Exhausted, I need some help

Hi everyone,

Lately, I’ve been feeling incredibly drained, and I’m searching for a solution to my exhaustion. Any perspective would be much appreciated. I’m deeply committed to healing, but exhaustion is taking up a huge space in my life right now. I push through it-usually until I crash. It’s not a choice; I have responsibilities. I feel like I am living in a fog, unintentionally harming myself at times and constantly forgetting things.

Recently, I visited my doctor, but he told me he has no explanation for my exhaustion since my blood work has looked fine over the years. I feel alone and trapped inside my body. I’m working very hard to heal, but I wonder, what else is there that I haven’t tried yet? What might this exhaustion be telling me? How could it be serving me? What is it disguising?

Here are some of the measures I’ve established over the years to support my body and mind:
- A consistent sleep routine at night
- Daily box breathing and relaxation meditations
- Regular vitamin supplementation (C, D, magnesium), plus occasional omega-3, keratin, taurine, benfotiamine, zinc, copper, selenium, astaxanthin, and NAD
- Daily somatic practices to connect with my body
- Expressing myself through dance, painting, and writing
- Spending time with loved ones and having fun
- Psychotherapy as a way to deepen self-understanding

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks,
L.

 

I think you need to let go of the idea that 'deep commitment' and 'working very hard' are the way to heal. Enjoyment, relaxation and acceptance are.

 

Thank you, you’re right! I do carry a lot of tension. The more somatic work I do, the more I realize just how much. The other day, I noticed my upper body was tense even while playing with my child while I was actually having fun. I asked myself, why? Then I intentionally relaxed my shoulders. It’s unbelievable how they’re always tense whenever I check in with my body.

I was able to relax in that moment because I had been tracking my HRV during breathwork and using it as biofeedback. Before that, I didn’t even know what relaxation felt like- I had to learn it from a device. I guess I’ve always believed healing comes from hard work because, for me, it always has. I do accept and enjoy things, but relaxation is where I struggle.

 

get the book by Kristen Neff Self-Compassion.

 

Exercise outside, sun, prayer/other forms of gratitude. Maybe a journal where you can write daily about a few things that you are grateful for. Concentrate on the positives. No watching the news, less screen time, especially in the evening.

 

Some of what you are going through are personality traits Sarno outlines as "Striving" - it's that need to fix, and do things perfectly etc. to heal - I sure know that well!
Just drop managing your breath.
Drop the idea of "checking in with your body" so much. You are already probably a pro at that! Switch it up, check in with your emotions. "How am I FEELING".
Reminder that accept and enjoy things IS relaxation - so perhaps you need to look at the whole idea of relaxation. What about it is hard? What about acceptance: the idea of letting go and not having to fix anything at all, and just be is hard?
A gratitude journal or list is an excellent idea - pair it with an "enjoy" list. You may be perceiving things as "enjoyable" because they are "supposed to be enjoyable" and not because you find true joy in them.

 

I will look into that. Thank you.

 

I guess I cannot relax because I am fearful. I am on guard all the time. After reading “body keeps the score” I came to accept that I might have CPTSD.
So what about acceptance? I accept and want to chance… I cannot stay like this, this existence of me is not accepted. Maybe I try to thrive in the wrong soil.

 

Yes I am under pressure!!! I am working on this

 

I am detached from my feelings, I used to be a lot worse, living with dissociation and all. I came a long way: checking in with my body is my way to reach my emotional word. I do not readily feel them. I depend on my physical sensations to understand my emotions. There are still parts of my body that I feel numb. What do you think he would suggest in such a situation?

 

@loveanita

When you ask yourself "How Am I Feeling" you will feel some body sensations, but you want to stay away from focusing on those that are the symptom sensations. Does that make sense?
It's the difference between "How am I feeling?" my hands are sweaty, my pulse is faster, my back is killing me to
"Let me check into my body" my back is killing me, my back is so bad, I will never get better, I hate this, this is awful, my back hurts...

So many TMS folks can't feel their body sensations of emotions because the symptoms take over everything; the mind obsesses on them and feeling anything else: other sensations or emotions is totally blotted out, kind of blank. But just the mere suggestion of focusing purely on the physical will be a trigger for many people with TMS. It is a subtle thing, but switching language can make a huge impact on the brain.

 

@loveanita , how long is your daily meditation session and what it's like?

 

I understand. I know people who have a hard time shifting their focus from their symptoms. It’s totally understandable. I do not focus on my bodily symptoms though. I try to feel my body in order to understand which emotions arise inside me. That’s just it. I do not dwell on them, I observe. They are like a blueprint of my inner, unconscious reactions.

Some examples:
My shoulders up tight: I am tense
Having a tunnel vision, or blurred vision: I feel overwhelmed and need a break
My heart pounding: too much pressure, need deep breathes and slowing down
Touching on my neck: I am in need of support

But could not quite figure out why my brain or my eyes shut down…

My TMS is mostly about brain fog and exhaustion, and I received therapy for depression before too.

It’s great when I feel my emotions effortlessly. The negative ones too I haven’t experienced them for so long I am grateful even when I am sad, angry, jealous… as long as I am aware what’s going on inside.

 

In total between 30mins - 1 hr a day I think.
Upon waking up, I take deep breathes stretching my body slowly for 10-15 minutes. I focus on the possibilities of the new day. In the night, I visit my happy place in my head, and do box breathing until I fall asleep.

I also focus on being mindful during the day: for example when I prepare myself a special cup of coffee, or go for a walk.

Do you have any suggestions?

 

Yes, I do. As I was recovering from CRPS, one of my symptom imperatives was severe fatigue and fibromyalgia (I never bothered to get it officially diagnosed but it matched 100%). On one of CRPS forums I learned that meditation helps to reduce symptoms. As I was figuring out the right way to meditate, I discovered that my routine was reducing fatigue. On occasion, I get fatigued and this routine still does the job. Whatever you are doing now is very good for you, but not enough. I posted at least 5 times on this forum about it, so forgive me that I don't want to type it in again (you can use search function and find it for yourself). Here is what I say about, scroll to 23': it:

 

This is also my problem 100%

I don't think you need to be translating the symptom into a thought like that. Whether it's to think about it or the report it to someone else.... You want to be feeling for the purposes of feeling and accepting for their own sake, the idea is to lean in.

 

You both are in the right place to deal with this. I had my emotions completely frozen, but not anymore. The more you continue on the path of TMS healing, the better it is going to be. You just need to be patient.

 

"Some examples:
My shoulders up tight: I am tense
Having a tunnel vision, or blurred vision: I feel overwhelmed and need a break
My heart pounding: too much pressure, need deep breathes and slowing down
Touching on my neck: I am in need of support"

This is fine, but none of these are emotion, actually things like your vision are the symptoms you don't want to focus on at all. Your brain interprets these things as something "wrong with you". Things like "I am in need of support" is what you are thinking, not feeling.
Feeling emotions are more like:
Angry: a feeling of heat welding up into your face, desire to clench hands.
Fear: sensations in your abdominal area, perhaps a racing heart, or even feeling stuck: rooted to the space you are in.
Sensations of emotions are often very subtle.
My favorite comment you made is my shoulders are tight: I am tense - then you might ask: What emotion am I feeling?
@TG957 is absolutely right, you will be able to sense these things over time and you won't need to even think about them much - they will just happen, in the way the body and mind do their thing. It can just take practice to learn/re-learn them. The fact that you have any awareness about how you are not sensing emotions is excellent! Lots of people struggle with this. I did.

Have you looked at an emotions wheel? It might help you.
https://lindsaybraman.com/emotion-sensation-feeling-wheel/ (Emotion Sensation Feeling Wheel Handout by Lindsay Braman)