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Do i have TMS?

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by zzeet, Aug 17, 2020.

  1. zzeet

    zzeet Newcomer

    Hey everbody, feeling kinda hopeless so im just getting my thoughts off. Im 24 years old, male and im a student.

    My main problem is my lower back pain. It started like 4 years ago but didnt bother me back then as it was just a very slight pain. It got worse over the time. 1 year ago i got an mrt which shows 2 herinated discs on the right side and 2 bilateral spondlyathrosis. My last 2 years were all about my back pain. I only focused on my back. The pain level changes, most of the time its a sharp pain on the right side of the lower back/buttock when bending forward / lifting the right leg when lying on the ground. But sometimes the pain is less when bending forward/lifting the legg. When i sit i get a very stiff back / cramping which makes it very difficult to sit in a car for example. I feel different chairs / defferent ways of sitting results in different pain levels. When i lay in the bed my back feels way better. I did physio for the back problems and at the beginning it helped but after doing the exercises by myself i felt back to the pain levels ... Maybe it was all placebo as i trusted into the PT and was convinced it would help me..

    Then i also started getting problems with my feet and hands/arms/shoulder/beck. mostly tingling in my finers /arm when bending my elbow, or hand under the pillow when trying to sleep. My feet get numb sometimes just from sitting or sitting on the toilet but also when placing one feet over the other leg when sitting. i also had a tinnitus 2 years ago and whenever think about the tinnitus is can feel how the neck on that side starts to tense up.

    2 months ago my girlfriend left me and the first 2 weeks were fine but now i fell into a depression. I wouldnt say its because she left me but more because of my pain and physical problems. My whole life is about my pain. I tried osteopaths and PT. But as i said it did not really help.

    2 weeks ago i started getting into TMS. I bought the book "healing back pain" by sarno. There are a lot of things where i see myself. Especially as the pain is always different (almost from hour to hour). When i think about my neck it becomes stiffer and stiffer. Also problems got kinda worse after my GF left me. I want to accept the TMS diagnosis but its so hard. Im a very emotional guy, think there is a lot of stuff that makes me angry. I could never trust my girlfriend, which was also the biggest problem in our relationship. I regret not trusting her 100 percent but i also had my reasons. I cried a lot when i was a child. About dumb stuff but for some reason it made me emotional/sad. I think i have a lot of selfworth problems (especially because i was not a "cool" kid in school and never got really recoginized when i was younger by people my age) .and i always compare myself to others. I worked on that a lot in recent years and i think my selfworth is a lot higher than it was. I got less anxious in social settings for example. Started working out 4 years ago, started taking care more about my apperance and being more confident which translated into getting more friends / really deep friendships. I also found my ex girlfriend and realized a lot of girls look at me / find me attractive. So i think i have self worth problems but i also think it got better. But still had a lot of thoughts in the relationshop like not being enough..

    Fighting TMS seems so hard. What do i have to do? Is it my selfworth? Is i really not structural? Is it a certain emotion? Is it because i focus on my pain so much? I try going to the gym now and just do all the stuff i did before back pain was a problem (deadlifting, squatting and so on). But how exactly do i journal? How do i know which emotion / which event triggers it? I want to do the SEP program and i also started the book the Great Pain Deception. Do i have to do mediation or not and how exactly? Its so hard do know what to do and i feel really helpless at the moment.

    Why do my fingers/hands start to tingle / go numb when i do certain movements (bending my elbow). Why does my right shoulder hurt when doing overhead tricep extensions (this shoulder is more unflexible when i test for behind back mobility, reaching one arm with the other behind the back)? Is it all conditioned? Do i really have TMS? What about my anterior pelvic tilt? I have slight uneven hips and mild scoliosis? I know Sarno says these things dont cause pain. There were already days were i believed that for 100 percent. But what mainly stops me from accepting it 100 percent is that certain movements / positions cause tinging, numbness and pain in the shoulder. beding forward hurts in my lower back / buttocks especially when i push my hip forward at while bending (rounding the lower back)

    I have a appointment at a neurologist in 1 month for the tingling/numbness stuff. Also in 2 days im doing a bloodwork just to check stuff. I went vegan 4 months ago but supplement b12...

    Also im very open about psychotherapy but getting an appointment in germany is not as easy because the demand is so high. I also think about taking antidepressants as im really depressed for the first time in my life and had very negative thoughts the last 4/5 weeks. I even thought about going into a clininc to get help. But i also know the thing that makes me depressed is the pain and not the fact that my girlfriend left me / or other stuff. Ofc it makes me sad but i know that i can be happy by myself but with the chronic pain and all the symptoms its really hard to find the track back to happiness. I try doing stuff with friends / family but i just cannot relax at all and instead focus on pain / unhappiness / symptoms..

    I hope some people have some thoughts about this. I know these are a lot of questions. English is also not my first language so i hope everything is understandable.
     
  2. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yep. That's TMS
    Conditioning. Period.
    I got hips like a German Shepherd that needs to be put down and I am NOT in pain anymore.
    You gotta do what you gotta do, but as long as you continue to treat this as physical, the symptoms will hold on.

    I read The book you now have, over and over until I understood it as well as one of his students. I began to do the things implied and outlined in the book and I got better in three weeks. To Be honest, I DID schedule an appointment with the only Doctor in California who treated TMS back in 1999 BUT I was well Long before the appointment (I forgot I made it) and canceled it. That is how efficacious the Sarno stuff is.

    Your'e Not only sad that your GF left you...you are also ANGRY. in a RAGE but you have trained yourself to only feel that as sorrow. I was that way too... Nowadays I no longer confuse that stuff but it took Years of doing this work.

    The good news is , you don't really have to read all of those other books and 'journal' and stuff. They help some people, but the most important part of TMS recovery (I have been cured 21 years) has been;

    #1. Absolute and clear understanding of the problem. Keep reading Sarno. Use a Hi-liter pen and underline anything you identify with.
    You are going to re-educate yourself about your own physiology and pscyhology.
    #2 You have to absolutely, 100% refute all other reasons for your pain, e.g. Newfangled stupid structural diagnosis.... and cures. You do NOT have to meditate. I have been pain free all of this time and I can't sit still for more than 30 seconds. You do not have to 'journal' though I have made detailed lists and gone through the aspects of my life and searched out hidden anger makers.
    #3 You have to return to activity. Even the most vigorous. You have to undo all of that conditioning and be fully back to the way you were before the pain came....football, wrestling, golf, basketball...all of it.

    Re-educate yourself, Refute the diagnosis, Return to activity.... the big three 'R's!

    The SEP is a good idea just because it turns a personal experience into easy questions to ask ourself, BUT TBH I have never done it...just browsed it. I asked myself all those questions and did all of that work just with the prodding of the text from "Healing Back Pain"

    In fact, asking yourself questions is probably the most important therapeutic thing.... WHY do I feel like a piece of shit? What situations do I get into that provoke anger of which I AM UNAWARE? If the Unconscious is a shit catcher the way Sarno describes, what might be down there in mine?

    You seem pretty honest about stuff. That Honesty is what will save your ass... not reading every TMS book on the planet or doing every single exercise. There are lots of warm fuzzy Bunny people who will tell you to 'soothe' yourself and such. Maybe that works. I wouldn't know.. I hit this stuff like it was a war and I won it in three weeks. TMS Blitzkrieg.

    Shout at me if you have any questions. I am not a TMS coach and I don't do this for a living... I build stuff and am a constuction worker but I always have time for a brother in pain.

    peace
     
  3. zzeet

    zzeet Newcomer

    Hey Baseball65,

    thanks for your response already. I just feel super overwhelmed right now and dont know where to go. Ive had a lot of suicidal thoughts the last few weeks and also today. Thats why i called my ex gf and she later brings me to my mother. I know i should cancel all contact but it just felt right.
    My plan is now to go home and journal later on. Im also going to read the Great Pain Deception today. Should i go in a clinic when i have suicidal thoughts? I dont know if they can help me tbh? Im willing to talk to someone but i dont want to go into a clinic as it would mean more restrictions (not going to the gym, meeting friends whenever i want). So the alternative would to wait a few weeks and make sure not to kill myself by that time and find psychotherapy as soon as possible. I will do the bloodwork and probably go the Neurologist.
    My pain is not logical a lot of time. So i know TMS could be the problem. It just feels so structural when my feet / hands start to tingle/ go numb. For example when my elbow is on the table i can feel for my finger become numb. or when i lay on the bed and hold the phone over my head with bend elbow. After a short time my fingers/hand/ then start to tingle..
    Should i just keep the position then where my fingers go numb and ignore it? At the moment i change positions of my hands/legs to stop the sensations.. Does the pain come from like carpital tunnel syndome due to TMS? For example sitting on the toilet makes my feet go numb, which i explain by sitting on a hard surface which compresses the nerve..

    I have the fear that i will not find my solution/my way out. I want to give this thing all i have but that means i have to be 100 % sure its tms right? it feels like i have to find one certain emotion / on trauma / one special thing. I feels like beating this is almost impossible... I just want to live my life again. At the moment i just suffer. I want to be happy again and not be in pain.

    So my plan:
    1)Keep reading TMS stuff and try to believe it 100 percent.
    2)keep doing physical activity and do stuff that i want to do.. Acutally i would have 2 dates this week but i feel so fucking depressed that i dont even know if i want to meet any girls atm...
    3)trying to be outcome independent which seems impossible for me atm (im focusing 24/7 on pain)
    4)do the SEP? jorunaling?
    5)any other sugggestions?
     
  4. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    You better do something ASAP. In person. Call and get help. Your pain problem is obviously not going to be dealt with in that state of mind. In fact, with all of the physical solutions your still lost in, you might want to just hang up Sarno and such for awhile.
    Get help right away for your suicidal thoughts.

    peace
     
  5. Tim S. Serenity

    Tim S. Serenity New Member

    Zzeet,

    yes, get emergency help for any thoughts of suicide. Call1-800-273-8255. Now!

    Hey, you have arrived at your solution! Man, I am new to this stuff too, so I don’t have any hard advice on steps to take except to get immediate help for your thoughts.

    . It sounds like you are on the right path, but you need the reassurance that you have this syndrome. So it seems like we both need to use this forum to pick a provider that will make that diagnosis or rule it out, then we can use the wealth of information, support and help that is tmswiki, which I just discoverEd this very hour. How exciting! Go to it, man! A journey of self discovery awaits!

    From what I have gathered from other sources related to Dr. Sarno’s life of work on this subject is that attitude and can do spirit is a big part of this. So if we are mired in worry and doubt, it is time to take some action or even just a walk to give us something positive to do and solve that oxygen depravation.

    I wish you well in your journey, young man. I am thirty years older and would love to have discovered this at your age! I would have saved myself a quarter century of being victimized by pain and worry. Oh well, better later than never!
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2020

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