Fear

[map76]

I really got a great lesson this weekend in how important "fear" is in perpetuating TMS symptoms.

I had been doing pretty well lately; getting back to running and biking and worrying less about my "fibromyalgia" symptoms.

Then, Saturday, I got a weird sensation in my throat while eating some spinach. It felt like I needed to burp, but I just couldn't clear the air out. This lasted for hours and had me panicking. I couldn't sleep that night, and went to the Walk-in Clinic the next morning. A little voice in my head was saying, "This smells like TMS", but I just wasn't sure.

Unfortunately, the doctor did see "something" on my chest X-ray and sent me to the Hospital for further tests! Of course, now my throat started feeling 10x worse and I was sure there was something horribly wrong.

After waiting several hours at the hospital, I finally got to see the ENT Specialist. He said that he reviewed the X-rays and there was absolutely nothing abnormal. He examined me, and couldn't find anything wrong.

He did offer to give me the name of a GI doctor. I declined. At this point I knew it was TMS. Anything to keep me concerned and afraid.

This little gastro-intestinal symptom is continuing to linger a bit, but I am convinced it is just my mind seeking a new "fear."

Thanks, I just needed to share with people who understand these bizarre experiences!

Mike

 

[Dahlia]

Good for you, Mike, in continuing to keep TMS in mind when a new symptom appears. Certainly OK to get medical opinions but you were able to keep evaluating your situation in light of TMS.

 

[map76]

Thank you Dahlia. Seems like my brain is desperately looking for something to obsess over.

What is my real fear? That's what I would like to know.

 

[Peggy]

I have throat issues as well. I have not made my way through it yet, it's a work in progress. I also went to a ENT this week, they put a little camera down my throat this time. Didn't see much. A little bump/nodule on my tonsil, a place where I don't notice pain, unless I have a bad cold, then both tonsils are sore not just the left one. Anyway, no bumps on the way down, everything is clear. I get throat spasms and also breathlessness at times which I am attributing to TMS at this time. It's a pain in the neck, literally. Anyway, I made it through the sore back, should be able to make it through throat issues and the anxiety that goes with that. My GP has referred me to a speech therapist, apparently they can help with breathlessness. I am a little leery of a new kind of type of physiotherapy, but maybe I will give it a try, I may learn something. I still believe being present at any moment is the best thing, talking to myself and seeing what my feelings are at any moment.

What is my real fear? That's what I would like to know.

This week I started on Howard Schubiner's book Unlearn Your Anxiety and Depression and I have to say, I don't think there is any one fear, or any one anger or experience, as I am uncovering new feelings everyday. My experience is that one day I feel this and the next I feel that.

Good luck in the search, it may take some time finding your answer.

 

[Zumbafan]

I think fear can relate to perceived abandonment. When I was experiencing panic attacks, I wanted to find the trigger, and I did. One time I had to drive my husband to A&E with a nosebleed that needed attention, as he is on warfarin. When we got to the hospital symptoms would start. I used to work in a hospital, so am OK with the environment. I had to go home and leave him there, as I was more of a liability than a help to him, which was very frustrating. When I reflected on what was going on in my mind, it was, what if something happens to him and I am left alone...fear of abandonment. So, I recognised my inner child needed soothing. I am safe now. Since becoming more self aware, I can spot scenarios and deal with them.
Learning about TMS has been, is, such an exciting journey.

 

[map76]

This week I started on Howard Schubiner's book Unlearn Your Anxiety and Depression and I have to say, I don't think there is any one fear, or any one anger or experience, as I am uncovering new feelings everyday. My experience is that one day I feel this and the next I feel that.

Good luck in the search, it may take some time finding your answer.

Thank you. I think I do fall into that trap of searching for one traumatic event or experience that will explain my TMS. I start thinking, "What if I was abused?" or, "What if I am repressing some crazy homicidal urges?" This just keeps that cycle of fear going.

I guess the intensity of my pain makes me think that the intensity of my feelings must be quite strong. Like, how can my subconscious really believe that pain is a safer alternative unless those feelings are really threatening?

 

[Buckeye]

thanks for posting map76. i spent all of last year being imaged, poked and prodded. still, i get pains and go through a period certain that either they didn't read the images correctly or i have the fastest progressing case of <name any ailment here>. what i don't get is why my brain can go through all those gyrations in only minutes (sometimes seconds!) yet, it doesn't remember simple stuff like "maybe this headache is from dehydration"... nope, it's more certainly the fastest growing brain tumor known and surely some day, after i'm dead, scientists will fight for the ability to study the records of such an aggressive case.

i'm just starting out, have been working on this for a week now and have finally hit day 7 that talks about getting overwhelmed... i hit that point on day 5 (that would have been a better day for me)... but, part of my 'stalling thoughts' have been that maybe, if the stuff i remember is this bad, what in the world am i repressing? on the other hand part of me has started saying 'do you really want to stir up all this stuff?' ... while my body has become gremlin fodder... as i work on stuff, the pain has gone on a strange rampage and things that never hurt before are now getting in on the act.

and this captures probably the biggest thing for me:

how can my subconscious really believe that pain is a safer alternative unless those feelings are really threatening?

 

[Ellen]

I guess the intensity of my pain makes me think that the intensity of my feelings must be quite strong. Like, how can my subconscious really believe that pain is a safer alternative unless those feelings are really threatening?

map76,

I don't think there is any correlation between the intensity of pain and the intensity of the repressed feelings. Nor does everyone have to uncover the content of their repressed emotions to heal. Some people just read one of Sarno's books or attend his lectures, and they are cured from severe, chronic pain. Why some of us need to do more to heal is a mystery, but likely just speaks to the complexity and individuality of the human mind. We all have to find our own path.

The most important thing is connecting the pain to a psychological/emotional cause, and not a physical one. Look for the current trigger, and then look at what might be in your upbringing and personality that is causing your brain to use pain as a distraction, rather than feel the emotions. Tell your brain that you know what it's doing, but you're willing to look at your emotions now, so it doesn't have to create pain anymore. Look for internal conflict around emotions--those areas where you feel a certain emotion, but think you shouldn't feel that way--for me, that is where most repression comes from--the conflict between the inner child (id), inner adult (ego), and inner parent (super ego).

But don't spend too much thinking about this and TMS in general---less than an hour an day. Then forget about it, and go out and live your life while being as kind to yourself as you can be.

Best wishes...

 

[map76]

Thank you for the replies. I really believe that the GI symptom I mentioned at the start of this thread was TMS desperately trying to grab my attention. It basically cleared up as soon as I discredited it.

My pain symptoms (feet, back, legs) are a tougher challenge, as I've been in pain for about 15 years. I truly believe in the TMS diagnosis, and I know there is nothing wrong with my body; but I have a lot of conditioning to undo. It's so crazy: I can ride a bike for 3 hours with no pain, but I can barely tolerate a 15 minute commute in my car.

The voice in my head keeps saying, "No way. You've been in pain too long. This is just part of who you are."

The challenge for me is to commit to the structured program everyday, and not worry about the immediate results.

Thanks, Mike