That is why I still have to take some meds for sleep. I have had such battles with my unconscious mind. One time, in response to a phobia I have, the strategy gave me a very bad allergy attack. I threatened to literally knock myself out if it did not stop what it was doing. A lot like you Karen, I just will not tolerate it anymore!

 

[futuredancer]

Hi chiken bone, I had insomnia for more than 10 years. I finally conquered it the day I told myself: "It is ok if I don't sleep at all. I know I have to work the next day and it will suck but some day this will end. So I will have as many sleepless nights as needed. If I go crazy or get sick, so be it. I won't take any meds. I will endure this till my mind/body gives up". Since then, I have been able to sleep in less than 2 minutes once I hit the pillow. And I had insomnia episodes that lasted a full week. The day that I faced the fear I had of feeling miserable the next day and challenged it, the insomnia went away. I hope I can also learn to do that to my hip pain.

 

[Sylvia]

Are you all ladies?
You are like Warriors and I gotta become one.
I felt that I used to be a Warrior but 25 years of CFS/TMS has really worn me down into a torpor of learned helplessness. I know I've got to willingly allow the overtaking of a bedridden level of fatigue to box my way out of it and kick this devil. Otherwise, I am staying in the fear of symptoms worsening which never never allows one to get better. And I am still shaking in my boots. In fact I've got a friend who agreed to coach me. And that will help. Otherwise the feeling of abandonment and helplessness will overwhelm me and I won't try but to rest and be still and wait for the "relapse" to pass into my normal level of disability.
I need to ROAR.

a prayer : Lord, may I adopt Your strength and the strength from others to win my energy back.
Amen

 

[Karen]

Are you all ladies?
You are like Warriors and I gotta become one.
I felt that I used to be a Warrior but 25 years of CFS/TMS has really worn me down into a torpor of learned helplessness. I know I've got to willingly allow the overtaking of a bedridden level of fatigue to box my way out of it and kick this devil. Otherwise, I am staying in the fear of symptoms worsening which never never allows one to get better. And I am still shaking in my boots. In fact I've got a friend who agreed to coach me. And that will help. Otherwise the feeling of abandonment and helplessness will overwhelm me and I won't try but to rest and be still and wait for the "relapse" to pass into my normal level of disability.
I need to ROAR.

a prayer : Lord, may I adopt Your strength and the strength from others to win my energy back.
Amen

Sylvia, when I woke up this morning, I could not walk again. I wanted to get on my hands and knees and crawl up the hallway because the pain was so intense. I kept telling my brain that I knew what it was doing and how I knew it was trying to distract me from my very angry emotions. I continued with each painful step to tell my brain that I was going to work it all out and I thanked my brain and told it that I did not need the pain as a distraction anymore.

I did my very best to ignore the pain (As hard as that is!) and continued walking like it was 'no problem' (I might add with a tear in my eye). Now I am 'loosened up' a bit and have full intentions to get on my treadmill this morning and walk. I am going to blast my favorite disco music (that always makes me happy) and continue to fight this monster. C'mon girlfriend, you can do it!!! Let's do it together!!!

 

[gailnyc]

Hi chiken bone, I had insomnia for more than 10 years. I finally conquered it the day I told myself: "It is ok if I don't sleep at all. I know I have to work the next day and it will suck but some day this will end. So I will have as many sleepless nights as needed. If I go crazy or get sick, so be it. I won't take any meds. I will endure this till my mind/body gives up". Since then, I have been able to sleep in less than 2 minutes once I hit the pillow. And I had insomnia episodes that lasted a full week. The day that I faced the fear I had of feeling miserable the next day and challenged it, the insomnia went away. I hope I can also learn to do that to my hip pain.

This is what I did too. Karen mentioned Claire Weekes's book, and she has a section on sleeplessness. She suggests doing the same thing. Just lie there in the dark and accept the sleeplessness. Don't fight it. The more you fight it the more anxious you become and the worse your insomnia gets. Recognize that you can't die of insomnia. You really can't. Eventually your body will become so exhausted that you'll get enough sleep to get by. Once you truly let go of the fear you will get your sleep back, little by little. Maybe just a couple of hours a night at first, but then more and more. Trust your body. It knows what to do, if you can resist panicking.

 

[UnknownStuntman]

Here are 4 Claire Weekes MP3s, I listen to them every day and find them very encouraging an helpful. Accept it, don´t fight it, relax and let the body/mind heal itself:
http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html

 

[chickenbone]

Thanks, everyone, for the help and wonderful advice.

 

[Karen]

Sylvia, when I woke up this morning, I could not walk again. I wanted to get on my hands and knees and crawl up the hallway because the pain was so intense. I kept telling my brain that I knew what it was doing and how I knew it was trying to distract me from my very angry emotions. I continued with each painful step to tell my brain that I was going to work it all out and I thanked my brain and told it that I did not need the pain as a distraction anymore.

I did my very best to ignore the pain (As hard as that is!) and continued walking like it was 'no problem' (I might add with a tear in my eye). Now I am 'loosened up' a bit and have full intentions to get on my treadmill this morning and walk. I am going to blast my favorite disco music (that always makes me happy) and continue to fight this monster. C'mon girlfriend, you can do it!!! Let's do it together!!!

How can it be that this monster can take you on such a roller coaster ride?? Yesterday, I almost sounded like a TMS guru and tonight I'm a weakling again. Nothing mattered except the depression and pain. Today, I got very afraid and could not seem to 'ignore' the pain. I even allowed myself to lay down and rest for a couple of hours (something I do not do) and the pain has been worse than before I laid down. I can see where this monster of 'fear' can keep croping up!! Darn.....and I was so strong minded yesterday!!!! I'm cursing inside...but not 'on-line'.... cause I'm a good girl!!

 

[D. R. Martin]

"Monster of fear" indeed, Karen. I'm trying with every zing and twinge and ache and burn and weakness from my knees (both of them now) to shout No Fear Allowed. Of course, easier said than done. The TMS constantly varies and constantly keeps you off balance, so that there's no steady state that you can cope with. The fear goes straight to that scared little child inside your brain; it's almost reflexive. Tuesday I took a half hour walk with no ill effect; yesterday I did the same and my legs and knees were on fire, with zingers and weakness and everything.

I know that it's TMS; it leaves its fingerprints on everything. But it has gotten worse this last week. I keep wondering if this is one of those extinction bursts I read about here. Sure hope so. I've been down this hole before and climbed back up several times. Guess I'll just have to do it again. I just have to keep moving no matter what. The bugger real is tenacious, though, isn't it?

 

[yb44]

Yesterday, I almost sounded like a TMS guru and tonight I'm a weakling again.

You are a TMS guru, hon. TMS gurus are human and are subject to the emotional roller coaster of life. You are on your way to the top of the track. We are riding in the cars in front and behind you.

 

[Forest]

I see that this fear/terror is hampering me. TMS has got me in a stranglehold because of the fear of physicality.

They way to overcome your fear is to accept the diagnosis and think psychologically. I know this is simple, but once you accept that your symptoms are benign, there is no longer anything to fear. Remember, the symptoms cannot harm you. Remind yourself that this supposedly oncoming collapse will not happen, because you do not have a structural problem. With TMS, there is nothing to be afraid of. If you do have a lot of fear, then ask yourself if there is something keeping you from accepting the diagnosis and focus on the psychological components of your pain. I know it has been a while since you initially posted this, and I hope you are doing better.