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Drained after walk

Mani

Mani

Well known member
I went for a walk late at night with my dad (like 30-40 minutes) and whilst walking i got progressively more stressed. There were not that many loud noises so it was due to something different. When i came home i was so overstimulated and stressed i couldnt handle anything anymore. How will i find out what made it so hard for me?

I dont really have physical tms so its not the walking itself thats scary
 
Mani said:
How will i find out what made it so hard for me?
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Was what you talked about stressful? Was just being around him stressful? I'll admit that going for a walk for that long with anyone would stress me out to an extent - especially with someone where the age gap is large (even if it is parents - with friends it might be easier - and with parents there are added pressures that don't exist with others - not that age gaps necessarily make things awkward, I'm generalising). It's a good lesson in understanding your stress this regardless of symptoms :)
 
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You are repressing something... Your dad is a good place to start. That's what pen and paper are for. Start writing shit down, without thinking about it first. No editing allowed.
 
Adam Coloretti (coach) said:
I'll admit that going for a walk for that long with anyone would stress me out to an extent
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Yep, me too, @Mani.

Going for a walk like that for that length of time is a complete change for you, so of course it'd stress anyone out to an extent (even though you'd think it 'shouldn't'—but tell that to the brain!). You've been kind of 'caged up', so I'd think of yourself as needing to reintroduce yourself into the wider world.

In the early days of my recovery from being bedridden and housebound, I turned down a kind neighbour's (a lovely lady I liked a lot) daily walk offer—which made me feel awful—but I knew she'd want to chat and I wouldn't have coped. Even now I can't stand 'small talk' (never have)—albeit our conversations would probably have become more interesting/deeper or whatever, but you don't always want to talk or indeed have company of any sort.

I'm sure that if I'd have said that I didn't want to converse she'd have been understanding about it, but I knew that would make me feel awkward to walk in silence or near silence (albeit as one progresses it's good to train oneself to be 'comfortable with the uncomfortable'... but that would have been something for later on in my recovery process).

Baby steps with everything is (as you know) my motto so as not to make the brain feel overwhelmed and fearful.
 
BloodMoon said:
I turned down a kind neighbour's (a lovely lady I liked a lot) daily walk offer
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That is so sweet I can’t.

BloodMoon said:
I'm sure that if I'd have said that I didn't want to converse she'd have been understanding about it, but I knew that would make me feel awkward to walk in silence or near silence (albeit as one progresses it's good to train oneself to be 'comfortable with the uncomfortable'... but that would have been something for later on in my recovery process)
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Yeah i totally understand. I have a great reason to be silent but its still awkward.


I’m not exactly sure which of the comments were made by you but we have talked about clubbing and it maybe not exactly being my thing. I insisted that i did love nightlife and meeting people and you were wondering whether maybe i just wasnt being honest with myself. I do great on alcohol btw; I think most tmsers do because of the inhibiting factor but I digress. Um when i think back on clubbing it wasnt actually my thing at all. A club with music blaring isnt a good place for socialising anyway. I like places where everyone is drunk but also able to talk. Thats a hostel. Just nice to meet new people and have a great time. I love music but i dont love loud music. I’m not sure i entirely understand it all but i suddenly didnt feel bad at all about maybe not going clubbing again, i didnt really like it that much.

I dont hate going out per se but yeah theres a nuance here that i kind of completely missed before. I do think i like performances but i doubt ill ever be doing that again.

I loved being outside smoking and having a chat with people that was my favorite part of the night. Also parties i love parties theyre also a bit scary but house parties yeah great.

Its still a bit superficial but at least you can actually have a proper chat.

Oh yeah I only had this realization when i saw a young lad who wasnt weird say ‘i hate clubbing’ and i just realized wait i dont have to like this. Theres gonna be people in my class who arent weird who also think ‘eh clubbing its not my thing’.
 
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Mani said:
I insisted that i did love nightlife and meeting people and you were wondering whether maybe i just wasnt being honest with myself.
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Yes, it was me that suggested that. Sometimes it takes time to work out or accept what is true about ourselves. When I look back over my life, I can see clearly that for so many things it was a case of being a round peg forcing myself into a square hole for various reasons... sometimes because I thought I 'should' like or want to do something, sometimes because I wanted to keep my friends and be part of a 'tribe', and sometimes because I was obliged to, e.g. in work situations.
Mani said:
Oh yeah I only had this realization when i saw a young lad who wasnt weird say ‘i hate clubbing’ and i just realized wait i dont have to like this. Theres gonna be people in my class who arent weird who also think ‘eh clubbing its not my thing’.
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I used to read a lot of biographies and I noticed that in so many of them, those people said they were doing stuff because they thought they should like it and/or to keep in with the 'in crowd'. Makes you wonder just how many people aren't being themselves—like Frank Sinatra crooning 'I did it my way' as the ultimate anthem for finally owning your path. There's essentially nothing wrong with being a round peg or a square peg. We don't want to end up as Stepford Wives because that is weird. It's a mistake to think that our individual preferences make us a weirdo.
 
Mani said:
Nooo lol we dont talk we were just walking. Maybe i just dont really feel safe outside yet. With my friends i usually go somewhere i know its quiet. Maybe its the loss of control. I didnt think it had anything to do with my dad being there.
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HINT: If you don't think it's related to your dad, then it's the mostly related to your Dad.
 
@Mani I won't suggest those symptoms were related to your father. It'd be very irresponsible of me. Instead some questions that might help a little:
- Have you had this reaction, doing the same activity, without him (or with other people)?
- Do you feel comfortable having quiet moments with people in general?
- Do you have recurrent stressful dreams about your father?
- Do you feel shame about your symptoms?
(You don't need to answer btw, it's just an investigation I'd do)
 
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