fear of falling

“Having lived with chronic pain, 24 hours a day seven days a week, and finding no solution with doctors, surgeons, chiropractors, acupuncturists, physical therapists, etc., I have reached out for a solution, and that is how I found this forum. The idea of TMS makes so much sense to me, and I have been reading “The Great Pain Deception,” which is further convincing me that TMS could be my solution. In just a few days, I have been trying to do more physically, putting aside my fear of the pain that may follow, and I’m actually feeling a sense of freedom after five years of being controlled by my body’s (brain’s) control over my life. I am hoping that I will find techniques here to lead me through this journey. “

I wrote that paragraph about three months ago. I have been reading everything I can get ahold of to guide me through this process and practicing what has been recommended. I’ve been journaling two times a day, practicing a form of meditation explained in Back in Control, and been reading through the educational program offered here on the forum.

Some history. I began experiencing lumbar pain five years ago that came on suddenly, along with sciatica. I was in a contentious workplace situation that was very difficult to deal with, and my work as a court reporter in a very tension inducing posture and stressful situation further exacerbated my pain. My pain continued to travel further down my leg, and then I began having weakness in the opposite leg than the pain. After suffering for three years, I eventually took an early retirement, which in and of itself, created anger and frustration.

To add to my troubles, I made the mistake of filing a workers comp. case as I was sure it was caused by the hours of sitting in a tense posture and under stressful conditions. Workers comp. has been a nightmare. Most of the treatments my PC doctor requested were denied. I did have two MRIs, which according to the orthopedic surgeon I saw showed nothing that should be causing the amount of pain I am experiencing. I also had a nerve conduction, which was normal.

The weakness in my leg has gotten to a point where I am currently walking with a great deal of difficulty and am using a cane to ambulate. I have fallen down seven or eight times, bruising myself up pretty good each time.

I know that Dr. Sarno and others have said you need to accept the diagnosis, and then you need to resume all your normal activities. Although I am about 80 percent convinced it is TMS, the problem I’m having is knowing how to resume my activities when my leg is so weak that I fall. Does anyone have any suggestions in that regard? I feel if I could lose the fear and get back to moving, I’m sure I would start to feel better, but the fear of falling is more than I can conquer.

 

I think you're "walking" in two worlds: the workman's comp one...and trying to get therapies, etc., and the world of TMS.
As Sarno and Steven Ozanich write...you can't stay in the "treatment" world and have your mind fully accept that your symptoms are psychological.
It appears that the tests you've had so far show your physical condition to not have any serious issues. Accept this good news fully.

Here's what I would do: begin to visualize both legs being of equal strength and steadiness. Visualize yourself walking and smiling somewhere you enjoy being. Do this before you sleep and in the morning.
Decide that you don't need a cane. Start out for 10 minutes, so that you trust yourself. Then increase that time.
Put away all the papers and doctor diagnosis and workman's comp papers. You already have the info you need from them. They are holding you into being afraid.

Ask yourself: What was I thinking about when I fell down? Then write about that in your journal. There might be a common thread to it.
Get present. When you walk, be in the moment. Look about, not down. Breathe deeply. Enjoy movement.

Those are my thoughts. Best wishes to you.

 

Thank you so much for your response. I know that I'm having a hard time letting go of the physical aspect of things. I think because I did have one doctor tell me he saw something on my MRI that needed surgery, but my intuition is telling me that there is nothing wrong with my back. Do you think it would help to see a TMS doctor to confirm my intuition?

I will try your suggestions and give you an update soon, and thanks again.

 

See a TMS doctor if you feel that would make you more accepting of it being TMS. It's difficult to set down the ways we've convinced ourselves of things, but we have to in order to heal. The mind won't be fooled. If you are labeling your symptoms, the mind will make sure they are there for real.

It's a process. I still go through it daily. But, I have far less fear than I did.

 

Thanks again. I am thinking seeing a TMS doctor would help me through this process as I've gotten a lot of conflicting opinions. Unfortunately, the one doctor that was in our area is no longer practicing. So I'm working my way through without that resource. He gave me the name of someone who I might be able to contact for help, though. So we shall see. Meanwhile, I've got signs all over my house. "I choose not to be a victim." "I will do," instead of "I will try." I'm reading everything I can get my hands on on the subject. I appreciate your input.