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Day 8 Emotionally constipated!

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by walker, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. walker

    walker New Member

    I'm not getting on with the journal writing - although I've kept a journal for 30 years, I just can't seem to raise emotions by using this technique - I get a faint echo of them, like they're trying to shout through the 6" glass of my bathysphere… but that's all. Then occasionally I'll get swamped with emotion at some other random time, like when I'm driving or out for a walk. (or especially when I'm cold and trying to light the fire and it doesn't want to go!)

    Anyone else had this problem, and how did you get through it??
     
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Walker. You've tried discovering any repressed emotions through journaling and don't seem to have found any. Maybe the emotions causing you pain
    are from a perfectionist or goodish personality... trying to be perfect in everything and wanting everyone to like and approve of you all the time, or knocking yourself out trying to please others.

    You may also not believe in TMS 100 percent, but that's what it takes.

    When you get swamped with emotion sometimes, write down what they are and it may help you to discover something deep from your past that is causing you to have pain.

    I hope these suggestions help. It takes a lot of perseverance and faith.

    You're ahead of others with pain who can't walk or drive. Be grateful for that.
     
  3. MellieV

    MellieV Peer Supporter

    Sometimes I would journal and then connect the dots later, or my ah-ha moment would come later, after I thought about something I wrote.

    You say you get a faint echo of emotions when you journal? I wonder if maybe you are not journaling 100% honestly. In the beginning I think I was guilty of this. I found myself journaling as if I was afraid someone might find my writing and read the things I wrote, then get mad or upset at me.
    For instance (and this is a random example). "It really hurt my feelings when "X" did "X" to me, I am still harboring feelings about "X"
    -versus- "X" is a real f*%$#g a$$hole, What "X" did makes me want to seriously punch him in his self-righteous face.
    Do you see what I mean? When I started journaling my "real" feelings (the ones that are unacceptable in polite company), what I had been holding back, that's when the words & feeling would pour out.

    But Walt is right, about you being ahead in pain. I could barely walk/stand for more than 10 minutes at Day 8! I'm still afraid to drive by myself. Good luck to you!
     
  4. walker

    walker New Member

    Hi Walt and MellieV
    Thanks for your replies!
    Yes, I am grateful for what I can do - a year ago I couldn't walk for more than 10 min, but my pain was really knocked back when I read Steve Ozanich's 'Great Pain Deception' (my introduction to TMS)… trying to sort out the last 40% now.
    Yes, definitely 'goodish'. Coming to terms with the realisation that I have been dealing with a narcissistic mother my whole life (brought to a head when I had to care for her recently) - I've had some full-on rants and helpless sobbing in the safety of my own (empty save for me) home… so the emotion is there, but not so accessible 'to order'.
    In my journal, all the words are there (yes, with the swearing and horrible deeds!), but I can't connect at the moment (I have in the past).
    Maybe it will just take its own sweet time… another possibility is seeing a psychotherapist - I think that might really help shift things and lever the lid off some of this repression…

    Good luck with your healing, too, MellieV!
     

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