Doubts

Today I'm having doubts, a difficult time. Medical tests have shown some problems: very low iron, for instance. I feel shaky and was attributing it to fear of back going "out again. But some days I feel less "shaky" and have now been attributing that to taking iron. I have regained so much mobility. I have been using this program in combination with Neil Pearson's "Life is Now" program. But my hips and legs are still so tight I feel disconnected from them almost...have not been able to find the feeling of connection when I yawn or stretch, that I used to have, I feel like I'm tottering around on stilts. My hips flexors, especially left, still get tighter and tighter when I sit, and lying on my back for more than 5 minutes is still "impossible" because my back tightens and feels like it's going to go into spasm again. I want to be "comfort able" again! I really don't know how much of my pain and stiffness is due to fear, after repeated back spasms; how much possibly due to "physical" causes (besides low iron, my thyroid was wonky, and I didn't know it. Over a year ago, my GP prescribed a low dose of Synthroid because thyroid was a bit slow...apparently this caused thyroid to go too fast and I didn't know that for almost a year). I believe mind and body are one thing and this separation is false, but I miss the connection to my body so much. As a former dancer and occasional gentle movement teacher now, it is particularly hard. I believe in TMS as a kind of self-hypnotism, that we can hypnotize ourselves into anything, and if I could fully believe, maybe I could hypnotize myself into a belief in my ability to heal myself. Just having a hard day.

 

Hi OnTheRoad,

One thing you might try is to be gentle and understanding about your doubts, about your fears. Hold yourself in your confusion. While the main thrust on this Forum is to "push through" and believe, there is also power in simply allowing. As you allow the fear and doubt, self-compassion may arise. With this, you may know more about how you push yourself, and expect certain things to happen, and how your Inner Child feels in this world of your personality. You are suffering. You've been through a lot. You're frustrated and afraid. You miss the wonderful feeling of stretching. Love for ourselves can address the fear. Fear is one of the main distractions, more than pain according to Dr. Sarno. Will we reject ourselves for fearing, or be gentle?

You might also find very soothing a practice of gentle movement (that you already understand and enjoy) with parts of your body which don't hurt. Simply attending and moving your hand, fingers, arm, neck --where ever it doesn't hurt, following what wants to happen...slowly, sensually. Life is to be tasted, such as it is...

Finally, here is an article I wrote about Doubts, which might help you understand how doubts can lead to certainty.

http://www.tmspainrelief.com/doubts-about-dr-sarnos-work/ (Doubts about Dr. Sarno's Work | TMS Pain Relief with Andy Bayliss)

Wishing you the best, and hoping you hold yourself with love.

Andy B