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Day 27 Fear of failure at college

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Endless luke, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. Endless luke

    Endless luke Well known member

    When I was 18 years old I nearly failed some important courses. I felt scared about it. At my small southern high school I was in the top section of my class but I didn't realize how unprepared that would leave me for the math and science classes at the prestigious university I went to.

    Since I had passed AP mathematics I started Freshman year with Differential Calculus. We had a very slim book and I remember that I was lost on the first page of it. I read, or looked over, that first page many times just feeling stupid. That feeling of helplessness persisted the entire semester. I ended up with a D- (c-) and felt that the professor was being charitable.

    I was equally lost in my computer programming courses where I would spend all night looking at a piece of software that didn't work and having no clue how to change it so it would work. I wouldn't have minded difficult courses- it's that these courses were above my head and I had no way of pulling them down.

    So I felt scared and helpless. Now I realized that this feeling was increased by a number of factors including- not feeling supported by my parents, neglecting my social life, not playing sports, and eating poorly. I just didn't feel like I deserved better food or to have a social life when I was letting something as important as my academic future plunge off a cliff.

    The software courses were actually much worse than the math course. The math course I actually couldn't do much about so it didn't take as much of my time. There were so many evening that I spent in that computer lab just waiting for some other student to have some charity for me and help me out.


    How is journaling working for you? What techniques do you find most effective? Do you think you are avoiding any specific technique or issue?
    I just don't know. I feel like I'm making progress but it's not a direct relationship. When I journal I don't feel more emotional or less symptomatic but I think I've seen progress this past month. Quit asking me this question SEP- you're too needy.

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