Do people need to change their personality to overcome TMS

Forest

Forest

Beloved Grand Eagle
The following thread originated in the old wetpaint forum, but there have been several interesting new points that I wanted to respond to here.

In one of the wetpaint thread, Jesse Wrote
Thinking about needing to change myself makes me tense. In a way, accepting the way you are and being ok with it just might be the first step in true transformation. I think this personality (ego) with all its faults and shortcomings is o far removed from who we really are. Accepting this as a possibility and accepting the personality just as it is brings relief on a lot of levels. I love Dr. Sarno's creed. Knowledge is the penicillin for this syndrome." Another way to say it is to say just shining the light of consciousness on the dark shadows of the subconscious is very healing. Striving for transformation just reinforces the perfectionist tendencies.
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I think such a large part of recovering is accepting who we are and that we have these strong feelings. The line, "accepting the way you are and being ok with it just might be the first step in true transformation," in my opinion is the heart of recovering. It is simply admitting that we have these strong emotions and that we are not terrible people for being frustrated, angry and upset.

I've been thinking a lot about why some people have so called book recoveries or why some people recover really fast, and I wonder if this doesn't have something to do with it. Do people who recover quickly, simply accept who they have strong emotions faster? Perhaps this is why Sarno says that Knowledge (and not transformation) is the penicillin for this syndrome. Having knowledge about the true cause of our symptoms, and knowing/recognizing the underlying emotions is the true path to recovery.
 
To me, this all depends on how you define personality. If you define it by "how you respond to life" then, yes, you can change that. But if you define it by "who you are" then you can't change all of that. You are you, that's what's so cool.

The word 'persona' comes from "mask" which is of course a false-self, hiding the inner self from the outer world. When we cease to try to hide most of the self behind a false front, then we begin to grow and heal. This is also possible, so in that sense you can change yourself, and much of your persona. But as you see from most of the great philosophers, this is the most difficult thing you can do. The shadow is hidden for a reason. As we grow, Mind, pulls nearer and conflict fades. Until thine eye becomes one...

Good question somebody.

Steve
 
I think most people like themselves. They just get a little hard on themselves sometimes.
We don't need to change. Maybe we just have to not let the bad little things about ourselves get too big
and let the good things we like ourselves get bigger.

I just think we should believe we're people worth liking. My dog likes me. In my house, that's all that matters.
 
To quote Steve himself on page 231 of Chapter 18 in his The Great Pain Deception TMS healing autobiography:

As Dr. Sarno has shown, you do not need to change your personality to heal. The understanding of the TMS process and full belief are all that are normally needed to heal, but not always. Sometimes your life needs to be dissected and specific memories discharged to heal.
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This seems to be the great divide in the TMS healing process: Some people heal when they understand and fully believe in TMS and others require going deeper to discharge traumatic memories still locked deep in their consciousness. So sometimes TMS healing is simple and straightforward and sometimes it requires more in depth psychotherapeutic strategies.
 
I think such a large part of recovering is accepting who we are and that we have these strong feelings. The line, "accepting the way you are and being ok with it just might be the first step in true transformation," in my opinion is the heart of recovering. It is simply admitting that we have these strong emotions and that we are not terrible people for being frustrated, angry and upset.
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That is just ... beautiful.

with grace and much gratitude,
^_^
 
Steve Ozanich said:
To me, this all depends on how you define personality. If you define it by "how you respond to life" then, yes, you can change that. But if you define it by "who you are" then you can't change all of that. You are you, that's what's so cool.

Good question somebody.

Steve
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Thats a great answer Steve. To the point, so we can change our re-actions to lifes stressors and also act in a more joyful light. Thats the answer I know and we can still be who we are- who else could we be right without throwing more hurt into the shadow - Thanks Steve Ozanach

Steve Ozanich said:
The word 'persona' comes from "mask" which is of course a false-self, hiding the inner self from the outer world. When we cease to try to hide most of the self behind a false front, then we begin to grow and heal. This is also possible, so in that sense you can change yourself, and much of your persona. But as you see from most of the great philosophers, this is the most difficult thing you can do. The shadow is hidden for a reason. As we grow, Mind, pulls nearer and conflict fades. Until thine eye becomes one...
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This is a Volume, Yet Simple. So we have this inner self that wants to do things , have fun and enjoy all the life we can right. But what we do in our culture over and over again is we hide this part of who we are- it might be the person that wants to go for that big job interview but we never do cause we snuff this thought into our shadow and the inner self that wants to shine through is once again neglected and we get pain or anxiety - right.

This is so cool Steve, Thanks for your lesson
 
walt glenview said:
I think most people like themselves. They just get a little hard on themselves sometimes.
We don't need to change. Maybe we just have to not let the bad little things about ourselves get too big
and let the good things we like ourselves get bigger.

I just think we should believe we're people worth liking. My dog likes me. In my house, that's all that matters.
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I love this reply Walt. A great word of truth. Thank You buddy
 
BruceMC said:
To quote Steve himself on page 231 of Chapter 18 in his The Great Pain Deception TMS healing autobiography:



This seems to be the great divide in the TMS healing process: Some people heal when they understand and fully believe in TMS and others require going deeper to discharge traumatic memories still locked deep in their consciousness. So sometimes TMS healing is simple and straightforward and sometimes it requires more in depth psychotherapeutic strategies.
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I love this BruceMC, Very insightful. Its actually a question i was going to ask you to elaborate on the show tommorrow night.
Thanks man
 
I constantly have the impression that others are trying to change me. And part of me wants to change myself. I am a person with a decidedly negative bent. A lot of people have told me that my focus on negative stuff is at the basis of my issues. For example, my hobby after I retired is Finance. I realized back in 2003 when I was investigating why I lost a lot of money in the stock market, that the financial system in the US and most of the developed world was basically a disaster in the making. I believe that in this case, the conspiracy theorists are proven correct more and more of the time. They were certainly correct in 2008 and I believe they will be correct again. I predicted the financial repression that we have today. It just seems to be that there really is a lot of negativity and evil in the world. Just because I see it clearly and it bothers me, does it mean that I must ignore it to be healthy? Am I too sensitive? I do tend to be somewhat clairvoyant.

Don't get me wrong, I do have a lot of joy in life, but I would be not happy if I was not able to pay attention to all the stuff that is wrong in the world.
 
I wouldn't get too hung up, Chickenbone, on paranoid rumors of Illuminati and chants about "Beware the House of Rothschild!". The current state of the world's economic mess goes back to real flesh and blood people at the University of Chicago School of Economics and the adoption of their three-point Neo-liberal program of deregulation, privatization, and cuts in education and social spending. It's all spelled out in Milton Friedman's Capitalism and Freedom (1962). In the Shock Doctrine (2007) Naomi Klein chronicles how this program was sold to various power elites, first in the South America and the Third World, and then back home here in the US. Trouble is that there's huge money to be made whenever there's a crisis, a crisis that's often been induced on purpose to hugely benefit the few. Now, fixing this mess is another thing; it's just too dang short-term profitable to go on from bubble to bubble, boom to bust. I read this morning in the NYT about a potential big bubble developing in the housing market in Brazil where lately a rising middle class has come into existence. If you've got any quick fixes, chickenbone, please call up the President's Council of Economic Advisors and have a little chat!

Of course, I realize this is way off topic from TMS, but then it really isn't either. The stress of capital is one of the driving day-to-day forces that directly impacts people's levels of anxiety, fear about the future. A lot easier no doubt to catastrophize whenever there is a sense of economic doom and gloom, especially if you have what you called essentially "negative" traits.
 
Chickenbone, I am also one of those "negative" people who notice what's wrong in everything. This is me. I read somewhere that children are born with a more or less postive or negative bent and remain the same throughout life. That's what I've observed, also.

Thinking about how that fits in with parts theory, I find that my true Self (with its curiosity and compassion) can handle the evil in the world. I know it is human nature and we will either evolve past it or we won't. Parts, on the other hand, freak out and want immediate change or immediate gratification or whatever. No patience and certainly no curiosity or compassion! If true Self is not in charge, parts take over and the crazy stuff (aka evil) begins.

I think this is true for me and for the rest of the world, too. Dr. Phil often challenges people to be the hero in their own families. Similarly, I think we have to be the leaders in our own lives. Not following whims. Not willing to harm others to get what we want.

As to the financial crisis, I am SO not putting money in the stock market, lol. I'd feel better about buying a lottery ticket and I've never done that, not once. To me, positive thinking causes every bit of much trouble in the world as does negative thinking. As far as I can see, the world is wet with tears and headed to disaster, then (with a bit of luck) past disaster to a new way of thinking. If we don't see the trouble there is no possibility of seeing a direction out.
 
BruceMC said:
The current state of the world's economic mess goes back to real flesh and blood people at the University of Chicago School of Economics and the adoption of their three-point Neo-liberal program of deregulation, privatization, and cuts in education and social spending.
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Villagers! Grab your pitchforks. We've got a job to do!
 
I read somewhere (sorry, can't remember exactly where--perhaps the Social Animal by David Brookes?) that scanning of one's surroundings to determine what is "wrong" is actually a long ago survival skill from when our ability to do this determined whether or not we lived or died. So I look at my tendency to focus on the negative as a hold over from this instinct, and part of my hypervigilant nature. To counter it I keep a daily positive journal, where I jot down a few good things that I've noticed throughout the day. According to research from the field of Positive Psychology this helps to develop our ability to scan the environment for what is positive. I thinks it's helping me to become more positive in my day to day outlook.
 
Ellen said:
I read somewhere (sorry, can't remember exactly where--perhaps the Social Animal by David Brookes?) that scanning of one's surroundings to determine what is "wrong" is actually a long ago survival skill from when our ability to do this determined whether or not we lived or died. So I look at my tendency to focus on the negative as a hold over from this instinct, and part of my hypervigilant nature. To counter it I keep a daily positive journal, where I jot down a few good things that I've noticed throughout the day. According to research from the field of Positive Psychology this helps to develop our ability to scan the environment for what is positive. I thinks it's helping me to become more positive in my day to day outlook.
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One of my classes this semester is Positive Psychology. In fact, my last exam is this afternoon. It has been enlightening on so many levels. Most of what Psychology has focused on from its inception is what is wrong with people that needs to be fixed. Positive Psychology is NOT about positive thinking at all. It is about finding out what our character strengths are and building on them to become happier and achieve well-being. There is is free questionnaire that helps you to discover what your strengths are, if anyone is interested. The website is viame.org and only takes about 20 minutes to do.

I, too, have been doing the "Good Things (or What Went Well) Journal" for the past few months. It really does help you to see that in spite of all that we think is "wrong" in our lives and needs fixing, there are a lot of good things kicking around as well! The more you train yourself to look for them, the more readily they will pop out at you.
 
Honeybear, that course in Positive Psychology sounds great. It sounds like it's
right in line with Steve Ozanich's thinking, about liking ourselves and focusing on
our good character traits. Who says we have any bad ones, anyway? If we're telling
ourselves that, we shouldn't listen.

My best friend and his wife gave me a pewter mug for my 40th birthday, engraved
"May your cup runneth over."

It has and it keeps running over, like the Sorcerer's Apprentice's pails of water in "Fantasia."

Its been running over even more since meeting all you good people on TMSWiki.
 
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