Day 8 Emotions

[MSZ812]

I feel as though this exploration of my emotions, especially of past events and current stressors, has led me to be confused as to the origin of TMS. For right now, I believe that my personality is the main cause, and that the pressure I was feeling 15 months ago is what triggered these symptoms. I'm very self-critical and have low self esteem. I feel as though I'm an underachiever from a career standpoint and I feel like my peers are ahead of me in almost every way. In my heart, I know that I'm a smart and competent person. But I don't have the confidence on the outside. Someone asked me the other day about my job. As I was explaining how I felt about my job, I mentioned that I feel the job is "below" my capabilities, but yet I feel stressed and overwhelmed at the same time. It's a strange feeling.

I want to find the root cause of my TMS. I'm hoping this program will help me do that.

 

[Stella]

Keep up the program MSZ. You will continue to learn so much about yourself and your personality traits. I didn't realize I was a perfectionist which is really very funny now. I am selective about what a choose to be perfect in. Your childhood experiences created these personality traits that is why you are asked to go back into your memory to understand how they were formed. You will then learn to connect them to your physical symptoms.

Of my many symptoms...depression was one I have carried almost all of my adult life. I couldn't understand why. I kept telling myself "you are an intelligent person. Why can't you figure this out?" Then I would beat myself on the head for my stupidity (self-critical and low-self esteem). This program helped me to connect that "dark cloud" of heaviness to my personality traits. I now have the tools to manage my physical symptoms and depression.

You can do it too.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

A good exchange of posts, ladies.

I somehow overcame low self-esteem going back to my boyhood and teen years. My father often put me down in front
of his drinking buddies, and I never knew why. I was a good boy, never got into trouble, was a good student in school.

Through journaling in the SEP I realized that my father probably had TMS pain from his own boyhood and adult life.
Working hard during the 1930s Great Depression when I was a boy. He probably just took out his frustrations on me.

I just tried not to let low esteem get to me, and did well in college and a career as a writer afterward. I think the Lord
looked out for me, as He looks after all of us.

Maybe, MSZ, make a list of the things you accomplished and are proud of. I bet it's longer than you think.

It's strange, but even some of the most successful people, even top movie stars, have or had feelings of low self-esteem.

We beat up on ourselves, and shouldn't let our Inner Bully tell us we're not the really great people we are.