Discouraged

I'm on day 12 of the structured learning program and I've known about TMS for a year. I've had lots of great gains over the year with several times where I was pain free. Since November, I've had flare ups and relapses and that's why I started the structured learning program to cure it once and for all. I'm having lots of fear right now because I'm having some "twinges" of pain again. It's not that bad at all, but the fear is making it worse and I can't seem to get over the fear. Two weeks ago we visited my in-laws and I had the worst pain I've had in a year there, but it went away in 2 days. I think I'm fearful because we are traveling for the Christmas season to other family member's houses and my sister is due with her first baby while we're there, which I anticipate might be a little stressful. Any advice to eradicate the fear and/or help not get pain while in stressful situations?

 

I know the feeling all to well. Sometimes when we have flare ups just try accept them and relax. The more pressure you put on yourself to find answers and get discouraged will only fuel the tms. Life will never give you more than you can handle. You need to try and believe deeply that you are ok.

Its seems you are already putting so much pressure on your self for traveling for holidays and your sister is due with baby. Try to be in the present moment and let life unfold. You are living in the future and then playing the what if game, of will I be in pain then. If you have not read hope and help for your nerves I reccomended you do. She teaches you acceptance of the fear and it's all false thoughts that bring the fear. As many people who have recovered from tms say you have to alter your relationship with fear. As long as you fear the current symptoms or new ones, they will persists. You can empower yourself over the fear, each time the fear comes it's a chance to alter your relationship with it and change your brain pathways. (Words from the great Alan gordan).

Wishing you the best of luck and hope you find relief soon. Just try not to focus on the symptoms. Faith and perserverance go a long way in the tms process. Never give up and you will eventually heal when you are ready. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

Hi, CoGirl. Tis the season to be stressed so no wonder you have some pain and are fearful it may not go away.
We're told to live in the present, but with you going visiting over the holiday and your sister expecting a baby,
maybe you should try living in the quiet time when you will be home again, after all the holiday stuff.

Meanwhile, practice deep breathing and affirmations like "I am going to enjoy the holiday." "I can do this,
it's a piece of cake." "This, too shall pass."

Hope you do have a jolly holiday.

 

Right now guilt has settled in my lower back. I almost could not get out of bed this morning. I feel like I have disappointed my parents. I feel like others are disappointed in me. I am not being the perfect wife. I am being pulled in so many directions to make others happy.

Forget about making me happy. I am Journaling about my anger and fear. I am sick and tired of obligations, expectations and guilt.

The back pain is easing. It will all soon be over... yeah.

 

Hi, Stella. You're being so hard on yourself. You're entitled to feel anger and fear. Journaling about it will help.
I too am a goodist and tired of obligations and expectations from others, and the guilt has given me over the years.

I'm 84 now and, pardon my French, but I'm finally putting myself first. I'm tired of family and friends wanting me
to drive to their homes to see them. They NEVER visit me. So I can do without them. I have my darling dog
and a few friends in other states and we visit by phone and email.

Be kind to yourself, accept yourself, and the pain will go.

I also like tapping and there is a video on it that I really like.

It is free on YouTube: "Louise Hay Sits Down with The Tapping Solutions' Ni8ck Ortner."
If "the queen of affirmations" finds that tapping helps her, I've been giving it a try each night and it helps.

Happy holidays!

 

Thanks for the replies everyone! I have been on a rollercoaster for the past 10 days. My pain was bad when my sister was in labor that day, but then subsided a few days later and then came a little again and went away. I now have the flu and am feeling guilty about not being able to do all the things with my family I was "supposed" to do this weekend. My husband is not the most sympathetic person ever and I'm finding myself on that verge of getting the pain again. I was pain free for several months over the spring, summer and fall and since November, things have been very up and down again. I really want this all to go away. Do you guys think it's possible to actually heal completely from TMS and not have recurring pain all the time?

 

Some say guilt is a more powerful pain inducing emotion than anger. I would agree. I would journal about being so angry at your husband. HaS he always being critical of you? Does he always roll his eyes when you can't participate in an activity?

 

Stella - I did journal about it. I also realized that due to my goodist personality, I get really upset when he isn't sympathetic to me at all. I feel like I've let him down and he's mad at me. He assures me he's not though. I definitely notice my pain a lot more when we aren't getting along as well as normal. I would agree that guilt is a powerful pain inducing emotion. I think it has to do with the goodist or perfectionist qualities in us.

 

I am mortified when my husband is upset with me.i get so angry at myself for being so weak and such a wimp. It makes me so angry to be so dependent on another for my happiness.

 

Co, I am confused about what you have written. He is not sympathetic. What is he... cold and aloof? He says he is not mad... sounds mad to me. .. Does his own guilt not allow him to acknowledge his anger? Relationships can be confusing.

 

You will heal if you give yourself some patience. You are putting pressure on yourself to heal which is a big component of tms beasts. You are going to be ok, life will not give you more than you can handle.

As the great doctor said if one is preoccupied with the body and symptoms they will persists. This is intertwined with fear as well. You feel as if you will not get better, how sneaky fear is. Until you alter your relationship with fear and empower yourself the symptoms will be there. Tms is there to distract you from underlying emotions. Take away the fear and tms loses its power over you. I have been where you are but it takes time and perserverance.

Go live life and be present. Find your purpose here we all have one. Faith and perserverance go a long way. Let life unfold and accept where you are. Once you stop trying so hard to heal you will make tremendous progress. Many ask if they will be pain free which I don't agree with. Life is filled with ups and downs. It part of the evolution of life. Pain and suffering make us grow as people. I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for tms. Im getting to a point where I have gratitude for having tms. Tmsers are special people. As Sarno said people with tms are very nice people, almost to good. Wishing you best of luck. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

Thank you Ryan! Your messages help me so much and speak straight to me. I know the fear is the problem. I know why the TMS is there and I have done a lot of work with the underlying emotions. You're so right when you say that the fear is there to distract me and that's why the symptoms show up sometimes. I feel like I'm in a constant fight against my body with TMS. "Don't break down and be scared of this pain." Have you been pain free for a while? How long did it take you to get rid of the fear component?

 

Hi, COgirl.
Ryan and Stella are so right. The less we even think about our pain, the better. Otherwise, the subconscious keeps the pain coming, to get us to work on our TMS causes... repressed emotions, perfectionism, goodism.

I got free of severe back pain by journaling about those issues. But it does come back now and then, when I am anxious or stressed about something.
That can be from a new bill in the mail or my toilet backing up (this morning). Great way to start a new year! But I read online that a 42-year-old tv sports announcer just died of cancer. I'm twice his age, so isn't that something for me to thank God for?

Look on the bright side. Count the many blessings you have. Don't let fear get to you. Laugh it away.

 

I just wish I wouldn't get pain immediately when something stressful happens. I know in my mind why it stresses me out and I'm not trying to repress anything. I think about it until I'm blue in the face and journal about it too. My mom is moving to town and her and my husband have minor disagreements all the time and her move in a month is already stressing me out the more we talk about it. I think this is another root of why my pain has been flaring up for the past couple months again. Any suggestions for this?

 

Hi COgirl,

I could have written exactly what you wrote above a couple of weeks ago. I finally figured out that the TMS relapse I was having was due to what you write in your last sentence quoted above "I think about it until I'm blue in the face....." I realized that it was the self-absorption that was creating my TMS. As soon as I figured this out and shifted my focus outside myself, my 10-day relapse of pain lifted. This self-absorption and focusing on ME and MY STORY and MY TMS creates so much tension and pain, while I am totally missing all of life outside myself.

Dr. Sarno suggested working no more than an hour a day on TMS-related work. Spend that time, then STOP.

So my advice is to shift your focus to: other people, nature, animals, music, an engrossing activity.......This really worked for me.

I wish you the best....

 

Thank you Ellen! I know you're right. I think about my TMS, back pain, stressful life situations WAY too many hours out of the day. I find myself completely engrossed in it right now. I'm mad at my husband and mother right now for having a disagreement because that caused me pain, which I know is so silly. So for you - you just stopped thinking about all your stuff and thought about the other stuff? Did you still work on your TMS stuff? I'm sorry to ask so many questions, but it sounds like you and I are very similar and I would love to get to the place where you are!

 

Yes I have been pain free but close to getting over this tms beasts equivalents. Getting over fear is different for everybody, hope and help for your nerves book helped me as well. It took me some time to get over fear, but I do still struggle at times I'm human. Fear is a great driving force in life and if used correctly can help us grow and expand our consciousness. Try looking at some of the fear threads in ask a tms therapists.

For me it comes through shedding light where there is darkness. Love overcomes fear, when you are connected to life and have love, the fear slowly decreases. I had to figured out why I feared, which was because of rejection and shame. My ego buried my deeper self from who I truly was. I put on a mask each day, to be someone I truly wasnt. This change doesn't by any means happen overnight.

Ellen great statement above, says a lot. When you take away your focus on yourself and find your purpose here, the pain fades. We are so concerned with ourselves and always correcting and fixing things. Us tmsers live so much in our head we create ourselves more trouble and dont go enjoy the life we have. We are so hard on ourselves and don't give enough compassion and forgiveness for ourselves and others.

What you are currently getting in life and what you want is where the tension is. Your deeper self is speaking to you and once you know the truth you will be set free. Keep at it and you will heal. Be patient with yourself and don't put a time of when you should heal. I have faith in you, keep looking and doors will open.

Ryan

 

Yes, when I become aware that I'm preoccupied with myself, I shift my attention to something or someone else. Self-absorption is like a bad habit for me--like biting my fingernails. You need to replace it with something else. But don't beat yourself up about it when you catch yourself being self-absorbed. Just shift your focus.

Hope this helps.

 

What a great thread line here! I, too have been where you are COgirl105. You're right smack DAB in the middle of your healing process. Keep believing that you're getting better. Think about how much more aware you are than when you started this process. I laughed to myself last night when I was cooking and realized that I had been on my feet for a couple of hours, cooking up this great stew and I didn't have pain! Last year this time, I could cook only smaller meals that didn't take the prep because the TMS would flare up. For a long time, I thought it was because I was resentful about cooking - or even recently - when I went camping - I had a TMS flare up and I blamed it on the fact that there were 5 dogs in our group, cold weather and no space for me. Sure, they were stressors. But the real recovery was realizing that my subconscious mind still believes it is supposed to throw me a TMS symptom to take care of things. I knew I was better because I didn't let the TMS stop me from doing anything I would normally do. I didn't ruminate that I had failed in my recovery (I had been pain free for 4 months) - I just went on with my life, knew that it would pass and sure enough it did. TMS doesn't scare me anymore - its like tripping while walking - I look for some balance and get on my way.
You're doing a great job COgirl105 - give yourself some pats on the back for your perseverance and doing the SEP. You are getting better and you will be free of pain for longer and longer periods of time.

 

Nowtimecoach, congrts on the camping trip and making a great stew.
I'm still shopping for groceries and cooking my own food, at 84. I love it.
I just got myself addicted to making shoestring French fried potatoes. Using Canola oil and not much salt.
Okay, it may not be that healthy, but I don't think it's bad enough to kill me.