Week 0 Exercise "addiction" /control

[mnjeaner29]

Hi All,

Since many/most/all of TMS sufferers are perfectionists, I am sure there are many athletes who "pre-TMS" have pushed themselves to the edge--the thrill of the "edge"--in various sports/activities of passion.

For me, as I learn to exercise in pain, I realize that I have this "guilt" of using TMS education as an "excuse" to push myself. This guilt invariably keeps me in a pain cycle.

I am working with a Therapist who assures me I am doing nothing harmful but the real problem is that I feel guilty every time I "add a minute here or there" on to my activity.

After doing fairly well for awhile, the guilt has overcome and the pain has created a setback. I am struggling with how to assure myself that I am doing nothing wrong--or if I am, how to take a terrifying step back from the activity (the thought of having to change /back off a little is VERY scary also). I believe it has to do with fear of losing control ...this has led to pain in the past before I knew our friend TMS.

I want to be able to comfort myself in believing I am not doing anything wrong but have not been successful.
If nothing else, thank you for "listening".

 

[Lily Rose]

For me, as I learn to exercise in pain, I realize that I have this "guilt" of using TMS education as an "excuse" to push myself.

Keep in mind that each of us is unique, and not every aspect of every belief is for every person (that was a peculiar sentence, but I'll let it stand as is!).

Unlike most on this forum, in this area, I have chosen another path with significant success. I never push through my pain. While I realize my pain is stemming from an emotional distress, I pause in what I am doing to follow that path and address and/or soothe myself immediately. Usually I know why it upsets me, so it isn't a matter of unraveling a mystery. But there are times I do not know, and again, I take that pause to address it. This body I inhabit has been through a great deal, and has been forced to push when I needed to stop.

The very act of pushing IS my distress. When I am assured that I do not have to push, and I feel safe that I can proceed at my own pace, then the pain softens.

For the last two weeks, every single morning, I have arisen very early to drive out to my Uncles and load wood, then drive the opposite direction to unload it into my Mom's barn. My body has felt great. Even my persistent lower back pain has significantly eased. Because ... (you may hear the drum roll?) ... I am alone and no one is pressuring me in the slightest. This gives me great freedom, and I am actually able to go faster than I would if others were around.

As long as I do not feel pressured to 'push', the anxiety eases.

I also believe that ignoring the pain is sort of a self-bullying. Acknowledging it and addressing it is a form of self-compassion. I am teaching my body that it does not need to be afraid of me.

Guilt ... is a peculiar emotion. If we get stuck in guilt, it is crippling, which does not serve anyone. It is rather like chronic stress. A switch that is difficult to turn off. Like any other emotions, it is a signal that something deeper is wrong. That is the trail to follow. Why is the guilt there? What is beneath it?

Fear of losing control is another emotion that can be crippling. This is one of my demons. It remains a work in progress.

Know that you are on a great Forum, with some amazing people. A lot of advice is available. Experiment. Find what works for you. Do not be in a rush. This is a life-long journey.

Most of all, work on being compassionate towards your self, your feelings, your actions and re-actions. Sometimes we make choices that don't work out so well. Acknowledge it, learn from it, adjust and move on. Think of it as just a practice. That is what we do ... we practice Life. It is an exploration.

... with Love and Gratitude ^_^

 

[mnjeaner29]

Lily Rose,

Thank you for your thoughtful perspective...sometimes hearing others' perspectives can help a lot.

I think figuring out the balance is as you say, an exploration. Even understanding what compassion means is...

I appreciate your story!!

And I do like your signature. With Love and Gratitude.