Dream Programming and Dancing!

[kindlethelight]

Hi all,
Day 18 and I have had two weeks pain free up to yesterday. I went dancing to a 5 rhythms morning class yesterday (5 rhythms is a free style of dancing) and came out with my old familiar back, neck and head tension. Today I have been having pins and needles in my jaw and face and I am hoping this does not develop into a migraine. I have a strong memory of being shamed when I was a kid for getting my steps wrong during a ballet performance. I wonder is there any connection there?
Also, I have been dream programming and am having dreams where I am full of rage and I am expressing this rage. During the day sometimes, I also feel overwhelmed with rage. I understand where the rage is coming from, there are valid reasons for it, but it's so hard to stay with it. I have found that running helps, or doing something creative. I had hoped the dancing would help. Any suggestions as to how I can dance without the headaches.
Thanks

 

[Steve Ozanich]

Yes, it absolutely has to do with your earlier shame. There's where the TMS rage comes from. You're understanding it ok.
Two weeks pain free means that you can be pain free (there) forever. Depending...

Shame is at the very heart of TMS.

You should dance because you WANT to dance. Never do things for other people, that's what enrages us. The response to shame is elevating the energy demanded, for something we don't want to be. TMS comes from pretending to be what we aren't. This is why Dr. Sarno, and me, spent so much time on ego and superego. The Mask...

Nisargadatta Maharaj had is life transformed when his guru told him, "You are not what you take yourself to be." If you want to understand deeper, you have to understand this. It changed my life and has been working very well in people I help.

Keep up the great work. I was happy to see you go out and dance. But why are you dancing in this technique? Many musicians heal when they stop playing music their parents wanted them to play, and began to play music they wanted to play.

Dance, but dance how you desire. It's the true expression of yourself, and expression heals.

SO

The life force, prana, and the mind are operating but the mind will tempt you to believe that it is "you". Therefore understand always that you are the timeless space-less (witness). And even if mind tells you that you are the one who is acting, don't believe the mind. The apparatus of mindbody which is functioning has come upon your original essence, but you are not that apparatus. (Ultimate Med)

 

[kindlethelight]

Thanks Steve. After reading your reply last night, I can see how much shame I was feeling during the dance class. It's not actually a class, and I am not doing it to please anyone but myself. It is a class called 5 rhythms which is free style class where you dance your way through a series of rhythms (emotions) and following the beat of the music. Your own beat. No-one elses. And I am dancing because I want to dance because, there have been times when I have felt very free when I am dancing and music really moves me physically and emotionally. I think the issue is that for some reason, dance really does bring up shame. I spent the first hour comparing myself to others in the room. I should look like her, I should dance like him, I should have clothes like hers, hair like hers, freedom like his.. blah blah blah Should shmud! I am aware of it as it takes place so I have to close my eyes and allow myself to really move with the music. But the headache inevitably comes because of the very high levels of shame I feel. About not being good enough. Comparing and despairing. And, like you said, there are huge levels of rage about having been shamed so much as a kid. I was shamed for even being alive (told many times I was unwanted). I have been working on this through dream programming and I am accessing and expressing a lot of rage in my dreams and for the first time in a very long time, I am not waking up with a tension headache. But still. I would like to enjoy dancing but I don't really know how to keep going with this dance class? Thanks for your support Steve. I am doing so well on this program. Really accessing the shame, rage and sadness and trying my best to stay with it. I am so pleased with my recovery and it has been so nice to have 2 weeks of pain free days. I feel like a new woman!

I love your quote You are not what you take yourself to be. And my immediate reaction to this was to ask Then who am I? That's kinda scary but also exciting to learn and nurture my real self.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Kindlethelight. My best friend's wife had the same feeling of being unwanted when she was a girl. Her mother told her she wished
she had been a cat so she could have drowned her. The wife (I'll call her Joan) kept that feeling of shame into her adult life, married and
with three children. She finally had a breakdown and, under psychoanalysis, learned the root cause of her childhood trauma. This led her
to forgive her mother and they repaired their relationship. Joan became well again.

It wasn't your fault you were shamed as a child. I hope you can let that go now and see yourself as you are, a good, worthy woman.