Doing the emotional work but feel totally out of control and lost

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

Since I've done this hard emotional work, I often notice that the pain can stay on both sides, which is very frightening.

I think you're doing tremendously well with the emotional work and you should be proud for facing it - but I think it might be wise for you to take a step back and focus more on TMS belief. You said you had doubts in another post, and there's very few things as dysregulating as thinking there's something seriously wrong with your body (we might not be able to remove all doubt, but we should remove all that we can at each stage of the process). I'm just concerned that the doubts in the diagnosis are in a way countering your best efforts on the emotional side of things (I don't mean that it's making it meaningless, it is absolutely still required and is also a tremendous practice as an act of self-compassion, that's just to potentially explain why you're more heightened overall - and it's a lot harder to do the emotional work in a heightened state that is in part due to fear of structural damage).

The reason I feel this way is because of what I quoted above. I understand how that is frightening, but it's also unbelievably strong evidence of TMS. Assuming that you have been checked by a doctor for more serious things, structural pain doesn't usually behave this way - it doesn't mirror on both sides of the body. I would make an evidence list if you haven't already and really focus on challenging your doubts around this being TMS (perhaps there's a clear roadblock we can work through, perhaps there's something else you need to get ticked off for your own peace of mind) - I'm happy to help with that if needed

 

[Margot!!]

You got this Patty! Hang in there! sending love and light

 

[BloodMoon]

@Patty Cakes
In mind/body terms, pain can be thought of as an alarm that's ringing even though there's no actual danger. And sometimes, when the brain doesn't get the response it's expecting, the alarm rings even louder — like it's saying, “Are you sure? Are you really sure we're safe?”

You can't manually flick the alarm off. But you can carry on with your life, as best you can, despite the pain. And by doing that, your behaviour gradually gives your brain a different message: there is no danger here; no need to keep sounding the alarm.

And I think the important thing is not to expect that process to be linear. The alarm might quieten for a while and then suddenly get louder again. That doesn't mean you've gone backwards. It means the alarm is asking again, “Are you sure we're safe?”

So using the intensity of the pain as a barometer for whether what you're doing is working or not tells you nothing. The alarm isn't the measure of your progress — how you're responding to it is.

It seems to me that the increase of pain is making you doubt that your symptoms are mind-body/TMS. In case that's not the full story though, I'd more than consider exploring whether there are any other "roadblocks" going on as @Adam Coloretti (coach) suggests.

 

[pazjbj]

Sitting here just crying my eyes out. I don't even understand why.

Wish I could cry. I just don't have enough energy to do so.

 

[Patty Cakes]

I think you're doing tremendously well with the emotional work and you should be proud for facing it - but I think it might be wise for you to take a step back and focus more on TMS belief. You said you had doubts in another post, and there's very few things as dysregulating as thinking there's something seriously wrong with your body (we might not be able to remove all doubt, but we should remove all that we can at each stage of the process). I'm just concerned that the doubts in the diagnosis are in a way countering your best efforts on the emotional side of things (I don't mean that it's making it meaningless, it is absolutely still required and is also a tremendous practice as an act of self-compassion, that's just to potentially explain why you're more heightened overall - and it's a lot harder to do the emotional work in a heightened state that is in part due to fear of structural damage).

The reason I feel this way is because of what I quoted above. I understand how that is frightening, but it's also unbelievably strong evidence of TMS. Assuming that you have been checked by a doctor for more serious things, structural pain doesn't usually behave this way - it doesn't mirror on both sides of the body. I would make an evidence list if you haven't already and really focus on challenging your doubts around this being TMS (perhaps there's a clear roadblock we can work through, perhaps there's something else you need to get ticked off for your own peace of mind) - I'm happy to help with that if needed

I do have TMJ and have had it for decades. I do wear a night guard at night for clenching and all that has been said about it is to try to reduce my stress. A dentist even told me to wear it at work (which was a very stressful environment). I had to deal with people and it would have looked rather strange to wear it. I am now retired. But I guess that's what's keeping me from totally believing it's just TMS. I know I'm under tremendous stress with my husband, especially the last two years and that's when my pain started switching sides. ONe day it might hurt on that TMJ side and then could switch sides, multiple times in a day. I"ve been told that my TMJ could also cause pain throughout my body, especially during stressful times, of which have been plenty recently. So I guess that's where a bit of my doubt comes into play. Is the TMJ triggering all this pain or is it TMS or perhaps a combination of the two.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

I do have TMJ and have had it for decades. I do wear a night guard at night for clenching and all that has been said about it is to try to reduce my stress. A dentist even told me to wear it at work (which was a very stressful environment).

Was the diagnosis made purely on symptoms or were you checked/scanned for joint displacement or damage? I've got some very useful things to share from Howard Schubiner's book on TMJ but I have to ask you that first I do think this is at the crux of your doubt though and it's great awareness.

 

[Patty Cakes]

Was the diagnosis made purely on symptoms or were you checked/scanned for joint displacement or damage? I've got some very useful things to share from Howard Schubiner's book on TMJ but I have to ask you that first I do think this is at the crux of your doubt though and it's great awareness.

The dentist really didn't check for joint displacement, just heard the clicking when I opened my mouth. kind of winced and told me not to do that. .They suggested a night guard (which they made me) and told me to try to lessen my stress. There is no one in my area that works specifically with TMJ. The dentist told me biofeedback would be good for dealing with stress. I did buy a Sleep Guard a couple of months ago but need my son to help me set it correctly. I did biofeedback many years ago at another dentists office and it really helped but it was very expensive and was t covered by insurance. I did buy a GLP1 machine, where u place ur fingers on it to learn to decrease stress, however, I was just beginning this TMS work and was told that using it would just up my stress, so I have not used it yet. I don't think that many doctors truly understand TMJ or the pain it can cause. THey just blame it on stress. AT least that's been my experience.

 

[Cactusflower]

The dentist really didn't check for joint displacement, just heard the clicking when I opened my mouth. kind of winced and told me not to do that. .They suggested a night guard (which they made me) and told me to try to lessen my stress. There is no one in my area that works specifically with TMJ. The dentist told me biofeedback would be good for dealing with stress. I did buy a Sleep Guard a couple of months ago but need my son to help me set it correctly. I did biofeedback many years ago at another dentists office and it really helped but it was very expensive and was t covered by insurance. I did buy a GLP1 machine, where u place ur fingers on it to learn to decrease stress, however, I was just beginning this TMS work and was told that using it would just up my stress, so I have not used it yet. I don't think that many doctors truly understand TMJ or the pain it can cause. THey just blame it on stress. AT least that's been my experience.

My own dentist and hygienist have been taking classes on stress and it's impact on the jaw and teeth. I experienced "phantom" dental pain as part of TMS and they began to recognize it in their patients (I have clicking, can't open my jaw too far, and other things but don't experience TMJ pain, but "classic" jaw tension. I have a guard I wear to sleep and to exercise - which is in conjunction with my physical therapist. They offer it only for sensory input and to help me lower the tension by noticing the amount of pressure present - there's nothing to fix, nothing to do except help me notice when there is a lot of tension and then I can reflect on my emotions and thought cycle. Perhaps if you change your perception on what the appliance is for, it will help you gain some perspective that the specialists are probably right about the way you carry stress and tension in your body. My dentist now asks all his patients "how are you feeling" when they come into the office and re-direct them away from physical sensations and into their their bodies in general, he asks what is going on in their life and how they feel about it...and if they have some ways of de-stressing (he surfs on his lunch hour). In all the courses they have taken for TMJ science is leaning more towards muscular tension than a structural issue.

 

[Patty Cakes]

My own dentist and hygienist have been taking classes on stress and it's impact on the jaw and teeth. I experienced "phantom" dental pain as part of TMS and they began to recognize it in their patients (I have clicking, can't open my jaw too far, and other things but don't experience TMJ pain, but "classic" jaw tension. I have a guard I wear to sleep and to exercise - which is in conjunction with my physical therapist. They offer it only for sensory input and to help me lower the tension by noticing the amount of pressure present - there's nothing to fix, nothing to do except help me notice when there is a lot of tension and then I can reflect on my emotions and thought cycle. Perhaps if you change your perception on what the appliance is for, it will help you gain some perspective that the specialists are probably right about the way you carry stress and tension in your body. My dentist now asks all his patients "how are you feeling" when they come into the office and re-direct them away from physical sensations and into their their bodies in general, he asks what is going on in their life and how they feel about it...and if they have some ways of de-stressing (he surfs on his lunch hour). In all the courses they have taken for TMJ science is leaning more towards muscular tension than a structural issue.

Thanks for sharing that. It makes total sense. I have to use a bite block to help keep my mouth open and always tell them, even with the bite block for too long, my jaw will ache. IN doing this work, I'm beginning to realize the clenching was due to my utter frustration of being teased at the hands of my father when I was young, crying and telling him to stop and my words being ignored. MYhusband is very similar to him and I've been dealing with that frustration fora long time. Even when I talk about it, like now, I start crying. It's such a deep wound for me. I can feel it deep down inside. it hurts so bad and even writing or telling you about it, brings me to tears.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

I don't think that many doctors truly understand TMJ or the pain it can cause. THey just blame it on stress.

Whilst I appreciate how dismissing that is - they may have actually got to the right answer without knowing it/by taking the wrong path. In the absence of dislocation or damage, I think it's highly likely to be TMS.

In terms of the clicking, I think what's said in this article is potentially a giveaway. Whenever it is said that "something isn't a problem unless it causes pain" that makes me highly suspicious of TMS (https://www.nationaldentalcare.com.au/blog/whats-causing-my-jaw-to-click (Jaw popping and TMJ clicking | National Dental Care)). It's not always the case (I'm not saying it's a blanket rule), but it's essentially an admission that the structural moving and clicking of the jaw isn't an issue on its own (there's nothing mechanically concerning about it that requires treatment). Assuming it's TMS, then your jaw will likely still click when you're better, like @Cactusflower, so we don't need to necessarily eliminate this.

In terms of clenching, I think this may take some pressure off Patty because Dr Schubiner states in his new book "A sleep study showed that people with no pain were as likely as people with TMJ pain to have jaw clenching at night. In other words, many people have jaw clenching or bruxism at night without developing pain".

Because of this, I also wouldn't feel as if your clenching sentences you to pain - that doesn't necessarily need to be fixed either.

Also from Dr Schubiner - "MRIs of asymptomatic individuals show that about a third of people have disc displacement of the TMJ".

Let me know what you think and we can discuss your doubt in more detail - but given it's switching sides and also given the dentist didn't seem too concerned (I imagine they would be more so if they suspected serious structural issues), I would say there's a high chance this is fully TMS

 

[Cactusflower]

Thanks for sharing that. It makes total sense. I have to use a bite block to help keep my mouth open and always tell them, even with the bite block for too long, my jaw will ache. IN doing this work, I'm beginning to realize the clenching was due to my utter frustration of being teased at the hands of my father when I was young, crying and telling him to stop and my words being ignored. MYhusband is very similar to him and I've been dealing with that frustration fora long time. Even when I talk about it, like now, I start crying. It's such a deep wound for me. I can feel it deep down inside. it hurts so bad and even writing or telling you about it, brings me to tears.

Do you think it's also because you didn't think you could speak up. You kept your mouth clenched shut because "good girls" and "good children" were mean to be seen and not heard - as is a "good partner" to some people.
You learned to literally keep your mouth shut.
Opening it now may go against every single little fear deep down in your subconscious. But as you write and realize that it is safe to feel these things and SAY these things on paper and then tear them up and throw them away, it will calm down. You will get used to standing up for yourself without the fear of repercussion and you will learn that self-advocacy is safe and acceptable.

"For my own peace of mind, I really need to be spoken to with kindness, dignity and respect. If I don't hear these things, I will need to leave the room. I'll be happy to return when there is kindness, dignity and respect" and offer on your end some opportunity for the other party to learn and understand the boundary. They won't get it perfectly at first. You can offer them praise for trying. You can let them know this is difficult but change is needed on YOUR end. You kind model the type of interaction you want given to you.
I think right now you feel a little victimized, but at the same time, fear the power you actually hold. You DO hold power, and you hold it over the people you love - far more than you think, and right now in your situation, far more than they probably know (or do know and might be fearful of, the tables are turning). The beauty of it all is that you get to choose how to use your power. You can use it like a super power: for good and to vanquish evils! What an amazing thing to realize that this has always been right there, waiting for you to claim it.

I would also suggest that you set aside one or two days a week for "positive" journaling. Write about (or write an unsent or even a sent letter) to someone or some memory or good time in your life and reflect upon the sensations and emotions of that time - not in longing for that time back again but for remembering the lovely experience you had. It can be as simple as the taste of your favorite meal, or a sunset, or playing with a best friend ... anything at all. It helps to bring a little emotional balance back into the picture.

 

[Patty Cakes]

Do you think it's also because you didn't think you could speak up. You kept your mouth clenched shut because "good girls" and "good children" were mean to be seen and not heard - as is a "good partner" to some people.
You learned to literally keep your mouth shut.
Opening it now may go against every single little fear deep down in your subconscious. But as you write and realize that it is safe to feel these things and SAY these things on paper and then tear them up and throw them away, it will calm down. You will get used to standing up for yourself without the fear of repercussion and you will learn that self-advocacy is safe and acceptable.

"For my own peace of mind, I really need to be spoken to with kindness, dignity and respect. If I don't hear these things, I will need to leave the room. I'll be happy to return when there is kindness, dignity and respect" and offer on your end some opportunity for the other party to learn and understand the boundary. They won't get it perfectly at first. You can offer them praise for trying. You can let them know this is difficult but change is needed on YOUR end. You kind model the type of interaction you want given to you.
I think right now you feel a little victimized, but at the same time, fear the power you actually hold. You DO hold power, and you hold it over the people you love - far more than you think, and right now in your situation, far more than they probably know (or do know and might be fearful of, the tables are turning). The beauty of it all is that you get to choose how to use your power. You can use it like a super power: for good and to vanquish evils! What an amazing thing to realize that this has always been right there, waiting for you to claim it.

I would also suggest that you set aside one or two days a week for "positive" journaling. Write about (or write an unsent or even a sent letter) to someone or some memory or good time in your life and reflect upon the sensations and emotions of that time - not in longing for that time back again but for remembering the lovely experience you had. It can be as simple as the taste of your favorite meal, or a sunset, or playing with a best friend ... anything at all. It helps to bring a little emotional balance back into the picture.

I did speak up, like when I was teased by my father. I told him to stop but he didn't. Sadly, I married a man very much like him. I did use my voice but wasn't heard by either one. Neither one ever tried to listen or understand me. I know my words made sense but they were unable to hear. IM realizing that now. other people understood me. But your right, I became more quiet. I"m an introvert at heart. I do think that frustration might have caused me to clench, out of sheer frustration, for not being heard, being angry. YEs, you're right, I do feel victimized by all of that. I"m still dealing with my husband (who is ill and just got out of rehab) but I am setting my boundaries with him and no longer tolerate what I did. In doing this emotional work, that is the issue that comes up and is clearly my biggest hurt. I will spend some time journaling about the positive relationships and experiences I have too. I guess I was just focusing on my deepest hurt, in doing this work. NO wonder why my pain has increased. Thank u again for all your insight and suggestions.

 

[Patty Cakes]

Whilst I appreciate how dismissing that is - they may have actually got to the right answer without knowing it/by taking the wrong path. In the absence of dislocation or damage, I think it's highly likely to be TMS.

In terms of the clicking, I think what's said in this article is potentially a giveaway. Whenever it is said that "something isn't a problem unless it causes pain" that makes me highly suspicious of TMS (https://www.nationaldentalcare.com.au/blog/whats-causing-my-jaw-to-click (Jaw popping and TMJ clicking | National Dental Care)). It's not always the case (I'm not saying it's a blanket rule), but it's essentially an admission that the structural moving and clicking of the jaw isn't an issue on its own (there's nothing mechanically concerning about it that requires treatment). Assuming it's TMS, then your jaw will likely still click when you're better, like @Cactusflower, so we don't need to necessarily eliminate this.

In terms of clenching, I think this may take some pressure off Patty because Dr Schubiner states in his new book "A sleep study showed that people with no pain were as likely as people with TMJ pain to have jaw clenching at night. In other words, many people have jaw clenching or bruxism at night without developing pain".

Because of this, I also wouldn't feel as if your clenching sentences you to pain - that doesn't necessarily need to be fixed either.

Also from Dr Schubiner - "MRIs of asymptomatic individuals show that about a third of people have disc displacement of the TMJ".

Let me know what you think and we can discuss your doubt in more detail - but given it's switching sides and also given the dentist didn't seem too concerned (I imagine they would be more so if they suspected serious structural issues), I would say there's a high chance this is fully TMS

Thank you. That makes me feel so much better and makes a lot of sense.

 

[Patty Cakes]

I did speak up, like when I was teased by my father. I told him to stop but he didn't. Sadly, I married a man very much like him. I did use my voice but wasn't heard by either one. Neither one ever tried to listen or understand me. I know my words made sense but they were unable to hear. IM realizing that now. other people understood me. But your right, I became more quiet. I"m an introvert at heart. I do think that frustration might have caused me to clench, out of sheer frustration, for not being heard, being angry. YEs, you're right, I do feel victimized by all of that. I"m still dealing with my husband (who is ill and just got out of rehab) but I am setting my boundaries with him and no longer tolerate what I did. In doing this emotional work, that is the issue that comes up and is clearly my biggest hurt. I will spend some time journaling about the positive relationships and experiences I have too. I guess I was just focusing on my deepest hurt, in doing this work. NO wonder why my pain has increased. Thank u again for all your insight and suggestions.

DEar Cactus flower--if I may ask a more personal question of you, did you experience any head and body tightness on one side of body? The head sensation (be it on left or right) usually coincides with that side of body tightening up. IM experiencing it again today. it feels so much scarier when it happens on the right side. IF not, have u dealt with others that get tightness down one side of their body? WHen i feel this tightening, i think i panic. My heart beats fast, i feel dread, i feel off balance, my lips get very dry. I feel shaky. I guess it might help to know Im not the only one who experiences that. I've read other posts about back pain, shoulder, hip pain but not tightening being felt from head to down my leg. I wish I could calm down but sometimes the more I worry, the tighter my body feels. That's what frightens me the most. It's been happening a lot more, now that I'm looking at these deep emotional wounds.

 

[Cactusflower]

Patty Cakes: I do have tightness - at first it seemed to be more on one side, but later on it switched and it still switches. I have had more neck and shoulder sensations than anything in my head.
I hear your panic and your symptoms of sensations like lips getting dry, dread, heartbeat feeling fast "off balance" is absolutely the sensations of fear. I think almost everyone who visits this forum has felt some sort of this type of physical fear. It is really good that you can lean into those sensations. Now you begin to work on the understanding that these sensations are ONLY fear - not to be frightened of. Let the fear wash over you because in this way, the fear is an emotion. It will pass and will pass fairly quickly.
The suffering we feel in fear is mostly our fight against it. Our lack of acceptance that it is temporary and something we don't want to feel. Starting with these benign sensations, you can begin to have some compassion for yourself. Your lips get dry: smooth them with a balm, take a drink and a deep breath. Notice your heartbeat and perhaps a quick shallow breath. Don't alter any of it don't fight against it, just notice it.
Notice your energy level: do you feel restless, or still?
I would recommend learning to be with "what is" - Kirsten Kneff is a wonderful guide who specializes in coaching people in meditation and just being in the moment no matter what. Don't use her meditations as a "fix" (as in, OHHHH< here it is again, I need to visit Kirsten Kneff) - I recommend adding in one of her meditations every day or two. Lay on the floor or the bed, pillow under knees, and head if that relaxes you and listen to what she has to say. You can start just by listening. These are offered for free https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/
I like to wear a pair of earphones and zone out for a bit.

What does this "do"? It helps you break habits. Your "panic" which is a reaction is simply a habit. It is the alarm for your nervous system. Every time you have the alarm go off, it adds to your "stress bucket" and your body has sensations and it also gets "wound up" on top of that. Keep your focus on the sensation of the emotions and just opening up to them - allow the unpleasant and begin to soften towards it while you meditate. You can also begin to notice where and when you feel "good" and soften towards these pleasant feelings and emotions while you meditate. All you want to do is to create some new habits both in our body and mind.

If you struggle to do the work, some coaches recommend having a schedule. Schedule out your time when you write. Schedule out some time to meditate. One thing that is also recommended is to spend some time focusing your mind on the more pleasant. It's basically imagining your life as you'd like it to be, the things you would like to be doing eventually, or the places you'd like to visit. If that is a challenge, perhaps build a safe space in your mind and spend a few moments there a day. Sometimes I imagine strolling my favorite plant nursery (it's my happy place), or having my own little room decorated in my favorite way with a cosey bench to meditate and soft pillows to support my body. It just takes a few minutes a day - perhaps on a coffee break or something to do that little exercise. These are all small and simple things to sprinkle through your day at specific times.

I will also say that you are beginning to be able to talk about the "other" symptoms of TMS that are more emotionally related, but you are still very centered in the physical. Dr. Hanscomb, a TMS specialist (and someone who experiences it himself) recommends that you begin to take the "sting" out of what you are going through by not talking about TMS to anyone in your life. Begin to sort of focus out on the lense of zeroing in so much on any symptom. Find small ways to give it less importance. Of course we all sometimes experience that focus but you just try and focus out again, and keep doing these kinds of things over and over as a way to change habits. I have never found anyone with the host of symptoms I have and have had and it took me awhile to realize that it doesn't matter what the specific symptom is. Find ways to keep your mental focus elsewhere, even if it's hard. Do your favorite things even if it's hard. Even if you can only do them for 2 seconds. Do them.
Tomorrow it might be more seconds.
Tomorrow there is more opportunity to re-focus, to practice new techniques, to have even one second of success sensing emotions without running from them.

Step by step. Keep note of your successes. The fact you are diligently journaling even though it's hard is an amazing success. Congratulate every win. Turn the tide.

 

[Patty Cakes]

Patty Cakes: I do have tightness - at first it seemed to be more on one side, but later on it switched and it still switches. I have had more neck and shoulder sensations than anything in my head.
I hear your panic and your symptoms of sensations like lips getting dry, dread, heartbeat feeling fast "off balance" is absolutely the sensations of fear. I think almost everyone who visits this forum has felt some sort of this type of physical fear. It is really good that you can lean into those sensations. Now you begin to work on the understanding that these sensations are ONLY fear - not to be frightened of. Let the fear wash over you because in this way, the fear is an emotion. It will pass and will pass fairly quickly.
The suffering we feel in fear is mostly our fight against it. Our lack of acceptance that it is temporary and something we don't want to feel. Starting with these benign sensations, you can begin to have some compassion for yourself. Your lips get dry: smooth them with a balm, take a drink and a deep breath. Notice your heartbeat and perhaps a quick shallow breath. Don't alter any of it don't fight against it, just notice it.
Notice your energy level: do you feel restless, or still?
I would recommend learning to be with "what is" - Kirsten Kneff is a wonderful guide who specializes in coaching people in meditation and just being in the moment no matter what. Don't use her meditations as a "fix" (as in, OHHHH< here it is again, I need to visit Kirsten Kneff) - I recommend adding in one of her meditations every day or two. Lay on the floor or the bed, pillow under knees, and head if that relaxes you and listen to what she has to say. You can start just by listening. These are offered for free https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/
I like to wear a pair of earphones and zone out for a bit.

What does this "do"? It helps you break habits. Your "panic" which is a reaction is simply a habit. It is the alarm for your nervous system. Every time you have the alarm go off, it adds to your "stress bucket" and your body has sensations and it also gets "wound up" on top of that. Keep your focus on the sensation of the emotions and just opening up to them - allow the unpleasant and begin to soften towards it while you meditate. You can also begin to notice where and when you feel "good" and soften towards these pleasant feelings and emotions while you meditate. All you want to do is to create some new habits both in our body and mind.

If you struggle to do the work, some coaches recommend having a schedule. Schedule out your time when you write. Schedule out some time to meditate. One thing that is also recommended is to spend some time focusing your mind on the more pleasant. It's basically imagining your life as you'd like it to be, the things you would like to be doing eventually, or the places you'd like to visit. If that is a challenge, perhaps build a safe space in your mind and spend a few moments there a day. Sometimes I imagine strolling my favorite plant nursery (it's my happy place), or having my own little room decorated in my favorite way with a cosey bench to meditate and soft pillows to support my body. It just takes a few minutes a day - perhaps on a coffee break or something to do that little exercise. These are all small and simple things to sprinkle through your day at specific times.

I will also say that you are beginning to be able to talk about the "other" symptoms of TMS that are more emotionally related, but you are still very centered in the physical. Dr. Hanscomb, a TMS specialist (and someone who experiences it himself) recommends that you begin to take the "sting" out of what you are going through by not talking about TMS to anyone in your life. Begin to sort of focus out on the lense of zeroing in so much on any symptom. Find small ways to give it less importance. Of course we all sometimes experience that focus but you just try and focus out again, and keep doing these kinds of things over and over as a way to change habits. I have never found anyone with the host of symptoms I have and have had and it took me awhile to realize that it doesn't matter what the specific symptom is. Find ways to keep your mental focus elsewhere, even if it's hard. Do your favorite things even if it's hard. Even if you can only do them for 2 seconds. Do them.
Tomorrow it might be more seconds.
Tomorrow there is more opportunity to re-focus, to practice new techniques, to have even one second of success sensing emotions without running from them.

Step by step. Keep note of your successes. The fact you are diligently journaling even though it's hard is an amazing success. Congratulate every win. Turn the tide.

I want to thank you so much for sharing what you did and for giving me suggestions on how to proceed. I don't think I could go through all of this on my own, without people like yourself, helping people like me. Thank you again. i don't feel so alone in all of this.

 

[Alouqua47]

"Hello, I had to reply to your post, even if it's late. When I started my recovery, I knew my brain was highly sensitized because I had too many symptoms, and some were very severe and painful. Maybe due to the difficult years of my life, but also because of the fear I had felt toward my own symptoms, which had worsened them. However, at the beginning, everything got worse: my main pain increased, then it spread, and new symptoms appeared. I knew this process wasn't linear, but I didn't think I would experience all of this. Many posts and the replies from kind people on this forum gave me hope; they talked about imperative symptoms, extinction bursts, and other concepts, but I felt so insecure. The fear persisted, and I didn't know if I was actually responding well to the symptoms; I constantly doubted my own capabilities. The only thing I had experienced was that my brain did know how to make everything worse. Even so, I tried to be understanding: maybe it was just a traumatized and insecure brain. I had to keep telling it that we were okay and safe, and the only way was to respond correctly, maintaining neutrality in the face of what it might believe is a threat, whether by creating new symptoms or increasing the ones that already existed. Despite that, I kept going because I understood that, although this process is individual and the stories don't necessarily look alike, there is a common factor in all of them: first is acceptance, and second, that at many points along the way, it will seem like everything is getting worse. Symptoms can increase in intensity or new ones can appear, but it's not that you are regressing; it's simply your brain asking you: 'Are you sure we are okay? Are you sure we are safe?'. Your only response must be to tell it yes, answering with neutrality. That is the only way out: you have to retrain your brain toward safety again. Basically, look at it as if these were tests or exams; the more you keep going and try to be neutral toward the symptoms while getting back to your life, the easier it will be for the brain to find safety again and understand the futility of these alarms. Symptoms might start to decrease, maybe it will be very subtle and you won't even notice. But you already know how this goes: if you keep responding well to the symptoms, calming your mind, and getting back to your life within your possibilities, you are demonstrating safety to your brain. The tendency should be toward improvement. It is normal for a sensitized brain to behave this way; this is the normal process, and as you find safety, things will get better. I wish you the best of luck."

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[Alouqua47]

"I forgot to mention that you must allow yourself to feel all your emotions. At first, I thought that crying was a sign of failure in this process. I believed I was sending that signal to my brain. But over time, and through the experiences of others, I realized it was a way of letting go and part of the recovery process. Cry if you need to, and do it with self-compassion. This is hard. It is a process. Take a deep breath and go for a walk if you need to. It happened to me all the time, even when my symptoms were milder. In fact, depression and anxiety are also symptoms you might experience, and they are things created by the brain. Therefore, maintain a neutral attitude toward them as well. I noticed that by doing that, every time they returned, they were less intense. I'll leave you with these two links that gave me more peace of mind and courage regarding what this process is like:

 

[Patty Cakes]

"Hello, I had to reply to your post, even if it's late. When I started my recovery, I knew my brain was highly sensitized because I had too many symptoms, and some were very severe and painful. Maybe due to the difficult years of my life, but also because of the fear I had felt toward my own symptoms, which had worsened them. However, at the beginning, everything got worse: my main pain increased, then it spread, and new symptoms appeared. I knew this process wasn't linear, but I didn't think I would experience all of this. Many posts and the replies from kind people on this forum gave me hope; they talked about imperative symptoms, extinction bursts, and other concepts, but I felt so insecure. The fear persisted, and I didn't know if I was actually responding well to the symptoms; I constantly doubted my own capabilities. The only thing I had experienced was that my brain did know how to make everything worse. Even so, I tried to be understanding: maybe it was just a traumatized and insecure brain. I had to keep telling it that we were okay and safe, and the only way was to respond correctly, maintaining neutrality in the face of what it might believe is a threat, whether by creating new symptoms or increasing the ones that already existed. Despite that, I kept going because I understood that, although this process is individual and the stories don't necessarily look alike, there is a common factor in all of them: first is acceptance, and second, that at many points along the way, it will seem like everything is getting worse. Symptoms can increase in intensity or new ones can appear, but it's not that you are regressing; it's simply your brain asking you: 'Are you sure we are okay? Are you sure we are safe?'. Your only response must be to tell it yes, answering with neutrality. That is the only way out: you have to retrain your brain toward safety again. Basically, look at it as if these were tests or exams; the more you keep going and try to be neutral toward the symptoms while getting back to your life, the easier it will be for the brain to find safety again and understand the futility of these alarms. Symptoms might start to decrease, maybe it will be very subtle and you won't even notice. But you already know how this goes: if you keep responding well to the symptoms, calming your mind, and getting back to your life within your possibilities, you are demonstrating safety to your brain. The tendency should be toward improvement. It is normal for a sensitized brain to behave this way; this is the normal process, and as you find safety, things will get better. I wish you the best of luck."

---

I thank you so much for sharing your struggles and making me feel that you understand. I"m going through the same things you wrote about--the painful and severe symptoms. The fear u had toward ur symptoms, same as me. The difficult yrs of ur life--just like me. Ur symptoms increasing, spreading and new symptoms appearing, just like mine are doing now. Opening up those deep wounds, cuts me to my core. Maintaining neutrality I'm finding is the hardest thing to do. I try to tell myself I'm safe, yet the pain persists. I know it takes time and as u said, u need to retrain ur brain to safety. but you give me hope that when u continue, as difficult as it is, can be achieved. I can't thank u enough for sharing ur personal story with me. I've felt so alone in this and it really helps to know this struggle is real, it's raw and it feels horrible but there is hope, to find my way out of it. Thank u again. I really needed it today. today's been very, very painful and difficult.

 

[Alouqua47]

"I am so glad I could make you feel better in some way. The process is difficult; it still is for me. However, my main pain has improved, even though I have many more symptoms now. I guess my brain needs to confirm that we are safe. I must keep going, and I know things will still fluctuate and, at times, it will feel like it’s not working, but that is just how the process goes. I have to keep showing it—and so do you—that you are okay.
That is exactly how neuroplasticity works: just as your brain learned to be sensitive to everything and give you those false alarms in your body, it can learn to feel safe again, creating new connections and weakening old ones. You can do this. Keep moving forward as best as you can; you don't have to be perfect. Truth be told, I was never sure if I was responding the right way, I just did the best I could with my activities (reading, walking, watching success stories) which were the things that kept me moving forward. I wish you the best of luck."