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Does your tms sabatoge your fun?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by jamejamesjames1, Aug 18, 2020.

  1. jamejamesjames1

    jamejamesjames1 Peer Supporter

    Does anyone else get in the way of their own fun because of tms and negative thought processes? Has anyone have any tips to overcome. I'm starting to think having more fun could really help my healing

    I'll give some examples, but the theme seems to be two ideas..
    1) the instinctual (but likely wrong) thought that I shouldn't do anything fun except try to heal or "else" things will get worse and take much longer. That time should be spent on trying to feel better
    2) judging me and the activity. Thinking I should be doing something else or that the content isn't good enough or im a loser for engaging in certain things

    Examples....

    Wife wanted to watch a movie. Whole time I think "is there something better I should be doing? Is there a better movie? Am I wasting my time?"

    Reading a new book " this is the authors first book. How do I know it's any good? What if it is good? There aren't any others to read. Either way it'll be a waste of time"

    Father in law asks if I'll follow the football team this year " what's the point? It's going to be weird because of covid. I have no control over the outcome and it doesn't matter anyway"

    Want to listen to a podcast about UFOs (i don't believe in them but did as a kid and find it oddly entertaining and relaxing) "you are a grown man. You can't listen to that stuff. Especially when you have pain to deal with"

    Casual breakfast with family " is it too quite? Should I talk more? Should I be silly for the kids? Should I have a serious talk with my wife . Is it ok to just be quite and enjoy the food? The food isn't that great. I wish I didn't have to waste time eating"

    Often times I end up not doing the activity and I stead spend time "healing" like it's a fun past time.

    Im aware how ridicoulous the words are when I write them down.. but those are the thoughts

    I'm wondering if I should spend time trying to have better thoughts around these subjects. Is it possible it's this incredible negative thinking and focus fear on the pain that's keeping it around and NOT emotions (as I think I've exhausted that route)?
     
  2. Grimbo

    Grimbo Newcomer

    Sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
    Sounds like you are being negative, overthinking, indecisive & giving yourself a hard time.

    I do the same - it's like we are constantly in this mildly anxious state. I believe it's called Emotion Regulation or Affect Regulation. Knowing & reminding myself that other people have this makes me feel better.
    I get obsessed with idea that I need to spend the rest of my days, whilst I'm alive, doing something valuable... then end up stressed & maybe not doing anything! ha ha
    So I have to remind myself that one can never do enough activities with loved ones - it's never the wrong decision. Love always wins!
    If I get myself into an indecisive rut, then I say to myself "will I even remember watching this crap documentary with my partner in a weeks time?" 99.9% of the time the answer is no. Just enjoy having a coffee & spending time with a family member.

    I try to put a certain amount of time to one side each day, say 20 mns to do TMS mantras, visualisation etc, then get on with work or relaxing, if it's weekend.

    Hope this helps.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2020
  3. Tms_joe

    Tms_joe Well known member

    You are attacking the “problem” as if thinking can solve it. Thinking is the problem. Every bit of indecisiveness You described is negativity. Pressuring yourself bc you feel things should be a certain way.

    Not limiting your activity is critical to healing TMS.

    The only reason you think your time can be wasted is bc you feel it is especially valuable. You believe it’s more valuable than other’s time, and that’s likely part of your struggles. It’s entitlement.
     
  4. Idearealist

    Idearealist Peer Supporter

    Yes, I really struggle with feeling like I should always be doing something productive.
     

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