Day 8 emotions X pain

[futuredancer]

I still cannot connect any specific emotions to the pain. Lots of memories from my teenage and child years have surfaced in the process but no AHA moments or physical indicators of the links. I think maybe I am just scratching the surface and I didnt get in touch with the raw emotions but only with the context they were generated. Hopefully some more journaling will help.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

FD, I didn't have any obvious memories of childhood trauma to go back to, but what I saw, through memories of minor events, was how fear has controlled my entire life (it still can). The fear must have come from some perceived abandonment event very early on, and I have some theories about that, but the truth is I'll never know for sure. It's more important to understand that whatever it was triggered this kind of constant primal fear that is always right on the surface for me - so I'm still working on recognizing when that's going on, by relating TMS symptoms to my emotions, which usually go back to the primal fear of abandonment, or of losing control - or mortality.
Which reminds me, I've found the theories of Existential Psychotherapy to be quite helpful:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/the-role-of-existential-anxiety-in-tms-pain.228/

Jan

 

[futuredancer]

Thanks a lot for the reference, Jan. Reading your comment led me to remember a traumatic experience I had when I was about 7 and was quite buried in my subconcious. I have the impression it was an important source of anger, so I will journal about it too. Thanks again.