Hi everyone... new writing to the forum. I have for the most part cured my most serious TMS back pains (6 years worth) over the last year with the help of books, journaling, and 11 months now of TMS psychotherapy, but have had tons of anxiety since. The most acute back pain I had for over a year that was MRI'd and diagnosed as low grade spondy in L5/S1 actually disappeared within the first few weeks of therapy, and most of the RSI-like upper back and neck pains that i always thought were work related began to go as well. Im about 75% pain free I would say. I still get flare ups weekly when under stress, and sometimes inexplicably: the body pain also happens conversely when my anxiety subsides. Symptom imperative still works strongly. Knee pains have come up out of nowhere in my sleep, and upper back pains will still pop up when I'm stressed at work. I now know that all of this is TMS. I accept the diagnosis 1000 percent. We have pretty much determined that stress and anxiety have caused my TMS, and then TMS has served to create more stress, anxiety, insomnia, and pain. I have all of the TMS traits, and have read all of the Sarno books, Steve O., Sommer Anderson/Sherman, this forum up and down, etc. and see me all over the pages. I repressed emotions for a long time, shutting down almost completely for a year during the worst of it, and I still have not been able to really feel anger, though I have had a couple instances of having it come through. Usually in therapy, as soon as the question of "does that make you feel angry or how does that anger feel", some protection mechanism comes in and shuts down my anger almost immediately. I know I don't feel anger when I should, though I got a glimpse of what it feels like a month ago. As far as repressed emotions go, I don't know how much more searching I could do in therapy. Ended a six year relationship and a six month relationship after that (that I have known as a friend for six years) over the past year. Stressful. The health problems/anxiety were a part of those not working on my end, though I realize and am confident that I was not fully to blame solo for those relationships not continuing.
The pains would always migrate and even subside on vacations in the early days. I have experienced a laundry list of symptoms outside of the acute pain...fibro-like and chronic fatigue-like symptoms, insomnia, hormonal problems from lack of sleep, tested/diagnosed/treated for adrenal fatigue and then retested and undiagnosed. I tried every holistic physical modality of treatment you could think of weekly for years upon years including PT, trainers, accupuncture, chiro etc. and luckily was never recommended surgeries from doctors, as the pains were usually moving around. I would always make a bit of progress and then "throw out" my back a month later in PT or under strict supervision somehow, usually in a different place.
My biggest and so far undefeated problem is this: I have been unable to exercise and sleep well afterwards for the last two years. Even before knowing about TMS I had this as a main symptom on and off . I typically experience insomnia/anxiety to an extreme level on the nights after I exercise, mostly after not even breaking a sweat. If I really go for it and sweat, the insomnia/anxiety is scary and the sleep won't come.
I recently went on vacation out of the country for five days, and was able to do some daily light exercise and sleep pretty well by ignoring the anxiety symptoms. It is the best i have done in over a year. It is possible. I still was in FEAR of breaking a sweat or overdoing it, though I kept telling myself that the mild anxiety would go away and that I would sleep. I did. Unfortunately, I have been unable to sleep as well now back in my regular routine. The exercise tends to make me feel especially calm for a matter of hours, and then as I'm approaching bedtime, anxiety/alertness/insomnia kicks in hard, and no amount of meditation can calm it down. I typically will sleep maybe 3 broken hours total over the course of the night after I have exercised. I get a very metallic taste in my mouth followed by constant sleep interruption and anxiety. The anxiety continues on into the following day.
Being as this has happened for 18+months straight, I have tried almost every combination of varying intensity/rest/meditation/affirmation/thinkable: challenging it by continuing to train the next day in spite of no sleep, as well as resting a couple days and going for it again. Have tried resting for weeks at a time also, but experience the insomnia and anxiety as soon as I start back.
6 months ago on vacation I tried to power through 10 days of daily surfing, thinking that the symptoms would break if I just kept going, but they did not. I broke first after being filled to the brink with intolerable anxiety, but i was also reliving through a lot of emotional pain and trying to search for and bring to consciousness any repressed emotions during that trip. I have tried months straight of mantras, affirmations, EFT, brainwaves, meditation multiple times daily, multiple months of abbreviated work schedule, intentional loss of income to heal, etc. My problem has been that I DO fear this insomnia, as the symptom just becomes too intense to conquer. Exercise is the one thing that has helped me to keep what I now realize was always, and still is now, anxiety in check, so I don't know what to do. In all of my TMS readings, exercise is the common denominator to recovery. I can't find any TMS text that doesn't specifically advocate full resumption of physical activities as part of a recovery formula. Has anyone experienced this and successfully beaten it?
The pains would always migrate and even subside on vacations in the early days. I have experienced a laundry list of symptoms outside of the acute pain...fibro-like and chronic fatigue-like symptoms, insomnia, hormonal problems from lack of sleep, tested/diagnosed/treated for adrenal fatigue and then retested and undiagnosed. I tried every holistic physical modality of treatment you could think of weekly for years upon years including PT, trainers, accupuncture, chiro etc. and luckily was never recommended surgeries from doctors, as the pains were usually moving around. I would always make a bit of progress and then "throw out" my back a month later in PT or under strict supervision somehow, usually in a different place.
My biggest and so far undefeated problem is this: I have been unable to exercise and sleep well afterwards for the last two years. Even before knowing about TMS I had this as a main symptom on and off . I typically experience insomnia/anxiety to an extreme level on the nights after I exercise, mostly after not even breaking a sweat. If I really go for it and sweat, the insomnia/anxiety is scary and the sleep won't come.
I recently went on vacation out of the country for five days, and was able to do some daily light exercise and sleep pretty well by ignoring the anxiety symptoms. It is the best i have done in over a year. It is possible. I still was in FEAR of breaking a sweat or overdoing it, though I kept telling myself that the mild anxiety would go away and that I would sleep. I did. Unfortunately, I have been unable to sleep as well now back in my regular routine. The exercise tends to make me feel especially calm for a matter of hours, and then as I'm approaching bedtime, anxiety/alertness/insomnia kicks in hard, and no amount of meditation can calm it down. I typically will sleep maybe 3 broken hours total over the course of the night after I have exercised. I get a very metallic taste in my mouth followed by constant sleep interruption and anxiety. The anxiety continues on into the following day.
Being as this has happened for 18+months straight, I have tried almost every combination of varying intensity/rest/meditation/affirmation/thinkable: challenging it by continuing to train the next day in spite of no sleep, as well as resting a couple days and going for it again. Have tried resting for weeks at a time also, but experience the insomnia and anxiety as soon as I start back.
6 months ago on vacation I tried to power through 10 days of daily surfing, thinking that the symptoms would break if I just kept going, but they did not. I broke first after being filled to the brink with intolerable anxiety, but i was also reliving through a lot of emotional pain and trying to search for and bring to consciousness any repressed emotions during that trip. I have tried months straight of mantras, affirmations, EFT, brainwaves, meditation multiple times daily, multiple months of abbreviated work schedule, intentional loss of income to heal, etc. My problem has been that I DO fear this insomnia, as the symptom just becomes too intense to conquer. Exercise is the one thing that has helped me to keep what I now realize was always, and still is now, anxiety in check, so I don't know what to do. In all of my TMS readings, exercise is the common denominator to recovery. I can't find any TMS text that doesn't specifically advocate full resumption of physical activities as part of a recovery formula. Has anyone experienced this and successfully beaten it?
