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Fear and other unpleasant emotions

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by walllc643, Oct 29, 2014.

  1. walllc643

    walllc643 New Member

    I’ve noticed that pretty much everything I’m afraid of falls into one of the following four categories:

    A. Things that almost certainly won’t happen
    B. Things that wouldn’t be so bad if they did happen
    C. A & B
    D. Death

    Out of these four possibilities, death is the only one that presents a major problem. And since I can’t really do anything to avoid dying, it doesn’t make logical sense to be afraid. This is the argument I use on a regular basis to force myself not to feel fear - perfectly logical right?

    But here is the funny thing - sometimes you’re afraid for no reason, and you just have to allow yourself to feel that fear. You can’t squash it, or reason with it, or bully yourself into being less afraid.

    Feelings are different from thoughts because they don’t necessarily require any context. Sometimes I feel sad, angry, scared or happy for no reason and I need to learn to accept this rather than endlessly intellectualizing.

    I’ve always considered myself to be fairly in tune with my emotions, but I’m starting to realize that I’ve been lying to myself. I’m not so much in touch with my emotions as I am obsessed with the thoughts that I have in response to my emotions.

    Any time I feel something, I immediately try and figure out why, and that defeats the purpose. I’m trying to apply left-brain logic to a right-brain phenomenon, which is kind of like trying to hammer nails with a screwdriver - I’ve been using the wrong tools.

    I’m trying to get comfortable with simply feeling whatever emotion might come over me without analyzing it to death. The reason this is so hard is because I’m going through a difficult time in my life, so most of my emotions are shitty. But I have to feel them anyway, because avoiding them is what created my TMS in the first place.

    So bring on the feelings! The shittier and more illogical the better! I can deal with it.
    Layla likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Wallic, those 4 fears are common to us all. I'm 84 and think about D a lot.
    I found encouraging thoughts from a Google search that help, but still feel, as Woody Allen does, that D is a real bummer. He
    said he doesn't fear it, he just doesn't want to be there when it happens. haha.

    A and B are reminders that we need to live in the present moment. Not think about the future. The bad things in the future rarely ever happen anyway.

    It may not be helpful to spend much time feeling emotions. Spend that time finding ways to lift your spirits and be happy.
    walllc643 likes this.
  3. Layla

    Layla New Member

    hmm.. I have many different fears, some are real options that may happen if I don't watch it/do something against them. I have some 'backup plans' just in case for those too... writing down 'worst case scenarios' and what I can do in that case help me a lot.

    About death - I am not afraid of it. I was suicidal as a teen, feeling my life was so miserable that death would be a relief (but didn't go through with it cause my relatives might suffer) I am not suicidal now, but still think death could be peaceful and a relief from daily struggles and such. For many relatives that died, death was sort of 'relief' as well... I picture it as deep sleep, or something like that. Plus I believe in afterlife, all those accounts of near-death experiences...
    Maybe it's good to reexamine your idea of death? (And life after death?) I allow possibilities for reincarnation or heavens/purgatory :D or maybe it's a whole new adventure like we never even thought could exist... if you read
    The Brothers Lionheart by Astrid Lindgren... (it's a children's/youth book but it's about death, partly)
    walllc643 likes this.

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