Day 8 Do it for her

[harperpitt]

I am noticing and experiencing so many emotions. If these are what cause me pain, it’s no surprise -- there’s a deeply hurt and sad and scared person inside me who isn’t great at caring for herself and isn’t great at asking others for help.

I’m really excited for the somatic tracking, because I think that will be the connection for me -- being able to connect the two different pains, the emotional and the physical.

It makes me sad that there’s been so much of this going on for so long without me knowing. And it’s no wonder I’ve gotten sick.

You can think you really know yourself, but you’re always just scratching with a fingernail. There is so much in me to explore and to heal and to be brave about. I want to do that for me.

I put this image in my journal. It's from an old episode of The Simpsons. What I like about it is that Maggie didn't have to do anything to earn love or care or support. She's just a baby. The mere fact of her existence meant she deserved compassion and mercy and someone trying hard for her. I feel like Homer working, but I also feel like Maggie receiving.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I appreciate your post very much harperpitt.

I love the contemplation that I might be loved, lovable, perhaps love itself, without cause, reason, or -------?

I also want to acknowledge your work.

It makes me sad that there’s been so much of this going on for so long without me knowing. And it’s no wonder I’ve gotten sick.

You can think you really know yourself, but you’re always just scratching with a fingernail. There is so much in me to explore and to heal and to be brave about. I want to do that for me.

This is very tender, very attuned, this learning. I see it is going very deep.

andy

 

[harperpitt]

Thank you, @Andy Bayliss. I felt tender while I was writing it. It's hard to hold onto that feeling -- but I think it must be something you can learn with practice. I bought a workbook from Kristin Neff about self-compassion, and I think that's something I need to really work on. It was a real lightbulb moment for me when I learned that self-compassion isn't the same thing as self-esteem or even self-care.