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Exasperated please help

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by billiewells, Feb 14, 2016.

  1. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    hi everyone,
    I have been staying away from the wiki for a while because sometimes I think it adds to my preoccupation with my symptoms. Instead I have been focusing on the TMS therapy that I have once a week. Currently I feel very down and exasperated. I was able to embrace the whole TMS quite easily at the outset and I had a slight shift in my symptoms, but I am now staggering around both literally and metaphorically. I am engaging with my therapy whole heartedly and am open to everything that is coming up BUT I seem to be going nowhere except for that hour that I am in therapy and a short time afterwards. My world has become so restricted over the past three years and I can't stand it.

    I live on my own, can walk only 5o yds or so, can't get into bath, cant drive safely, can't change a light bulb or move a chair. This is for someone who has built furniture, had exhibitions of my paintings and loves people and company. I have read Sarno's books Oznich'sbook and hear every word when I am reading but when I am faced with daily chores, whether it is washing myself or trying to make a meal, the pathos of my situation flattens me. How do I get through this? I am really exasperated at the moment. Please help.

    My symptoms are so varied I wont bother to list them , but if the drop foot, and swollen foot went away that would be a great help. Oznich seems to suggest you just push your dropfoot physically but I have fallen twice in the last month and am loathe to tempt fate again. Also because pain is always associated with TMS it is hard for me to keep hearing this reference to pain. I have weakness, inflammation in alll sorts of areas, but again I don't think listing them is a help.

    I desperately want to be back out in the world, want to move freely, want to change a bloody light bulb and cant stand this endless daily battles.

    If you have got to the end of this thank you and if you have any advice I am grateful in advance.
     
  2. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Hi Billiewells I hear your frustrations. Firstly are you sure all your physical issues are TMS? What do you do in-between your therapy sessions? Journal? Meditation? Breathing? Have you tried the Structured Education Program on this site?
    I know I'm asking you a lot of questions but perhaps in between therapy there is more you can work on.
    Perhaps you need to look at what else you can be doing....I would hope your therapist could also give you guidance as you mention they are TMS.
     
  3. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    having taken a while to assess whether or not TMS, it is vital that I don't confuse myself by going down that Avenue again. Not confusing therapy by doing the SEP, doing meditation, some journaling although that can be too preoccupying and trying to breathe.
     
  4. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    A diagnosis by a TMS Doctor is important not meant to confuse you. Knowing what you are dealing with can only help you.
    What I'm hearing is you're basically just doing therapy. I don't believe speaking to someone once a week for approx an hour is enough.
    Journaling doesn't need to be overwhelming, you can just jot thoughts down as you feel them. I don't journal by rules. I don't believe the SEP program will confuse your therapy but may be a positive addition. It sounds like you need to look for more than what you're doing. Why not speak to your therapist about this? It sounds like you're dependent on them only. Be kind to yourself without feeling overwhelmed.
     
  5. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    Thank you for your suggestion, the trouble seems to be getting a balance. Too much journaling etc can lead me to obsession and frustration with my symptoms but you are right that once a week is probably insufficient to keep me on right track. I also think that living alone can bring too much headspace and too little distraction. I guess like everyone on here, I am secretly hankering for a magic potion that will make all this stop more quickly, and that too brings frustration.
     
  6. Laughalot

    Laughalot Peer Supporter

    Hey billiwells,

    Thank you for posting your experiences to the forum! Where you are right now is A-OK! And what you are sharing is a real contribution to the TMS community, because it's an experience so many of us can relate to. So thanks for being amazing and opening up to the community! What follows is my perspective of your situation, I hope it contributes to you having freedom from the pain you were experiencing.

    Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you have a general understanding of TMS and how it works. At the moment, you are very present to the physical and psychological symptoms.

    Remember the twelve daily affirmations! Insert your foot and other pains in any place where it mentions 'back':
    1. The pain is due to TMS, not to structural abnormalities
    2. The direct reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation
    3. TMS is a harmless condition, caused by my repressed emotions
    4. The principle emotion is my repressed anger
    5. TMS exists only to distract my attention from the emotions
    6. Since my back is basically normal there is nothing to fear
    7. Therefore physical activity is not dangerous
    8. And I must resume all physical activity
    9. I will not be concerned or intimidated by the pain
    10. I will shift my attention from the pain to emotional issues
    11. I intend to be in control - not my subconscious mind
    12. I must think psychological at all times, not physical.

    Also, please consider that TMS-ers share certain TMS Personality Traits - the link will take you to a description of the personality traits commonly associated with TMS.
    It's not exhaustive, but consider if one or more of those traits describes your thought process. For example, I have often engaged in thoughts that could be characterized as Goodist, Legalist, Stoic, and of Low Self-Esteem. All of these combine to create an Extremist thought pattern. My roommate and I got take-out a couple days ago, and I dropped his order, and it exploded all over the ground. I started shouting at myself, "You no good loser! You're the worst! I hate you!" All of this was about myself! I was saying it OUT LOUD! That's not very helpful for getting my friend's food back, and it makes me feel even worse about the situation! I was taking a relatively simple problem: my friend's food dropped, and created a painful experience of shame for myself.
    If you find a personality trait that you particularly identify with, I invite you to share about what it's like to have that particular way of thinking. Consider that you may have a particular way of thinking that is very connected to your experience of pain. At the same time, I invite you to consider what TMS is causing you to miss out on. What would you love to do with your day? Go hiking? Make some artwork? Play the guitar? What's TMS keeping you from?

    Consider again these lines from the twelve daily affirmations:
    1. The pain is due to TMS, not to structural abnormalities
    2. The direct reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation
    3. TMS is a harmless condition, caused by my repressed emotions
    4. The principle emotion is my repressed anger
    5. TMS exists only to distract my attention from the emotions
    6. Since my back is basically normal there is nothing to fear
    7. Therefore physical activity is not dangerous
    8. And I must resume all physical activity
    9. I will not be concerned or intimidated by the pain
    Please remember that you are an artist, have made your own furniture and love being with people! That is who you are. What are 10 simple, easy actions that you could take that would bring you back to who you know yourself to be? I invite you to share what you actions you want to take with the forum as well.

    Thank you again for posting, billiewells! You are amazing!
     
    billiewells and giantsfan like this.
  7. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    Thank you for your input
     

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