Day 8 Emotions

Ryan79

Ryan79

Peer Supporter
Are you having success at recognizing the emotions connected to your pain? If you have, how do these emotions make you feel? If not, what do you think is preventing you from doing this?

Trying the SEP approach again but haven't posted again since I've started.

My pains are in my hands, predominately my right one. Anxiety and self doubt drag me down a lot, and fuel my despair. One day several years ago I thought my job is relatively easy and only require my hands to stay in good shape. I'm a health care provider, and notice that my anxiety is greatest when I'm at work. I've been contemplating a change of practice but am scared to change the status qou. My right hand goes very cold when I'm about to greet a new patient and then starts to warm back up afterwards.

I've always have had trouble interacting with people but I have great knowledge of science. People generally say they like me but I feel socially awkward and have trouble starting/maintaining conversations. In college, I thought healthcare would be a great avenue to pursue because of science. At my current position I feel like I have one foot out the door, and would rather practice elsewhere. Then, there are days I consider leaving the profession due to insurance hassles, patient demands, & self employment.

I have three children under age 8. Fatherhood does not come easy for me, and wonder if I'm ever doing it right. Growing up my father worked all the time, and went to strip clubs to squander money. He went to work at 7am and didn't come home til around 11pm. Therefore I rarely saw him 6 and even a lot time 7 days a week. The noise of my children sometimes get to me. When its wild and crazy at home my hands hurt a ton, and then when 9:30pm rolls around they drop in intensity. The kids do have awesome times and can be a blast. My wife and I having alone time is seldom since we live without family near us. Every year does get easier with the kids, and cherish the moments I come home and hear the word 'Daddy' followed by kisses.


After every journal entry I list aspects of my life I'm thankful for.
1) My savior Jesus Christ
2) My wife and children
3) Artwork
 
It seems your pain increases when you are anxious and/or under stress. As well as the SEP which is great - try and give yourself time to meditate or practise mindfulness. I know that is probably not so easy with all them kids! But perhaps you and your wife could take 'storytime' in turns to give each of you in turn a 20 minute window? Or take the kids to a local park or natural place where you can all lay down and look at the sky (I write this in rain-sodden England - I hope you have better weather!) and teach them to become mindful and at peace. It is difficult but not impossible for kids to be 'fairly' quiet - I get my nieces looking out for fairies in the trees or pools...! It is a skill that may help them avoid the stresses that you have developed, as well as giving you time out.
When you are calmer it will be easier to ponder about your work and what direction to take. Perhaps finding a different place to use your talents - with a calmer atmosphere? I wish you luck.
 
Hi, Ryan. Your thankfulness list after every journal entry is fantastic. Right on! We're living in a time of a lot of people not having religious faith. I am 85, a lifelong Catholic and believe my faith helped a lot in my TMS healing from severe back pain. He is still with me every day. I am a writer, so I also appreciate your thankfulness for artwork. I am a self-employed freelance author of books (see CreateSpace eBooks for Walter Oleksy), so I know what uncertain income is like after more than 40 years of freelancing. I always ask the Lord for more work, not for money, and He quickly provides both.

You are in the right place with the SEProgram. It will help you to discover the emotions causing your hand pain. Your work in health care is bound to generate anxiety as you apparently are very conscientious and take your work helping others very seriously. Try to think that you are doing your best and are not a miracle worker... that is God. Do all you can, but then toss the ball to Him. A priest once told me he does that when the Vatican and local superiors give him problems.

Read Dr. Sarno's book Healing Back Pain if you haven't yet, and follow his 12 Daily Reminders from the book. I like this extended version:

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS
  1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but it is caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does also cause real pain.
  2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or anxiety then the blood is restricted from going to your lower back, for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain. Remember, where there is no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, the pain stays because of fear.
  3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from TMS healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
  4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. TMSers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits, traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build, then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks it is helping you.
  5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you won’t have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed because you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
  6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear, then I feed the pain, If I fear, it’s impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
  7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless. If I want to work against the pain I could but it’s better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I have to be in pain trying to heal because facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them, then I can heal.
  8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my body’s ability to heal now. I can move as I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
  9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how it is hidden -- its illusion, its fear.
  10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face every one of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present.
  11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
  12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling -- The science behind mind-body/TMS healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of TMS. TMS will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off physical symptoms and on to emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore, thus making the TMS of no pain effect on the body. This will in return, give us the cure and become pain-free.
 
Hi Ryan,
I hope you can gently be with the apparent conflicts you (and all of us) have in your life. The conflicts, the desires for a different experience, the pressures all can be appreciated, and connected with your symptoms. Compassion for your life, who you are, your history and your good intentions can flow to you, right in the middle of all of this. This might be a simple prayer, asking for a deeper understanding, acceptance, and self-compassion. We are all worthy of our deepest love.
Andy B
 
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