Day 32 Fear of making mistakes

"When was the last time you made a mistake? How did it make you FEEL?"

Yesterday I did a diagram-journaling activity starting with my personality characteristic of being "thin-skinned." I filled a couple of large journal pages with ideas about fearing criticism, embarrassment, humiliation, etc., and how that fear fuels my perfectionism/goodism. Even the tiniest mistakes -- those that many people would laugh off -- cause in me a major reaction. I first feel that sinking feeling in my stomach, then grasp at denial -- "I couldn't really have done that, could I?"

Then follows a great deal of catastrophizing: "People will think I'm an idiot. They'll think I don't care. My reputation as a careful person is ruined. No one will take me seriously after this." And on and on. Of course, all those thoughts have the obvious effect of intensifying the physical sensations of flushed face, quivering hands, and rapid heartbeat. This is all accompanied by a sense of shame, as if I don't deserve to take up space on planet Earth.

I know this sounds overly dramatic and intense, and intellectually I recognize it as such. But it's what happens. I'm pretty well convinced that these overreactions arise from some childhood issues, and I'm journaling about them regularly. Also getting ready to begin reading The Presence Process -- maybe that will help some, too.

(So if you spot any typos in my posts, please don't point them out! I might go crazy! )

 

Hi Mike,
This is great to see. Without ever needing to change any of this, you might find just the awareness of this inner activity---and connecting this to Dr. Sarno's theory that the Inner Child has difficult feelings that don't want to be felt--may really help your symptoms. Questions: How does your Inner Child feel about the environment it exists in? How does it feel treated? What might be the emotions it has? Are those emotions "tolerable" for the person you take yourself to be?
Good Luck!!
Andy

 

Hi, MikeG. I hope journaling will help you to realize you are a lot better person than your Inner Bully tells you. It probably does go back to your childhood. You were probably like me... I wanted to please everyone and be liked. I repressed a lot of frustration and anger. My father put me down in front of his friends when I was a boy and teenager and I still don't know why. I was the perfect son... never in trouble, always helpful, doing what I was asked.

Don't fret or worry about what people think of you. It's how you think of yourself that matters.

There are some good videos on Youtube for self-confidence, self-acceptance.

I like Andy's reply.

Treat yourself to something good or fun. Laugh your concerns away.