I have a huge dilemma in my life and I believe it's keeping me from healing. As I posted on here just a few days ago, I have an emotional issue of abandonment from early childhood, when my parents sent us kids to foster care due to my mother's mental health. I was only a year and a half and was gone for 6 months. Years later, my grandmother committed suicide and my mother attemped a few times. I was also bullied in elementary and junior high and had many breakups before marrying my husband of 25 years - all forms of abadonment. In the last three years, all my kids left the nest and 18 months ago, I left the LDS church, while my husband and two of my kids are still in. When I left, my husband threatened to divorce me, because in that religion, if you get married in the temple, you vow to make covenants; and if you leave, you won't be able to be with your family for the eternities. (LDS belive in being sealed to your family here and in Heaven) When I left, I started in with bad muscle spasms in my ribs for 8 months, which then gravitated to having severe right shoulder pain, which went on for 6 months after. (This, after having had 18 years of chronic pain in several areas of my body, as TMS is bound to occur) After I had a good emotional breakthrough and started attacking TMS wholeheartedly, my pain went away. However, as TMS is famous for, it moved to my left shoulder, but with popping, creating excruciating pain at times, and limited motion, so much worse. That has been going on since Feb. I know this is TMS, so didn't get an mri, but this pain is relentless and very painful. Still, I manage to do dishes, laundry, shopping, treadmill, etc...just with my right arm, mainly. I have been going to therapy for two years now and just recently uncovered my biggest fear: abandonment. My dilemma now is that if I were to speak up and tell my husband and girls I want to resign from the church, I'm afraid of being abandoned. Not only that, but if I do, our sealing is cancelled, which would devastate my family. My subconcious knows this and therefore has kept me distracted from this huge elephant in the room. I believe this is why I'm not healing. I'm so torn and frightened on what to do. Even though I promised my husband I wouldn't resign, after telling me it would hurt him deeply, I feel like I can't fully move on if I don't. If I do, I'm afraid he would leave me. Since my kids "abandoned" me, I'm so afraid of being abandoned by him and will end up alone. This is why my brain won't let go of this pain. These feelings and emotions could destroy my family. Please, help me. I want to heal and have been ready, but my brain won't fully allow it.