We talked about this before - dream programming. I haven't been diligent in following the steps outlined in Dr. McKenzie's protocol but things have definitely been more colorful in dreamland. Usually, what I do is tell myself before I go to sleep, I will have a restful night's sleep and anything I need insight on will become clear. Last night blew my mind. I started Dr. Schubiner's 28 day program and read all the material up to Day one. His material gets down to the nitty gritty of what's going on in the brain with pain signals. Ie, pain center is fired up the part of the brain that quells pain, is too quiet. As an inquiring mind and former nurse, I eat up the knowledge, especially knowing this is the penicillin for TMS. He outlines a therapy for addressing events that are likely contributors to symptoms. This includes experiencing the anger and then moving through other stages to resolution…love and forgiveness. He says until the anger is discharged, your TMS will continue (BTW, he refers to it as Mind Body Syndrome, MDS.) So anyhoo. This brings me to the dream. I went to my doctor, full of pain. But I couldn't tell him what was hurting because I couldn't move my jaw. My mouth was simply frozen shut - like I had tetanus. The pain I was experiencing was horrible…but I couldn't speak to tell the doctor what was hurting. The nurse showed up in the room and she was a woman who was in leadership in a church I was heavily involved with several years ago. The church was VERY controlling and forbade any "gossip" of any time. Note - their idea of "gossip" was any opinion or even the slightest perception that you weren't supporting leadership. It was very cultish and being a good co-dependent goodist, bought in hook, line and sinker. I am realizing more and more how when we don't allow ourselves a voice, we WILL have physical problems. Especially pain. So all this to say. I sense that was a breakthrough for me. And even though I am not looking forward to revisiting some very deep wounds, it is high time I had a good hissy fit over some of it and move on to healing. I've been the sort of person that when I've been hurt, I'll apologize to the person who inflicted the injury. SHIT! See what I mean? That's probably a good reason right there to vent some anger! But I'm not going to stay there. Life's too short. Tonight I'm going to see if I can revisit that dream but give it a different ending. One where I speak out at some of the wrongdoing I've been on the receiving end of. Here's to healing!