Do you rationalize successes away?

I have a two part question...do you rationalize successes away? For example, I've had debilitating feet pain for 17 years. It's been bad. Really bad. I've had 3 surgeries and complications. I've been on scooters and in wheelchairs during some of that time. I've spent a month at a pain clinic. Tried many medications and on and on and on. I actually have no real diagnosis b/c no one can find anything concrete wrong with me on tests. Of course there are many, many, many hypothesis' by every different type of doctor. Ironically, when visiting a new doctor, whatever he/she specialized in was always 100% what I supposedly had wrong with me. Anyway, it's be over 2 years now that I've been working on my pain from a TMS stand-point. I've slowly been able to do more and more (my main issue is pain in both feet when standing in place). Never had any huge epiphany moments but slowly have more tolerance for standing. A few weeks ago, we decided to do what I would call the UNTHINKABLE...we booked a trip to Disney World! I never ever thought this type of trip would be possible for me w/o being in a wheelchair. I was nervous leading up to the trip b/c I wasn't sure how it would go. We knew we could rent a wheelchair at the park if we had to, but I really wanted to see if I could do it without one. Well, we did 3 days in a row (14 hrs, 11 hours and 10 hour days!) and I did not use a wheelchair! I did 20,000 steps on day one alone. I stood in lines as long as 30 minutes. I should be elated! I am happy, but I minimize the success. I ended up using a small portable stool in line. So sometimes I'd sit down while in line. And because of this, I seem to not be able to see the trip as a complete success for my feet. I go back and forth now that we are home from the trip. Sometimes I think 'I kicked TMS in the ass' 'I walked all day long for 3 days and stood in lines, there is nothing I can't do!' Other times I think it wasn't that big of a deal what I did b/c I used the stool and sat during the shows. I convince myself it didn't do as much as I thought I did. Do others do this too?

 

Your story is an incredible success story. My feet would hurt after 20,000 steps and I don't even have a foot problem. You should be incredibly proud of yourself. At home are you able to walk?

In some way you have to stop the negative self talk when it starts. Maybe a therapist could help with this..

 

Just wondering, what were you doing when the pain began?

 

That is incredible. Like tgirl said, I couldn't walk that much and I've never had foot problems. You should be extremely proud of yourself.
You are just being a perfectionist about the stool. It's part of the TMS personality. I think we all do it.
Did you save any of your journaling? Sometimes I look back at lists of things I would like to do if I didn't have pain. I remember what I was feeling when I wrote them and I feel so different now. So many of those issues do not exist anymore and that is success right? Remember when you were in so much pain you would say you would do anything to not feel that pain and be normal? You are now. Be grateful you can walk and go have fun and do things you were not able to. What a gift.

 

The first time I had any pain I was running alot. It just began with heel pain in both heels, but then it morphed into entire sole of the foot pain. It was a very slow progression, over probably 5 years before it really hindered my life and by 10 years in, it was debilitating. But no injury or actual day that it started to hurt. One day it was just there.

 

[QUOTE="Ines, post: 75504, member: 4500" Remember when you were in so much pain you would say you would do anything to not feel that pain and be normal? You are now..[/QUOTE]

YES...my husband reminds me of this all the time. I'd say 'If only I could take my daughter on a stroller walk' or 'If only I could go to the park with her', etc, etc. So, yes from this stand point I'm so thankful and grateful!

But my major issue has mostly been standing in place (strange, I know). And that is where the hang up has been the past year. I seem to have regained the ability to walk with minimal pain, but stopping to stand in line or stand at a party, etc is still and issue. No where near it had been, but it seems to have leveled off at 80%. I can do it with less pain than I had in the past where I could only last 3-4 minutes, but it's not gone. I'm a fighter, probably like many of us. So I'm at Disney and in line and by mid-day, my pain is starting to rise. I'm disappointed b/c I wanted it to just not appear. I try to ignore it and push thur it, but after a few more hours of getting on and off rides and standing in line, I have to break out my stool. I did the rest of the day with minimal issues by using the stool, but i needed the stool. I'm only 40 years old. My husband was able to do the entire day without a stool. Everyone around me was doing it. My new sentence now is 'if only I could stand as long as I want without pain...'

Crazy enough I STILL question if it's even TMS at all. I tell people it is but sometimes I wonder if it's not all one big coincidence. Not that I think there is a medical reason. I haven't thought of a medical reason for my pain in 3-4 years now.

Can I ever get to 100% healed after all this time? I don't even know what normal feet are supposed to feel like anymore.

 

Hello want to believe,

Your 'name' on this forum direct took my attension,
But so much more did your post
I am a footsufferer too
There is somuch in your story that i reconized. My footproblem (1 foot) starter 4,5 years ago.
This year made Some progress but not even close to what you did:
thee days walking ?? : just the throught makes me cry, thee hours would be a miracle.
Say 45 minutes at once would make me happy I went from zero walking and being in pain all day to small walks and some sort of level in beareable mild pain as long as i keep it as this ammount of steps at a day and with a maximum at a time.
What is a dissaster for any normal life.
In fact normal life and just like you said : normal feet i can hardly remember.
Had and have somethimes other pain issues but neither one had this impact.
I think if i had a trip to Disney that heavy on my feet i would think : cured!
But understanding also the doubts and fears. Your remark : what normal feet feel like ? I so get that : somethimes at a point of the day my feet get warm and burning : then fear rises : my husband said: Well so do i at end of the day : and he reminded me of 10 years ago after a long trip in the car i would kick of my shoes for same reasons! He remembers that : i do not.
I can't remember painless feet that is the problem. Also lines in shops etc freak me out. Your story is hopefull for me : after so long having your feet
somuch better : wauw !! What a joy


greeting,
Karina

 

Hi Karina,
Thanks for the message! Truly thank you b/c it does remind me of where I came from and that I need to celebrate the success. But we always want more! And to reiterate...I could not walk to the end of the block 5 years ago. Do your feet hurt more when standing still than when walking? My normal life was gone. I owned and ran my own personal training business! I was a fitness competitor. I hiked and biked and traveled the world. I could do none of it. Doctors had me taking oxycontin and oxycodone, tramadol, cymbalta, gabapentin and on and on. None of it made a dent. I stopped the oxy after 3 days bc I felt like I was living in a fog. Horrible. Grocery shopping, any shopping or lines and parties all terrified me. So there is HOPE! I have improved so, so, so much! It's crazy that I'm not able to really accept that. It's the hardest thing to explain. I do realize it, but it's like I don't want to fully accept it or celebrate it until it's 100% gone. How could I STILL question if it's TMS? But I do. For me, I saw the most results when I started TMS and went to panel discussions to listen to success stories (I live in Chicago and we have an awesome TMS doctor here). And then my secondly, I'd say I saw improvement when I just stopped therapy. I was skyping with a therapist who was well versed in TMS/MBS and had overcome his own pain using the techniques. I think the therapy served a positive purpose initially but after awhile it kept me to 'in it'. Do you know what I mean? Like I was trying to apply what he'd taught me and I was thinking about different TMS principles daily. I moved and had to stop therapy for awhile and I started to see improvement. I just got away from doing anything to treat the pain and I started to think about it less (I know it seems impossible to you know to think about it less) and then slowly (very slowly) I noticed I could stand longer and longer. For me now, I want to never think about it! I want to do whatever I want without a stool and without any pain. I'm still moving forward as I have and maybe it will just take more time. I don't dwell on it daily, but I'd be lying if I said I don't wonder when/if it can fully be completely gone. If you ever want to chat more please just email me at jeichmann21@yahoo.com . A talked with a few people on the phone that had overcome feet pain and it really did help me.

Jodie

 

and sorry just reread that post and there are typos and lots of run-0n sentences. Hope it makes sense to you.

 

Hi want to believe,

It all makes sense to me !
Here i was wondering if my post made any sense to you english not being my language, sometimes scared you cannot understand fully what i meant
I love the fact that you shares your email with me!!
Will mail you this evenening !!
For me is not hard to imagine why you are not totally happy : i guess for me it would be : fear! When i have some small accomplicement new : i have that too (3 days Disney would be somethimes else i think is the fear of the experience of getting your hopes up before and then taking away : i often think i cannot take that again : losing parts of life
So being in a state of ' Well i wait and see what comes after this' is preventing me from being truelly happy then. Wich is wrong but i think human too. My plan is now to look for a therapist : not a tms kind (nowhere here anyway ) but regular one to talk about some stuff. Till now did not want to go there, but maybe try that too.

Will mail you!! , with help from mister Google translate perhaps

Thank you already

Karina

 

Want really stands out for me : my first tiny approvents started too when i stopped the ''search' : doctors, specialist , tests
I started a new study and shift focus for a while (ofcourse my feet where there to) but this helped a bit in the fight against the complete obession 24 hrs a day

 

Want to believe, yr name is a clue. Here r some thoughts.

Yr thinking is black & white which means its either nothing or all. U need to change this way of thinking. It may be a personality trait u need to work on, maybe journal about more.
U may be a perfectionist & nothing but 100% will do which is huge TMS trait.
U r still thinking too much which is detrimental & will affect yr healing.
Its obvious u r being v hard on yrself. U need to be celebrating yr successes more & focussing less on the negatives.
The fear that u will not get better is v strong & needs addressing. U r catastrophising too much.

A good therapist can really help.

All the best

Mala