What I've been learning the past several days is that I'm not afraid of revisiting the traumatic events of my past, and actually I can remember all of them with precise detail. I don't think there are any memories that have been repressed. I was never sexually abused or anything like that. From my journaling I'm discovering that the root of my issues come from how I was pushed so hard to excel in sports from my father. Although I was an exceptional athlete, I always played with fear and no confidence because I knew that if I had a bad game I was probably going to get my ass kicked when I got back home. This made me a nervous wreck as a kid, and even resulted in my childhood TMS symptoms (stomach pains, feeling like I couldn't breath, feeling like something was constantly lodged in my throat). Even with the physical abuse I know my dad loved me, and we still have a relationship today, but damn did that guy screw me up. I live halfway around the world but I still always feel something in my core telling me I'm not good enough. This may be why my back pain often feels like someone is sitting on my shoulders. It's like my dad is literally on my back! Mind blowing to me... As for my physical progress, I'm having the hardest time with the fear of bending over. I am moving around faster, but I'm struggling to find the courage to bend over to tie my shoe. I feel like a spasm would be devastating for my morale at this time and so I'm trying to be more active but there is still fear holding me back that I need to push through.