facing TMS again...

I was introduced to the TMS concept when I had my first onset of back/hip pain in 2011. I was goint to take a yoga teacher training abroad (at that time, it was a possible way out of my professional status, with which I was unhappy) and 2 months before I had pain on my left big toe that I couldn't find the cause. On my plane trip to the course, I started feeling pain on my right hip, that moved to the left hip during the the training. On day 10, my left hip collapsed. I had an excruciating spasm in bed after class and my left glute literally fell. I had to grab it to walk properly. The rest of the month (since i was still abroad, waiting to come back home) was nightmarish, incredibly painful. When I returned, I went to see a doctor and got an EMG and MRI. And guess what, herniated disc L5-S1, bulging disc L4-L5 and tendinitis on minor and medium glutes and IT band syndrome. When I saw the hearniated disc diagnostics, my pain increased 10-fold. It went on for about 6 months, when I learned about TMS. I didn't quite follow the whole process of working with it but eventually my back/hip slowly got better. In 2013, I had a second bout . This one lasted for almost a year, though its intensity was less severe, yet still incapacitating. I eventually recuperated while doing craniosacral therapy. At the back of my head I knew it had an emotional component again but I always had the belief it also had a physical part in it. But time passed and I got back to physical activity, and more intense than ever. I started doing pole dance, aerial silks and artistic gymnastics, things that really nurtured my inner child, since I was always the wimpy kid, not athletic and really bad at physical education, but who dreamed of being able to do all the flips and acrobatic moves. I went on for about 3,5 year without any incidents. I was not as skilled as my companions (nor as young, I am 39 now), but I was incredibly strong in my arms and had my good moments. I still felt unbalanced in my walk, since I believe my left glutes were "deactivated" after the incident in 2011, and started seeing a PT to do exercises for correction. He recommended, apart from doing his exercises, that i did weight training as well. After a month, in the last day before renewing my routine, in the last series of kettlebell deadlifts, I felt a sharp pain on my left glute. I thought it was sth just minor and went to gymnastics the next day. At the end of my training, started feeling lumbar pain. The next day, I was in really bad pain. Went to the acupuncturist for 2 weeks and felt a bit better. During this process, I remembered my TMS readings and reread Healing Back Pain. I stopped going to the acupuncturist and yesterday went to gymnastics again. During stretching i could feel a bit of restriction but nth really bad. A bit before the end of the class, before they would start front flips, I decided I wasn't going to do them, cause it would be too much impact. We were doing bar exercises and as soon as I decided it was my time to stop, my lower back started hurting. Nothing crazy so I went back home ok. This morning I was still a bit sore, but I was debating whether or not I would go to my silks classes after 3 weeks off. Then I went to the bathroom and as I reached for sth on the counter, an acute pain on my left hip put me down. It is been the roughest day since it started 3 weeks ago, and I am really trying to think psychologically, but the increase in pain drives me the other way. The backdrop of all this is that I am going through financial concerns, aggravated by being the only spouse working, aging parents, one of them with a still undiagnosed health problem, and the same professional crisis I don't seem to have overcome since 2011. I really want to believe it is TMS and I try to convince myself that the increase in pain is my mind fighting back to keep its strategy going. But it is not that easy.
I guess I needed to recap all my story to see the whole picture, which I share with you. If you have any views and comments, they will certainly be appreciated.

 

I couldn't resit a quick update. 10 minutes ago I had a burst of rage at sth stupid a colleague had done at work and was getting it off my chest with another colleague, with "unpolite" language . After that, I realized my pain level went from 8 to 3. TMS let her guard down.