I am on day 30 of SEP and on day 28, a self care day, I started getting back spasms, out of nowhere, I thought. Except, that day, I opted to walk further than usual as I was feeling a bit bold and empowered. For the past couple of days, I feel as though I have gotten smacked with a baseball bat in my lower back; not where I usually have pain, but certainly where it has been before. In fact, as I mentioned in a previous post, I have a "wobbly pelvis" due to hyper mobility and according to several PT's it can throw my back off kilter and cause lower back pain. All of those diagnoses I have always fully embraced; even now, I flirt with that belief. Then I started writing about it today, instead of doing the expected spider exercise. I started to follow a thread of thought that brought me to the realization that many on this forum have most likely already experienced; what happens when the pain does goes away? How do we accept the fact that so much of our lives have been devoted to getting rid of it? What happens when we have an inordinate amount of time to actually live our lives as we have always wanted; full of hope and energy and able to do what the pain has never allowed us to do; realize our full potential? Is that an even scarier prospect than the pain? Lately, I have noticed that I am much happier; getting more clients from new places out of nowhere, sleeping better and generally feeling more hopeful. Is that why my back is acting up? My emotions are feeling overlooked and put out to pasture? My pain is being relegated to a back burner, probably not a good analogy, as something that I no longer need; more importantly I am feeling so much more free without it? Just a thought; is pain more a friend to me than I realized?