Doctor paranoia

Just when I think I've moved past a symptom, up it pops again. In this case, doctor paranoia. This past spring after having the shit scared out of me with female issues, I thought I moved to a place of peace at not freaking out over symptoms and tests. (It didn't help that this doc pulled out all the stops in ordering tests and a biopsy.)

So today I thought I should act like an adult and assume responsibility for my health and get a mole checked out. It's probably okay but I can feel the old TMS fear fixation starting to do it's thing....OMGOSH!!! You have MELANOMA!!!! And it didn't help that the chapter I was listening to in Dr. Mate's book, When the Body Says No, talked about melanoma.

So instead of going down that path, I made an appointment. And of course, that's after I spent 1/2 hour on the phone verifying providers and benefits with my insurance company. And then there's the 20 questions they ask you when you do make an appointment.

By the time I was finished, my anxiety was flying high. I was able to stop what I was doing and so I could go wander about the back yard and reflect upon why I overreact to medical visits so much.

I know Sarno says aging and mortality is a biggie behind TMS and being 51, I'm cognizant that there's more life behind me than ahead of me, statistically speaking.

But I'm still clueless as to why the anxiety. Anyone else deal with this?

 

Ack. I feel your anxiety, NS.

Some thoughts: Conditioned response, for one thing. Constant hammering by almost everything in our lives about health problems. As we age, more people we know with health problems. A lifetime of thinking physically rather than psychologically.

And yes - deep-seated rage at the unfairness of it all. Because even if we live 100% mindful lives and learn to self-heal all of our health issues, we're still going to die. And it sucks.

 

Ah, good insight, Jan! Conditioned responses and the on-going bombardment of health warnings. And only this week, I heard of a childhood friend who was diagnosed with cancer. I know as I get older, the frequency of these sort of things will increase.

My doctor friend put things quite bluntly - Humanity - a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality. lol

Part of what I have been working on rewiring is the whole "aging is a bitch" mentality...complete with the free pass to whine and carry on about health issues. As much as I love where we live, the majority of the population here is retirement age. Along with that comes a greater concentration of health care offerings and overheard grocery store chit chat revolving around the latest surgery.

I've been addressing my fear of death too. I had a dear friend who modeled to me what it is to dye with grace. She had cancer and passed when she was 48. She was a beautiful soul who rested in her belief that it was only a transition.

I'm reading Buddha's Brain right now and that is helping me on many fronts with this sort of stuff. But yeah, death does suck, doesn't it?

Hugs to you, Jan!

 

It feels like a really delicate balance. Somehow we have to acknowledge and accept that we have deep rage over the unfairness of death and the decline towards death, but complaining about the day to day aspects of it is supremely counter-productive and negative.

Yikes. My head is spinning.

PS - Hugs back, North Star!

 

A balance indeed! There's a constant dance/tension going on. Learning to accept things as they are with non judgmental awareness while realizing the transient nature of everything is helping me find peace in all the seeming contradictions.

Wow. Feel like I should toking on something with what I just wrote. lol

 

Girl, you crack me up

 

Yes, I am dealing with ANXIETY ISSUES as well and closing into my 50's plus my Dad died a year and a half ago...

I am going to get blasted on this forum, but, Gabor Mates book is the WORST book to read if you have Health Anxiety.

Have unresolved problems that only the unconicous mind knows but you don't...YOU ARE GOING TO GET ALS! Be a "do gooder" and your going to get CANCER because your pissing the "id off" and your shadow wants to be revealed....I don't know guys and gals, but that isn't good...

Oh, and you are messed over if we can't unveil these deep dark problems in the unconscious mind we are doomed...

I am sorry guys and gals, but if anyone has health anxiety you should just stick to Sarno at least he has more positive reinforcement..

Kalo

 

Hi Kalo, Nope, no blasting from here. You bring up valid points and I totally agree that Mate's books aren't for everyone. Especially if anxiety levels are high.
But I don't hear him saying that a person is doomed to health issues because of their emotional/sub-c issues.
On the contrary, I find it fascinating AND encouraging that using a mind/body approach in treating serious issues like MS shows quantifiable proof that it helps.
I know for me, if my anxiety is running high, I do limit my exposure to medical info. (Like use Web MD to research a symptom.) I will read the .03% risk of something horrible and just KNOW I have it. My nursing background doesn't help these tendencies but I am much better than I was a few years ago.

I'm sorry about the loss of your father. That's still pretty recent.

 

Hi, North Star. If you're still troubled about the mole, I had an experience that could relieve your mind.
Several years ago I noticed a pimple on my neck that did not go away after a few weeks. I saw my doctor and he suggested I have a cancer specialist look at it. The specialist was head of cancer surgery at the area hospital and he looked at it but couldn't even see it until I pointed it out to him. He immediately said it needed to be cut out and scheduled surgery. My family doctor had earlier cautioned me to ask for a culture to be taken before agreeing to surgery.
The cancer surgeon strongly objected to a culture, but I insisted. The culture was taken and a week later I called about the results. His nurse said it was just a small water blister and nothing to worry about. So I did a lot of worrying for nothing, and I hope that will be the case with your mole. If you do have to have it removed, maybe laser treatment will solve the problem. In any case, try not to worry about it.

 

Ah yes, Walt. Too often they reach for a sledge hammer instead of a fly swatter. I figure this one is more likely another present from aging...but instead of getting paranoid, I'll get it checked out.

I'm glad your issue was a non issue!