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Day 8 emotions

B

blackdog

Peer Supporter
I have been feeling so much sadness in response to my journaling. When I was a teenager I buried it all to survive, but now I am feeling it so much. When I buried it, it was because it felt like there was no way across that much fear and sadness and utter loneliness. I guess I am probably more self-sufficient now, but am questioning if there is an other side to this gulf of sadness. It is hard to see the things that have happened in life and that I can not go back and fix them. The people that I have hurt (and that have hurt me), the lost love and the lost chances at happiness or joy if I only had the capacity to feel myself rather than hide under a cloak of negativity and fear. Is this journaling a good idea or too much. I guess I can't know, but I'm sad anyway, so may as well try I think. Thanks all,

Andrews
 
Hang in there bud. Everything is coming to you in its own time. If your emotions are to much then take a break from journaling. There is no right way to go about tms healing. It's ok to be lost but trust your own instincts. Some techniques work for others and some dont but ultimately we all arrive to the same place.

Try not to judge your emotions as CJ said what you resists will persists. Let your emotions be with you without you judging them. It's alright to feel emotions whether good or bad. Let the bad be with you then let them go, but do not deny they are there.

You are on the right track, faith and perseverance go a long way. You will heal just stick with it. We are what we believe.

Ryan
 
Andrew, that is wonderful and compassionate advice from Ryan.

The way I see it, human existence is ultimately sad. One problem is that thanks to modern medicine, agriculture and technology, we are living far longer than we were designed to live, and we have WAY too much time - both in years, and on a daily basis - to worry and obsess about our experiences and our relationships. Seriously - we were originally designed to last just long enough to breed the next generation, and our short time in this world was mostly taken up with survival. But, somehow, our brains kept advancing, and, millions of years later, here we are, and we're kind of a mess.

I've always thought that I should have a bumper sticker that says "It may have been designed, but what makes you think it was intelligent?"

Fortunately, resilience also seems to be built into our psyche - because in order to survive, we have to be willing to move on.

So, Andrew, if you are willing to love yourself, or at least be kind to yourself, I prescribe a comedy break. Just Google "laughter is the best medicine" if you don't already know this to be true. It's a healthy thing to do, but you have to be willing to give yourself permission! Let us know how it goes.

~Jan
 
Thank you both. I agree Jan, and as my previous counselor would tell us, there simply is a sadness in life. I guess that is why so many songs are sad. And I think that if one can come to terms with that it is probably alright. As my new counselor, Alex Bloom, said yesterday, he thinks that I am seeing the beginnings of my sadness and scaring myself. I would have to agree, it is very frightening how much sadness and fear I see. But, I do think that ultimately this is a good thing. My anxiety seems to be decreasing the more I see these. Anxiety is soooo painful. So any alternative almost inherently has to be good. It is hard to see them and let go, though I feel that I am doing that to some degree (probably actually a pretty good degree for just beginning to see them more), because this is so fresh and they are so long buried. But yes, space and perspective are my goal and I will try to remind myself that I am strong enough to do this work. It is hard to be resilient when I am depressed, but I am trying and I will succeed, somehow, eventually. And I already have actually, now (to some degree). Humorous sittings are not generally my foray Jan, but I will try to make time for this and see if I change my tune. Thank you all,

Andrew
 
It's a toss-up, whether to delve into what depresses us or makes us anxious
and whether to spend more time in thoughts and activities that lift our spirits.

I think a balance is the answer.
 
Dealing with sadness can be hard. I know for me the journaling and the readings I have done since I started my tms journey in June have unearthed a lot of pain. I have shed many, many tears and have given myself permission to take time out to feel these painful emotions. I do plenty of other things to make myself feel good also, but I always leave some space for the hurting parts of me. What I have found is that there is not only pain in there. Under all that pain, there is energy that you can reclaim. There definitely is another side of it and what I find there is me - not the version of me I think I should be, but the real me.

I think it's great that you're working with a therapist. When I was in therapy before, my therapist would say that even the great flood only lasted 40 days. In other words, there is a natural end to sadness. I truly believe that we are meant to heal, both physically and emotionally. Judging by the number of success stories on this forum, I would have to say many people agree.

Best of luck!
 
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