I am trying to determine if these symptoms I am having are TMS. Note: I have had 2 e-visits with Doctors and have taken medication which has not helped. I am going to find a specialist (Ophthalmologist) for further due diligence. However, I wanted to talk about the MANY emotional aspects of this, as it feels like its starting to go in that direction HOW IT HAPPENED: A few weeks ago, I had to go into the office for an "on-site meeting" at work. Of course, since this is in the middle of Covid-19, I wore a mask. Afterwards, I took off my sweater because I was sweating(I only even wore the sweater because its so damn cold in the building), and in the process the mask went into my eye. SYMPTOMS: My eye felt a bit odd on the left side for a while afterwards. Kind of like something was touching it from inside the eyelid. I had a visit with a doctor and prescribed me an ointment to use for a week. Since this point I have had other symptoms than the slight uncomfortableness I originally had (dryness, burning, aching, etc). EMOTIONS/THOUGHTS Surround the event: I did not want to go to this on-site meeting. It seemed a completely unnecessary risk. Further more, we didn't even have a meeting room for it, we had to go in the cafeteria and spread out, so we could not hear each other. The truth is, we have done many meetings online, and I can hear everyone very clearly through headset. Yet they REQUIRED us to go in person. This was the second time they had done this. I for the life of me cant understand WHY they would make us meet in person when it is CLEARLY less effective. It is one thing if they force us to because they think its better for the business, but not only is not it not better for the business, its WORSE. Its worse for the employees, and worse for the business... a LOSE LOSE scenario. BIGGEST INITIAL FEAR: What made this so frustrating for me is that, I was worried... what if I damaged my eye sight? Permanently? And it all happened because of this stupid fucking meeting. In my mind, I am angry and blame the company for this. In my mind, it seems like they thought they would get some minor advantage from having us be on-site but now I may end up with eye damage for the rest of my life. It makes me feel completely insignificant. And its totally unfair. It would be like if someone shot me and made me a cripple so they could make an extra $1000 dollars, and now it affects me for the rest of my life. Hopefully that is not the case, but that was/is my fear and what made me so angry. WHATS MAKING IT WORSE: To add insult to injury, the company has been hurting financially, and we ended up getting a paycut from our salary, indefinitely, as well as a pause on any company match contributions to 401k accounts. It is very demotivating to work for less. And its so much worse when you are already upset at the company. ALSO, we are in a time where we are working more than ever. So we are MAKING LESS but WORKING MORE! The company has newer stricter deadlines on our project. On top of my 40 hours I also work nights and weekends , ONLY to make LESS!!! This was weeks ago and I can't seem to get over it. I hate having to work for a company that I am angry at. But the truth is, with so much unemployment going on, it is way too risky to look for another job right now. Furthermore, I have some big financial goals that will likely take a lot of my time for the remainder of the year and wasn't planning on looking for another job until another 12 months from now. I feel like i'm trapped. At this point, best case scenario is the specialist (ophthalmologist) tells me I don't have anything they can detect (and they will probably give me an additional medication to take). Then in another week or two , I still have to suffer through, and contact them back and they may just raise their hands. The entire course of this will have been at least a month where I will have been miserable, which is time taken from me. This has been a massive inconvenience, and the company could give a shit less THEORY/QUESTION: I'm uncomfortable even voicing this, because it brings to surface my anger which makes me even more reluctant to continue to put in the high effort I have been putting in. Maybe this is part of why my symptoms have persisted? Since I feel stuck here and don't want to have to work for a company that has angered me so much, and my subconscious thinks if my eyes hurt I will look at the screen less, and then I will end up having to work less? Like its my only way to feel some kind of justice in this?