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Don’t know what to do at this point

I realized that there were a bunch of things that were stressing me out, like health anxiety, fear of the future, etc.
 
Davideus85 said:
This is not normal. I need serious help.
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Been through that before. Lasted about a year. Totally normal. I wanted to offer some thoughts of encouragement along this journey. A couple weeks ago I wrote down everything that was going on in my life and it was a total shit show. I felt horrible. I didn't know what to do. I was at the end of my rope. I wrote in my journal, "What now?" and there seemed to be two roads: I was either going to call it quits on this existence or do something else.

I sat there looking at the words on my page, and could see that I was in total despair. So what did I do? I did what I had not done in over two years. I put on my running shoes and went for a jog. I could barely do a minute straight. So then I started walking, and then started jogging again. This is my fifth week jogging now and I can now jog for twenty minutes straight. When I got home, I forced myself to sit down and think of 10 things I was grateful for in my life. Life was hard. It still is. I felt horrible. But I forced myself to think of 10 things. Emphasis is on forced.

Then, the next day, to slow down the obessive thinking, I started doing meditation. Ten minutes. This one's a fave:
. Once a week I went on https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/ (Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff) and did a self compassion meditation.

Exercise. Forced gratitude. Meditation.

I share this to say that what helped me was a HABIT change. Everyone can give me all the encouragement in the world, but I had to get into habits to save myself. I can completely empathize with obsessive thinking. It's crazy. I mean, I once went through 8 months of a psychotic breakdown. I can tell you that those 8 months were crazy. I was thinking bat shit crazy thoughts. I was hallucinating. IT WAS CRAZY.

But I got through. Every storm runs out of rain. I prayed a lot during that time. Prayer is not just a coping tool. Prayer saves lives. I prayed and wept on my floor and wept and cried some more. Then, after eight months, the light came out.

I highly encourage you to run. Just run. I encourage you to force yourself to think of 10 things you are grateful for. I encourage you to meditate. I encourage you to listen to Michael Sealey if you can't sleep at night. https://www.youtube.com/user/MichaelSealey. To pray and read the Bible for ten minutes. To call the Andrew Wommack prayer line if you need someone to pray with you, anonymously. https://www.awmi.net/ (Home - Andrew Wommack Ministries)


Pick one of them. Trust me; over time the crazy will start to chip away; slowly and very slowly, but you have to keep chipping. The light does eventually break through.
 
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