Day 2 Emotions

First of all, I find this really challenging. I think that speaks volumes as to how out of touch I've become with my emotions. I was working crazy hours about 3 years ago. I would get so tired and I would tell myself things like, "my happiness doesn't matter. I just need to focus on my work. Pump out work, train for marathon, help kids with homework. What matters is results, not how I feel." Something tells me it was bad. If I started to feel bad I would power through, caffeine my way out of it. The first symptoms I got were actually in line with peripheral neuropathy. Right after I got shin splints from running. I wonder if it was my body figuring out a way to slow me down.

3 things that make me angryI might do a few extra here)
* Never living up to my own expectations
* Compromising my own happiness for others. Being unable or unwilling to say no.
* Trading money for the best years of my life.
* Being afraid of not having enough money.
* When my kids break my stuff.
* Being chained to previous commitments
* Having this stupid back pain.
* Having foot and leg pain.
* Rude doctors
* My neighbor who is so judgmental.
* lawsuits that get my mom in a tizzy.
* my mom's family not considering her interests
* when parts of my yard get messed up. I seriously like a nice yard. I hate it when it gets destroyed by my dogs.

3 things that make me sad:
* my dad not spending time with me as a kid
* losing close friends.
* not prioritizing or maintaining friendships
* losing a job I loved
* losing my favorite dog.
* not skiing
* not running

 

Hi Wannarun,
Although you seem to find it hard, it is obvious you are bringing your juice and fire right into this work. Bravo. There is a very refined version of all the ways you push yourself in your life. A knife of awareness that cuts through the chaff. Your awareness is bringing insight and feeling. You are on the way!
Andy B.

 

Hi Wannarun,
What a big step you are taking doing this work. So glad you are posting and being a part of this community. Your courage to do this is inspiring. I so relate to what you posted here. Keep on keeping on Pam

 

Hi, too, Wannarun. The list of things that make you sad... I share most of them. Never skiied and have given up running years ago.
Two dogs I adored passed on and my darling Annie is 13 and starting to show her age.

Your spirit is wonderful and I am sure everyone appreciates you posting about it.