Day 1 Emotionally drained

[George24]

Two months ago I had slight pain in the center of my lower back that slowly got worse each day. As a young person, you believe small pains like this will just go away on its own. It didn’t.

That pain just came stronger, and it even started to radiate to my right glute.

My brother in law being extra cautious wanted to make sure this was nothing too serious so we went to the ER. After ordering a CT scan, the doctor came in the room like he had horrible news. He said ‘this usually doesn’t come up on ct scans but it shows a herniated disc, so we will order an MRI’.

All of a sudden the pain was now a 10/10. After reading Sarno’s ‘healing back pain’ I knew why the pain immediately increased as well as why it persisted till today.

Next step was orthopedic surgeon who said the 3 steps are 1) oral steroids 2) epidural 3) surgery. When 1 doesn’t work we go to 2 and when 2 doesn’t work we go to 3. I was ok with trying oral steroids but they did nothing for me. There was no way I was going to do epidural or surgery so he prescribed physical therapy. My pain was getting better. Pt was very difficult but I was seeing improvements. The improvements however weren’t consistent and way too slow. I’m extremely active and a life without sitting was taking a toll on me. I still only lay on the floor or stand up.

The pain radiates to my calf and hamstrings and doesn’t centralize. Reading and watching plenty of YouTube videos saying when it centralizes, that’s a good sign or a sign of progress has me even more stressed.

I was recommended healing back pain and saw improvement but I couldn’t let go of PT like he said. In my mind why should I give up something that is fixing me? By now my gait improved a great amount, I set a goal of walking 10,000 steps and could finally get myself in a car again with slight pain compared to 8-10/10 pain before.

I’m still not satisfied as I can’t/afraid to bend at the waist at all costs. Don’t play any sports. Stopped hanging out with friends because sitting was a problem and couldn’t enjoy the holidays.

I’m at the point where I’m embarrassed to admit, cry, believing this is now my life. I try to stay positive but the second I wake up and feel pain again my mind is in a depressing mood.

I believe in TMS and believe I have it but the book hasn’t been curing me. I’m here in hopes of trying this program and maybe reading the book again or trying the newer book (divided mind).

The small doubts I get is because I originally got Dr. McGills book and reading how he is such a prominent spine professor and healer makes me question not doing any exercises to relive my pain.

All in all, I just want my life back and would love to be able to go on a trip to Hawaii I have scheduled in 3 weeks. I’m terrified of the luggage I will have to lift, not enjoying myself there, and most of all the 11 hour flight. :/

 

[Hedger]

I’m at the point where I’m embarrassed to admit, cry, believing this is now my life. I try to stay positive but the second I wake up and feel pain again my mind is in a depressing mood.

Don't be afraid to let your emotions out regarding your pain. To cry and be sad if that is what you are, feel it. It will then pass and you will gain energy and that positive outlook. Try not to suppress your emotions, then they will linger around.

Plenty of people have herniated discs and no pain or restrictions on their lives. Don't take that diagnosis like something is automatically wrong with you or that you will have permanent pain.

Explore yourself in the program! Be true to yourself when doing so.

Looking forward to seeing post about your progress! Good luck

 

[Baseball65]

Dr. McGills

I just looked that up....sorry, but what a crock that stuff is.

When my pain was at it's worst (around where you are now, post diagnosis spinning my wheels in therapy getting a little better but never healed) I had a doctor tell me "you need to strengthen your stomach muscles and core"

When my pain came(exactly matched your symptoms), I was ripped like a boxer, doing several hundred pushups a day, countless sit-ups, lifting weights and running sprints,etc.....what. I have to be a Grecian God to not be in pain?

I honestly thought to myself "You asshole... I could get off this table and beat the crap out of you even in my pain". Little did I know but THAT little voice...the things I really think but am conditioned to NOT say, was at the core of my pain.

I am now in OK shape for being 55 but I could stand to lose 15lbs or so, getting the old man boiler, little bit of man-boobs....BUT I have no pain because I keep an open channel to that little voice.

and this:

All in all, I just want my life back and would love to be able to go on a trip to Hawaii I have scheduled in 3 weeks. I’m terrified of the luggage I will have to lift, not enjoying myself there, and most of all the 11 hour flight. :/

and this:

I set a goal of walking 10,000 steps

are also tied in intimately with your symptoms. You can't stop having anxiety about the future but you can get 'outside yourself' and admit that it dominates your waking thoughts...and that is REAL progress. Worrying about counting steps is also another sign of a major OCD like action that is designed to distract you from the realm of your emotions.

You can be just as symptom free as we are.... by not counting steps but acknowledging your compulsions, getting some perspective on who you are, and by admitting to yourself that the only reason you get a little respite from therapy is that it's stimulating your bloodflow and reducing the ischemia that is at the root of your pain (Healing Back Pain chapter on physiology) The real 'problem' is in your life and perceptions, not in your MRI. That's just normal aging.

and this mentality is at the root of lots of peoples problems:

My brother in law being extra cautious wanted to make sure this was nothing too serious

'Extra cautious' in this day and age is synonymous with 'obsessive and fearful'. TMS is a body obsession. It is OCD of the body and Mind in tandem. The key is in disregarding your fears by focusing on the real culprit who will be found in your life and relationships and purpose.

You want to be well in three weeks? You can be. That's why I didn't waste your time beating around the bush.

peace