My exercise of choice is running, and I haven't done that since December. Even then, I was barely running. The last time I really ran was 2012. Since I stopped running, other forms of exercise have seemed to bother my back too, even exercise that should be "low-impact" like swimming (!), biking, and occasionally even walking. When I saw the chiropractor in the early spring, he said I should also stop doing planks. So now I don't do exercise classes either. They all have some sort of jumping or planking or bending. I can't even do home videos. Usually by the second exercise I cannot do the move because my back just doesn't bend at all. The thing that's struck me as weird about my trouble, though, is that so much of it doesn't seem like what I would expect "bone-on-bone" pain to feel like. Sometimes, like with running, it hurts as I do it, but more often it hurts the next day when I wake up. That sounds muscular, not bony. That's been bugging me. And swimming shouldn't bother me. That's muscular. I suppose that's one of my primary pieces of evidence for at least most of my pain being TMS. Exercising used to make me feel better physically and emotionally. Particularly emotionally. Running was my favorite part of every day. Running made everything more tolerable. Running was my identity. It was my social group too. Now it makes me hurt and sad. (Maybe that will change soon, though?) Now other kinds of exercise also make me sad. The last few times I tried to swim, I felt this horrible wave of grief rise up from my stomach and choke me when I was in the shower afterwards. I miss running more than I can express. I've been walking most days this summer. I enjoy it, and it's going well. I also did swim this morning, and I resolved that I was going to push through feeling stiff and sore because I KNOW I am not hurting anything by swimming. I am OUT. OF. SHAPE. I did 1400m in 45 minutes. I have to start somewhere, though. It's better than nothing.