Day 6 Doubts

[gailnyc]

I am on Day 6 and just watched a really informative video (that I'll probably go back to) by Dr. Schubiner on MBS. But I'm a skeptic. As I'm watching, I'm already doubting. 95% of brain activity is unconscious, he says. 95%? Wow, that's a lot, I think. Where'd he get that number? I want sources cited! I'm not going to just "believe."

I want to believe that what I have is TMS. I've had it before, and chased it away, but it was always in the shape of muscle spasms and pain. What I have now involves tingling, skin sensitivity, and swelling. I know from what I've read that with TMS, the brain wants to pick a pain that you are least likely to identify as TMS. Since I've already identified my back/muscle pain as TMS, it's unlikely to choose that as a pain site. So instead it's chosen to give me this very weird, shifting pain in my foot.

I've gotten five different diagnoses for the problem, so it's hard for me not to think of them when I'm feeling pain. For example, one diagnosis I got was Morton's Toe, causing second metatarsal overload syndrome. So when the ball of my foot starts hurting--feels super-sensitive and swollen--I wonder, is this going to continue/get worse? Maybe I should wear my orthotics. Maybe taking them out was a mistake. And then I'm pulled right back into the physical, instead of the psychological.

 

[Stella]

Hi Gail,
I had tingling in my feet and hands, terrible cramps in my feet, then my little toe hurts and Haglunds deformity where I have bumps on my heels. The bumps feel like they have actually come loose from my foot. i have been mentally "driven" to walk which with these bumps being sore and swollen has slowed me down. I initially didn't think about them being TMS. I cut a V in the back of a new pair of tennis shoes so no rubbing would occur.

I know they are TMS. I can wake up in the middle of the night, laying on my back, and they don't hurt. When i wake up in the morning the bumps start hurting...umh. i walk 4-6 miles each day now. TMS messes with my feet all the time, all the time. It's like TMS knows how important walking is to my recovery so I am constantly being mentally challenged.

Yes, I have had the ball of my foot hurt too.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Wow, Gail - FIVE different diagnoses? All I can think of is the well-known book by Dr. David Clarke, MD, titled "They Can't Find Anything Wrong!".

I'm a CPA, not a medical professional by any means, but I gotta say - five different diagnoses seems like a message from the universe that no one really knows what it is, so they are guessing. Which means that the most likely answer is, it's one of the innumerable neuro symptoms that your brain can come up with to distract you from your dangerous buried emotions.

I've had all kinds of neuro symptoms - dizziness, foggy head, shaky legs, twitchy eyes, numb cheeks, burning pain in my foot - those are only the ones I can remember. That's in addition to back pain, arm pain, neck and shoulder spasms, 5-ibuprofen headaches, anxiety attacks, and years of digestive issues

The 95% statistic is easy to Google - it seems to be a well-known one. Think about it - your brain is in charge of every single thing that you experience, and it's certainly in charge of every single physiological function in your body - including the pain response. So apart from the obviously unconscious physio functions, if you really examine what we do all day long, I think you'll end up being amazed at how much of what we experience is, really, quite unconscious. Think of how much information your eyes take in, vs. how much you actually pay attention to, vs. how little you actually retain for later use. Most of the processing is unconscious! And have you ever driven your normal commute, lost in some kind of daydream, and realized you just drove half a mile, in traffic, without actually paying attention? How much of that activity was what anyone could truly call "conscious"? Even the daydream wasn't a conscious act - that was your brain taking over, putting you into a waking dream state.

There are other unconscious activities going on in the brains of people with TMS, and these are the critical, if not outright negative, internal dialogues that we're constantly having between the inner child and the inner parent (aka the id and the ego, if I'm getting Freud right). I'm pretty convinced, after a year and a half of working on my own TMS, that stopping that unconscious inner dialogue, by consciously replacing it with positive dialogue, is a KEY component to real healing.

That being said, one thing that might help you is to find appropriate positive affirmations and meditations to counteract your doubts about the diagnosis. I didn't used to believe that positive self-talk works, but I've become a believer - it's not easy if you're naturally negative (guilty) but I swear, it does work!

Keep the faith, and keep posting,

Jan

 

[gailnyc]

Jan, thank you so much for your thoughtful, thorough reply. I tend to be negative and pessimistic also. Can you expand on the idea of positive self-talk? How do you do it?

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Gail, you really brought up a key question, and a key stumbling block for so many of us. I am 100% guilty of running negative scripts in my head - all the time - and of beating myself up. I have a really hard time forgiving myself, and loving myself, and I think it's what's holding me back from reaching 100% healing. We talk a lot about this all over the forum (I think it's Lori who says, "Don't should on yourself!").

Anyway, I'm going to recommend the video that was recommended to me by our good friend MatthewNJ, which changed my mind about the power of positive thinking - it's the movie version of You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. I checked out the DVD from my library, and have since checked out a number of her books and meditations in downloadable audio from the library. And of course she has a web site.

Not everyone loves Louise Hay, but her advice is incredibly simple: take a positive thought, and say it, preferably out loud, while you visualize it being true. I think that the reason it works is because it cuts off the unconscious inner negative dialogue. You don't even have to initially believe the positive statement, although it helps to find something that holds some truth for you. To me, the key is to stop the negative dialogue, and replace it with something positive. Period.

One reason I really liked the movie was the interviews with medical professionals and neuroscientists who add scientific credence to the concept that our thoughts can change our bodies and our lives, because our brains and our thoughts are one and the same. I am stating that very simplistically, but this seems to be the direction that some neuroscientists are going.

For an approach that is very different from Louise Hay, check out Monty Hueftle, who is another advocate of thinking psychologically - one of his catch phrases is "thinking clean". We've got a large archive of his articles on the wiki: http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Archive_of_Monte_Hueftle%27s_Runningpain.com_updates .

There are about a gazillion resources out there for engaging in some kind of practice that essentially changes your thought patterns by eliminating negative thoughts. I believe that The Presence Process is another example. And, going back to basics, and to very ancient practices, this is what meditation does. And prayer. You get the picture.

For a scientific and very clinical look at this subject, last summer I read The Anatomy of Hope, by Dr. Jerome Groopman, MD. It's a record of his personal study, over many years as an oncologist, of the power that our thoughts have over our bodies, even in the face of horrifying odds. This was not an easy book for me to read, due to the detailed descriptions of his cancer patients - I actually skipped over some of his case histories - but the last third of the book is an overview of the research that has been and is being done to try to study and even measure things like positive thinking, the placebo effect, and, in general, the power of our thoughts. A short part of the book is devoted to describing his own recovery from back pain that was made worse by unnecessary surgery, and he does reference Dr. Sarno in his appendix.

Well, once again, I'm on a roll. Don't get me started! LOL.

Let me know what you think and how it goes,

Jan

 

[gailnyc]

Jan, thank you so much for the suggestions! I checked out Louise Hay last night and will buy her book (the famous blue one). I love Jerome Groopman so I will put his book on my list, too.

During the summer I found a couple of TED talks about the neuroscience behind positive thinking--I will post them if I can find them.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Matthew also turned me on to TED talks - there's some amazing neuroscience information in them.

 

[Layne]

TED TALKS ARE AMAZING!! I am absolutely a believer in positive thinking and the capacity to heal ourselves. Neuroplasticity is of huge interest to me right now and I have done quite a bit of research about it. Here is a video about it:

. "The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge is a very accessible entry text.

Meditation is easily one of the most important things I ever did for myself and I believe a large part of why I no longer have anxiety and IBS to the degree that I did.
This podcast might be of interest, though I haven't listened to the whole thing:

From what I listened to it has to do with fight/flight, neurochemistry and how our beliefs control our lives.

And here is a blog post about healing yourself that I found helpful - http://www.nathancoury.com/blog/2013/01/07/your-thoughts-can-heal/

 

[Stella]

good stuff

 

[Lori]

Dr. Bruce Lipton is awesome and I'm in agreement too, Jan, that Louise Hay is spot on with so much of what she says (and believes). I have found You Can Heal Your Life (and various other books/cd/dvds) to be tremendously helpful. She says "change your thinking--change your life" and really changing our thinking and beliefs is necessary ! (and yes, I have removed SHOULD from my vocabulary most of the time--it's a judgment word!)

Our thoughts and emotions affect us down to the cellular level.

I don't get hung up on #s or percentages--when something works it works! Really it is that simple! But yes, you do have to believe in the method for it to work for you.

An example of changing a negative belief to a positive one: "i'll never get over this ailment" needs to change to "my body heals itself every day." Because it does--it's our emotions and beliefs that are holding back the full healing potential we could realize.

Best wishes everyone !

-Lori

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Everyone, I'm halfway through "When The Body Says No" (2003) by Dr. Gabor Mate, MD and it is kinda blowing me away. This is a book about the medical profession really looking at the mind-body connection, written by a medical doctor who is clearly very compassionate and very insightful. The emotional case histories of his patients are fascinating. I highly recommend it. This book was discussed on the Saturday chat several weeks ago, but I had to wait to get a copy from my library because there are so many holds on it. It really energized me, made me feel more hopeful and more empowered.

I also found a really well-written set of articles (from 2009/10) on this blog: The Body Says What the Mind Cannot.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Here's a quote from Dianne J Moore (whose blog I mention above) which I think is really really important:

There are many spiritual groups and hot selling items... that imply you must denounce all negative thoughts and allow only positive thoughts to enter your mind. These teachings warn that if you don't ward off negative emotions, you will draw negativity into your life. I'm all for positive thoughts, and on one hand, I believe you can manifest what it is you want in life by staying focused and upbeat, but to deny negative thoughts that are charged with emotion will only bring ruin. Change comes from truth. You must look at the truth, feel the feelings, or they will hold you hostage until you get brave enough to deal with them. I've seen too many teachers, teachings and products abuse this process by telling people to ignore all negative thoughts. That's called denial, not truth.
Dianne J. Moore, writer (https://sites.google.com/a/amazeofgrace.org/www/) and blogger (http://thebodysays.wordpress.com/)

And on the same page she quotes Dr. Sarno on the same subject:

"The ability to embrace sadness, hurt or sorrow for oneself signifies a letting go of the self-critical aspect of one's personality and the development of self-compassion, which is a crucial ingredient for the successful reduction of psychosomatic symptoms."
~~Dr. John Sarno, The Divided Mind

 

[Deeisme]

Hi Gail,
I had tingling in my feet and hands, terrible cramps in my feet, then my little toe hurts and Haglunds deformity where I have bumps on my heels. The bumps feel like they have actually come loose from my foot. i have been mentally "driven" to walk which with these bumps being sore and swollen has slowed me down. I initially didn't think about them being TMS. I cut a V in the back of a new pair of tennis shoes so no rubbing would occur.

I know they are TMS. I can wake up in the middle of the night, laying on my back, and they don't hurt. When i wake up in the morning the bumps start hurting...umh. i walk 4-6 miles each day now. TMS messes with my feet all the time, all the time. It's like TMS knows how important walking is to my recovery so I am constantly being mentally challenged.

Yes, I have had the ball of my foot hurt too.

Hi Stella Having such issues finding posts regarding Haglund's that is causing that doubt that gets in the way of healing. So, perked up when I saw your post. I have the heel bump (one heel only) and about 5 months ago it started hurting. It is greatly exacerbated by activity and I'm normally very active with tennis and walking. The official diagnosis is insertional achillies tendonitis with some heel bursitis. Have been advised to wear shoes without backs, wear a night splint, take antiimflammatories and told this was always going to be an issue. My bump does get red and extremely painful to the touch. I've wondered and hoped about the possibility of it being TMS. I think my doubts come from not being able to find many TMS stories about it and also the visual and palpable symptoms....red, swollen and painful to touch. Anything you have to offer specifically related to Haglunds would be so, so helpful. Hope this post finds you still doing well. Thank you.

 

[Gertie]

Hi,
Yes, my bump was/is identical to yours. It was red and tender. I cut out the back of my tennis shoes.

It took me awhile to get my mind around it. Of course, I have had many symptoms that cause redness, tenderness and pain.

Yes, my friend, it is TMS. You can do this!

 

[Deeisme]

Hi,
Yes, my bump was/is identical to yours. It was red and tender. I cut out the back of my tennis shoes.

It took me awhile to get my mind around it. Of course, I have had many symptoms that cause redness, tenderness and pain.

Yes, my friend, it is TMS. You can do this!

Thanks so much for the confidence boost!

 

[Deeisme]

Hi,
Yes, my bump was/is identical to yours. It was red and tender. I cut out the back of my tennis shoes.

It took me awhile to get my mind around it. Of course, I have had many symptoms that cause redness, tenderness and pain.

Yes, my friend, it is TMS. You can do this!

Hi there. Me again. Still struggling. Had totoally turned this over in my brain as TMS but no relief. Pain is there to the point of limping badly after activity and taking off my shoe over that heel is Excruciating. Sometimes bruised. Just wondered about any other tips and how long yours went on? Also, if you went to the doc for it and what they told you in terms of diagnosis and prognosis? Thanks in advance if your willing to comment anymore or add detail. I do appreciate it. Again, just not able to find others that have this (lots of plantar fasciitis but not this). I’m seven months in and still holding out hope.