Hey everbody, feeling kinda hopeless so im just getting my thoughts off. Im 24 years old, male and im a student. My main problem is my lower back pain. It started like 4 years ago but didnt bother me back then as it was just a very slight pain. It got worse over the time. 1 year ago i got an mrt which shows 2 herinated discs on the right side and 2 bilateral spondlyathrosis. My last 2 years were all about my back pain. I only focused on my back. The pain level changes, most of the time its a sharp pain on the right side of the lower back/buttock when bending forward / lifting the right leg when lying on the ground. But sometimes the pain is less when bending forward/lifting the legg. When i sit i get a very stiff back / cramping which makes it very difficult to sit in a car for example. I feel different chairs / defferent ways of sitting results in different pain levels. When i lay in the bed my back feels way better. I did physio for the back problems and at the beginning it helped but after doing the exercises by myself i felt back to the pain levels ... Maybe it was all placebo as i trusted into the PT and was convinced it would help me.. Then i also started getting problems with my feet and hands/arms/shoulder/beck. mostly tingling in my finers /arm when bending my elbow, or hand under the pillow when trying to sleep. My feet get numb sometimes just from sitting or sitting on the toilet but also when placing one feet over the other leg when sitting. i also had a tinnitus 2 years ago and whenever think about the tinnitus is can feel how the neck on that side starts to tense up. 2 months ago my girlfriend left me and the first 2 weeks were fine but now i fell into a depression. I wouldnt say its because she left me but more because of my pain and physical problems. My whole life is about my pain. I tried osteopaths and PT. But as i said it did not really help. 2 weeks ago i started getting into TMS. I bought the book "healing back pain" by sarno. There are a lot of things where i see myself. Especially as the pain is always different (almost from hour to hour). When i think about my neck it becomes stiffer and stiffer. Also problems got kinda worse after my GF left me. I want to accept the TMS diagnosis but its so hard. Im a very emotional guy, think there is a lot of stuff that makes me angry. I could never trust my girlfriend, which was also the biggest problem in our relationship. I regret not trusting her 100 percent but i also had my reasons. I cried a lot when i was a child. About dumb stuff but for some reason it made me emotional/sad. I think i have a lot of selfworth problems (especially because i was not a "cool" kid in school and never got really recoginized when i was younger by people my age) .and i always compare myself to others. I worked on that a lot in recent years and i think my selfworth is a lot higher than it was. I got less anxious in social settings for example. Started working out 4 years ago, started taking care more about my apperance and being more confident which translated into getting more friends / really deep friendships. I also found my ex girlfriend and realized a lot of girls look at me / find me attractive. So i think i have self worth problems but i also think it got better. But still had a lot of thoughts in the relationshop like not being enough.. Fighting TMS seems so hard. What do i have to do? Is it my selfworth? Is i really not structural? Is it a certain emotion? Is it because i focus on my pain so much? I try going to the gym now and just do all the stuff i did before back pain was a problem (deadlifting, squatting and so on). But how exactly do i journal? How do i know which emotion / which event triggers it? I want to do the SEP program and i also started the book the Great Pain Deception. Do i have to do mediation or not and how exactly? Its so hard do know what to do and i feel really helpless at the moment. Why do my fingers/hands start to tingle / go numb when i do certain movements (bending my elbow). Why does my right shoulder hurt when doing overhead tricep extensions (this shoulder is more unflexible when i test for behind back mobility, reaching one arm with the other behind the back)? Is it all conditioned? Do i really have TMS? What about my anterior pelvic tilt? I have slight uneven hips and mild scoliosis? I know Sarno says these things dont cause pain. There were already days were i believed that for 100 percent. But what mainly stops me from accepting it 100 percent is that certain movements / positions cause tinging, numbness and pain in the shoulder. beding forward hurts in my lower back / buttocks especially when i push my hip forward at while bending (rounding the lower back) I have a appointment at a neurologist in 1 month for the tingling/numbness stuff. Also in 2 days im doing a bloodwork just to check stuff. I went vegan 4 months ago but supplement b12... Also im very open about psychotherapy but getting an appointment in germany is not as easy because the demand is so high. I also think about taking antidepressants as im really depressed for the first time in my life and had very negative thoughts the last 4/5 weeks. I even thought about going into a clininc to get help. But i also know the thing that makes me depressed is the pain and not the fact that my girlfriend left me / or other stuff. Ofc it makes me sad but i know that i can be happy by myself but with the chronic pain and all the symptoms its really hard to find the track back to happiness. I try doing stuff with friends / family but i just cannot relax at all and instead focus on pain / unhappiness / symptoms.. I hope some people have some thoughts about this. I know these are a lot of questions. English is also not my first language so i hope everything is understandable.