Fear

[veronica73]

I really love this Dawna Markova quote and wanted to share it with all of you. Happy Friday!

“I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.”
― Dawna Markova

 

[Forest]

I think that there is so much wisdom in this poem. I know that that is how I want to live my life as well - unafraid and open, living everything to the fullest.

... But, of course, it takes a lot of courage to do this. I'm 38, and it has only been recently that I've been opening up a little bit more. I credit participation in this community and what I have learned from all of you, through the forum and through the drop in chats with a big part of this, though, of course, other external events in my life have played a big role as well.

My goal is to keep growing throughout my life. My father, Zipity, is an inspiration in this. He's about to turn 70, and he always impresses me with how he keeps changing and growing. I mean, he's been around for a long time, you'd think he would have figured a couple of things out, right? But, no, I come home and all of a sudden he's taken up welding. Pretty impressive, right?

Anyway, that's where reading the poem took me. I'd love to hear where it took you.

 

[veronica73]

Forest, it's so cool that your dad is on here and that he's open to doing new things--what a great role model!

For me this quote is more of an aspiration...a lot of times I have fear of fear (fear of anxiety itself, of being in pain, etc.) but I know more about what's driving that now. Then there's all the other stuff I'm really afraid of--one of my big ones is connecting with people and having them abandon me and another is connecting with people and having them suffocate or suck the energy out of me. I think for quite a while I just really shut down emotionally to a lot of things just to protect myself from feeling. That is probably right around the time pain started being an issue for me...hmm, why am I just noticing that now? I'm learning it's better to trust and go out on a limb than to shut down and make yourself smaller than you actually are.

I'm 38 too There seems to be always more to learn...I do feel more of a sense of time pressure now than I did even a few years ago. I want to be doing more of what's meaningful for me and less of what I'm "supposed" to be doing.

 

[Beach-Girl]

Ah 38....way back when. I love your progress Veronica. Your posts are always a breath of fresh air.

BG

 

[veronica73]

Thanks

I kind of can't believe I'm 38...I'm starting to get ma'amed instead of carded

 

[Beach-Girl]

Oh I remember those days! I have "sun wrinkles" and have recently lost a lot of weight. I feel like I look like an old skin and bones lady. Oh well. At least my clothes fit loosely -like I like it!

BG

 

[veronica73]

I bet you don't look like skin and bones...we are our own worst critics!

 

[Beach-Girl]

I bet you don't look like skin and bones...we are our own worst critics!

Oh you'd be surprised. I'm tall, but have shed over 30 pounds (unintentionally) in the past two years. I don't like to swim now because everyone asks me if I'm "sick". It's typically the other way around! People who are too fat think everyone is looking at them! Which isn't true. No one cares!! But I've been swimming at this pool for a number of years and made many friends.

People talking behind my back about my weight loss (employee told me she had a lot of questions on the topic) makes me feel uncomfortable when I head to the pool. So I hang on the beach with my dog instead.

And to try and gain weight - I have an awesome milkshake everyday! Really good quality ingredients and next door to our shop!!

I may be critical of my weight, but so are others.

BG

 

[veronica73]

Why are women's bodies always everyone else's business? Have you read this awesome article by Ashley Judd yet-- http://www.thedailybeast.com/articl...or-speculation-over-her-puffy-appearance.html

 

[Beach-Girl]

That is a great article! She obviously was taught not to hold back - by her mother.