hi guys! I'm in an unusually big band sometimes up to 30 people! Many of these people are my dear friends; but a couple of rotten tomatoes can spoil the pot. Backstory: my best friend moved back to town, learned an instrument and joined the band. This was a friend of over 15 years! Idk what happened our relationship went south: we couldn't stand each other. and I endured her painful presence in my most treasured space: the band and its music for over 3 years. It was awful! It almost ruined me.....cause I had an antennae of fear go up every time she was around. A previously amazing and glorious space became a war zone in my head. Well, after 3 years she finally quit the band and left town and as you can imagine my fellow TMSers I was overjoyed. (Trust me I did all kinds of work around his in those 3 years including EMDR (really helped) meditation, writing, I apologized, etc. but I couldn't get over my perceived betrayal by her---and she me. AND I STILL CANT! She's the Bear in my calm forest. And, she's coming back to the forest- as we go on tour she will join us for (just) one long weekend. I have built up a bunch of anxiety and fear around this and I don't want to ruin my trip. I am wondering how to deal with this type of fear patterns and thoughts; this is actually something that is not wired correctly in my head and distresses me immensely. I don't know if it's caused physical symptoms, but he emotional pain is quite great: and I don't believe it has to be this way. She's not a bear and I'm not in the woods. Your thoughts and successes are invaluable - thank you.