Doubts

[Rubineo]

Good morning,

I started my TMS journey months ago and in the meantime I have read a lot and also started the SEP. Unfortunately my symptoms got worse the last weeks and now I feel strong doubts - whether I´m on the right way or not.

I was diagnosed with Lyme disease 12 years ago and treated long time with antibiotics. Some symptoms disappeared - some others not. And I developed more and new symptoms in the past. One day I decided, that this is no more LD because it seemed too strange to me and the remaining symptoms could just be caused by almost every strange disease - TMS included. Which for me seemed to be the best and most probable solution...also due to the fact that I don´t have any prove for LD (no positive blood tests).

My remaining symptoms were:
- weakness and tingling in my right arm and right leg
- neck and shoulder pain (mostly left sided, and nearly always only during phases, when my leg is ok)
- insomnia and sweat during the night
- anxiety and fear

I was on vacation the last two weeks, where I had probably too much time to listen into my body. The last days of my holidays in France I got more and more strange tingling in my right leg and also the neck problems got worse. That really made me fear and now I have again big doubts concerning the TMS diagnosis resp. TMS self-diagnosis.

I want to state, that I´m physically active - running each day 20 minutes and also 3-4 times a week self-defense workout (1-2 hours). During the sports I´m doing mostly fine - afterwards the doubts arise.

I feel that I need urgently some support because I don´t want to give up. According to almost every book I read these symptoms could also be from TMS - but I have problems to convince myself and to let LD go forever.

Christian

 

[tattvamasi]

What exactly makes you doubt the TMS diagnosis?

 

[Andy Bayliss]

To support the TMS diagnosis, I have heard that the the Lyme disease can kick off symptoms that continue after the Lymes is "gone." I guess you know this.

 

[Rubineo]

What exactly makes you doubt the TMS diagnosis?

That is in fact a simple question - but difficult to answer. I think it is the fact, that neuro-symptoms are increasing (tingling, numbness, burning) and that they they are more or less taking over my whole body. I have the impression of loosing control over my body. And that really makes me fear. I had no problem accepting that there is a reduction of blood flow either in my arm or my leg - but not everywhere at the same moment. That seems too strange for me and makes me really doubt the TMS theory.

On the other hand - I really am aware of the power of fear. Fear is able to create a lot of crazy symptoms. I already learned that in my life through strange experiences of fear and worries about my health.

 

[Rubineo]

To support the TMS diagnosis, I have heard that the the Lyme disease can kick off symptoms that continue after the Lymes is "gone." I guess you know this.

Yes - I know this. Thanks for the support - this exactly is also my hope. But the belief is unfortunately still missing...

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I think your main problem is fear, that your pains are from Lyme Disease that may be hanging on.
Another TMSer had LD but medication cured him, and you have gotten treatment, so I think it it TMS...
fear... that is giving you the pain. You feel fine when running and dong self-defense workout. To me
that means you are doing the best thing... living in the present. Keep living in the present after you
run or exercise.

 

[Markus]

I think your main problem is fear, that your pains are from Lyme Disease that may be hanging on.
Another TMSer had LD but medication cured him, and you have gotten treatment, so I think it it TMS...
fear... that is giving you the pain. You feel fine when running and dong self-defense workout. To me
that means you are doing the best thing... living in the present. Keep living in the present after you
run or exercise.

My cousin who is now about 71 had Lyme disease for 10 years, many times she could hardly get out of bed. Her husband took her to New York City to see renowned specialists. In a really strange twist of fate, she ended up having it completely leave her, not remission, but it's gone. I hope you get somewhere with it, I don't kmow what she did,or if she did anything but, it left her.

Mark

 

[Rubineo]

I think your main problem is fear, that your pains are from Lyme Disease that may be hanging on.
Another TMSer had LD but medication cured him, and you have gotten treatment, so I think it it TMS...
fear... that is giving you the pain. You feel fine when running and dong self-defense workout. To me
that means you are doing the best thing... living in the present. Keep living in the present after you
run or exercise.

Hello Walt!

I think, fear is exactly the point.

In the past learned already a lot about me and my ability to create strange symptoms by just thinking about the possibility to suffer from any disease. So why should LD be an exception?

I try to stay in the present and to live and enjoy daily life. From time to time that works already fine - sometimes not. What is strange to me: Almost each weekend - mostly on Sunday - my symtoms are stronger than during the week. Where I don´t have the time to think a lot abourt possible reasons. And where I have the chance to prove every evening, that my body is 100% in function. My wife also told me, that compared to 6 months ago I developed really strong muscles in arms and legs and I personally really am able to feel the progress in my fitness. But when I have time and when I´m alone - the symptoms and the fear strike back.

So it´s clear now for me - LD is past. TMS ist present.

Have a nice weekend!

 

[Lavender]

My remaining symptoms were:
- weakness and tingling in my right arm and right leg
- neck and shoulder pain (mostly left sided, and nearly always only during phases, when my leg is ok)
- insomnia and sweat during the night
- anxiety and fear

I can identify with your present condition, both the physical and the anxiety over them. As you continue with your participation in the forum, you will most likely begin to take comfort in the fact that others are experiencing similar symptoms yet still get no clear diagnosis from the medical world. TMS would then be a strong possibility.

As to those nighttime sensations, I once read that the subconscious can act up during the night when our defenses are down and I can attest to this. You are ahead of many of us in that you are able to run.

I hope this is helpful.

 

[Rubineo]

Good morning!

Thank you first of all for your support - it´s great to see, that I´m not alone in the world of doubts and fear.

I just was journaling a little bit. And I tried to remember, when all the shitty symptoms came back and worsened. And it is more or less incredible - they came back just at the moment, where I decided to marry. More or less already before, when we decided to live together in a new apartment in a new country. That was last year November - since then I´m in trouble. We moved and also the marriage is behind us. But the symptoms remain.

Some weeks ago, we decided to try to have children together. And bingo - since then the symptoms are just going crazy.

So far so good. But what does that mean? Just too many changes for me? Or am I just according to my personal traits in conflict with myself and my feeling of responsibility?

Many questions...

 

[Rubineo]

Hello again!

One question to the experienced guys concerning the so called symptom imperative:

I experience really fast moving symptoms. In the morning my leg, in the afternoon my arm, then neck and shoulder...the sequence is different. But changes occur mostly within one day. Interesting is that there is always one "main symptom" accompanied by other funny things.

Is that normal or unusual? What are your experiences with that?

Thanks in advance for feedback.

 

[Ellen]

In my experience what you describe is very typical of TMS. Mine moved around more once I was "on to it". My advice is to not focus on the pain and all of its nuances and permutations. It's all TMS. Then one day when you're not noticing, it will just be gone, and you won't even be sure exactly when it left. That day is in your future.

 

[Rubineo]

Hello Ellen!

Thanks a lot for your encouraging words - deep inside I feel, that you might be right. And I´m already looking forward to the day when the symptoms have left my body.

Christian

 

[Rubineo]

Good morning everbody!

The doubts are back - welcome again...

So what happened? As I mentioned above I´m doing exercise in a self-defense and fighting club. I was invited to pass an exam to a higher level which is really hard stuff. This invitation is not given to anybody - you have to be in good physical and psychological condition. 5 hours of drill and fighting...normally nothing for ill and sick people. Somehow I managed to pass the exams and to get the certificate for the next level. So far so good - normally I should be happy and proud. But that is not what happened!

I am up to now not able to see the reality - that I have successfully passed and done something what I personally would have considered as absolutely impossible even 6 months ago. Since end of the exams I'm extremely scared that I perhaps overdid it. My neck and arm pain are back and make me worry - also my weakness and tingling. It started more or less directly after the successful exams. Which is really crazy - during the exams I was strong, focussed and in perfect physical condition.

Could perhaps somebody of the cracks have a TMS explanation for that strange phenomenon? An explanation that could help me to get out of the vicious circle of negative thinking and fear? Negative thinking means the idea that I overdid it and have now MS (suddenly out of nothing) or a lyme relapse or whatever?

Christian

 

[Rubineo]

Good morning again!

Because I´m really struggling at the moment - doesn´t anybody have an idea for me? Concerning my upper post...

Christian

 

[Rubineo]

Hello again!

Last try to get some feedback from experienced TMSers...

Christian

 

[Ellen]

Hi Rubineo,

TMS recovery is something most of us have to work on everyday, or it is very easy to fall back into old patterns of thinking and behaving. We have to be vigilant about how our personalities and thoughts can create TMS, and make choices to correct this. The correction comes from the "top down" as Sarno says--our conscious brain can eventually override the unconscious through repetition. Success can be stressful as much as defeat, as it can engender fear. So the remedy is to keep telling yourself that you are strong and in good physical condition, and that nothing is wrong with your body. You have concrete evidence of this due to your recent success. Do not give into the fearful thoughts.

 

[AndrewMillerMFT]

"I just was journaling a little bit. And I tried to remember, when all the shitty symptoms came back and worsened. And it is more or less incredible - they came back just at the moment, where I decided to marry. More or less already before, when we decided to live together in a new apartment in a new country. That was last year November - since then I´m in trouble. We moved and also the marriage is behind us. But the symptoms remain.

Some weeks ago, we decided to try to have children together. And bingo - since then the symptoms are just going crazy."

Rubineo,

I highlighted the above because it seems you're already doing something which can be helpful: namely, keeping an evidence list. Oftentimes TMS sufferers will have a spike in symptoms and it's easy to get discouraged. One way to combat the discouragement is to keep an evidence list. At the top of your list should be the fact that emotionally significant events happened when the symptoms spiked. I bet that as you notice the symptoms, you'll be able to see that there are other pieces of evidence that lead you to see that the symptoms are mediated by emotional factors and conditioning rather than anything else. These lists can go a long way to breaking the conditioning aspect of TMS. One must be mindful though that reviewing the lists doesn't become obsessive as this is one of the personality traits that relates to TMS.

Best of luck!

 

[Rubineo]

Good morning!

TMS is really crazy!

At the moment I´m experiencing strange symptom shifts - no more problems with my right leg since three weeks, but really hard neck spasms (today left, tomorrow right sided) and tingling in the left foot. And also the tendon is aching. It is really not easy to keep the track when these "new" symptoms" arise. But they are not new - in my youth I had big problems with the tendons of both heels. And the neck spasms are also already known since I was 18 years old.

The shifts started directly after my exams. Since then everything is changing almost every day.

Christian

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Fear definitely works on us at night when we're in bed and trying to sleep.
During the day and evening we can drive off fear with pleasant distractions.
In bed at night my mind dwells on the worst... catastophizing... I switch my mind on to
pleasant things and do deep breathing and repeat a positive mantra... "I feel fine. I am relaxed.
I am going to sleep now." And I tell myself I will think or worry about negative things in the morning.