I know I shouldn't be worrying because I'm otherwise doing well, but, some of my symptoms might not be reversible. I'm managing well enough that I don't need a doctor or pain meds. I'm doing well pain wise but no amount of reassurance can stop anxious thoughts about the pandemic. 7 months after my withdrawal symptoms worsened with severe pandemic anxiety, my skin started to become thin and soft, it felt more elastic and with the muscle atrophy of sitting, I could see and or feel a little more of my ankles/knees etc. Recently my knees hyperextended noticeably enough that I feel more unsteady there and my ankles which already love to pronate now feel like hold up less than they used to(the muscles/tendons/ligaments feel like they have more slack). My toes change color in cold as well (it scares me no matter how much I tell myself it's benign). My nails are thinner and a little different looking too. I feel like going to get a diagnosis would be a waste of time and too dangerous and invasive right know. It's really hard for me to accept that I might have to live with the consequences of just a few years of anxiety and one spur of the moment medical decision for years to come, and other epigenetic mind body factors. I have all the risk factors: trauma, female, anxious, born with flat feet that corrected but still low arch, biological narcissist mother is a little double jointed, not breastfed long enough, don't exercise enough(being skinny is the worst excuse), my father got lupus about ten years ago (including thinner skin) but recovered almost completely because he understands it as mind body with a combination approach just for blood tests and monitoring. My grandmother had both RA and osteoarthritis. My uncle was a major hypochondriac, extremely sensitive and too tender to handle even the slightest conflict. My pediatrician died of MS in 2018, it was unusually aggressive and yet when I last saw him he carried on like it was just a little sprain. So basically it feels like my worst nightmare in slow motion, and I'm lucky to be alive and healthy in this scary situation. I feel like I can reduce it or slow it down, but I'm not sure if I can get rid of it completely. Despite all the privilege and talents I have, I feel constantly afraid that I'm more at risk in this pandemic than I thought and don't want to waste more of my life worrying when it could hurt my body more by doing so. I feel like every fear cycle increases my risk. If it weren't for @Dorado, @plum, and @miffybunny , I don't know how I could have understood TMS in its fullest extent in both cognitive and somatic paradigms. Maybe I still have a chance to completely recover, who knows? Is it a lifestyle disease I've been forced to inherit?