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Does tms go away when you ACCEPT that your problem is trauma or when you FIX it?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by newlearner, Mar 10, 2022.

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  1. newlearner

    newlearner New Member

    Or does fixing it not work unless you resolve the trauma as well?

    For example, you live with narcissist family and there is nonsense 24/7 that stresses you out. Does just REALIZING this result in the pain going away, or do you have to actually fix the situation for it to go away?
     
  2. QualityAssured

    QualityAssured New Member

    I can't speak for everyone but I think accepting the emotions is the primary path to beating TMS. For me personally, I have a father who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when I was maybe six years old. I acknowledged he was mentally ill and harbored no conscious hatred towards him. My thought process was "He's mentally ill, it makes no sense to be angry at him". It wasn't until recently, when I started having TMS symptoms and began the journaling process that I discovered what kind of deep hatred I had of him. I haven't decided if i'm going to confront him about my anger, because quite frankly I think it would fall on deaf ears. In regards to your situation, you can't change the narcissism factor in people, only how you react to it. Hope this helps, and good luck :)
     
    Ellen likes this.
  3. FredAmir

    FredAmir Well known member

    Certainly, the realization helps. However, if the person keeps making you angry and creates a lot of tension, it will be hard not to experience TMS symptoms.

    For myself after I recovered from all my symptoms I searched for ways to reduce or eliminate sources on internal and external tensions.

    I had to learn ways to overcome perfectionism and worrying. I also had to learn better ways to communicate with my wife and set boundaries with my parents.

    Once I did that I was free of TMS and have been for almost 30 years.
     
    Theresaann likes this.
  4. jaumeb

    jaumeb Peer Supporter

    In my case, I had to abandon the idea of "recovery" and embrace a "living with it" attitude. When I was 100% sure my symptoms were psychological I wasn't as worried about them. The symptoms were not going to stop me... at least not completely...

    I started devoted time to other things instead of focusing all my efforts on "getting better"...
     
    Ellen likes this.
  5. Theresaann

    Theresaann Newcomer

    I agree with FredAmir, if we are currently in a situation of abuse, it's difficult to process these issues, but in my experience, not completely. I found that when I got in touch with the anger and hurt causing my symptoms and forgave those involved, which sometimes took several times, and set safe boundaries for myself, the symptoms abated. As a believer in Jesus, I also needed His help, and prayed for help to forgive and I had faith that He's got me and I'm safe. So a combination of things. With narcissist family members, I have done a ton of acceptance work, and not taking their behaviors and words personally. AND having better boundaries, this was vital for my healing!
     
  6. newlearner

    newlearner New Member

    Can you describe some ways you overcame perfectionism?
     
  7. FredAmir

    FredAmir Well known member

    Certainly!

    Perfectionist is a person who feels he or she has to do everything perfectly and if makes a mistake is overly critical of oneself.

    Once I was aware of I made a conscious differentiation between various aspects of my life. Some areas, like writing my books, need to be nearly perfect. However, my desk or my car do not have to be always neat and organized.

    It takes some effort but eventually you will feel much more relaxed about how you go about your day.
     

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