Day 10 Developing my story

[ttdsprtra]

Things are good.

I feel a huge improvement in my fatigue symptoms. I was able to travel back home and see my family, a feat which felt terrifying just a few weeks ago. My musculoskeletal pain has also gotten slightly better, but it's still there and has started moving around. I feel that my attitude towards it has completely changed though, and I was able to go swimming twice (yay!) and stay calm when the pain flared up.

I feel confident in the diagnosis, and have found journaling to be extremely helpful. I've had multiple emotional breakthroughs while writing and have been able to cry or scream in rage. Journaling has also been a source of insight; for example, I've realized that a desire to prove myself to my parents is a big source of my perfectionism.

The new anxiety (mentioned in a previous post) is still here and it's tough to deal with at times. I think I was close to having a panic attack twice now. I do believe it's a sign the treatment is working, that it's my brain trying a different strategy now that I've rendered the pain ineffective. I'm learning to manage the anxiety better and I feel my relationship to it is improving.

A doubt I have: how do I know this improvement isn't part of the ups and downs I've experienced in the past?

A concern I have: I'm planning to gradually restart the bodyweight strength program I haven't been able to do in years. How will I be able to differentiate TMS pain from a genuine danger signal telling me I'm going too far with an exercise?

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi ttdsprtra,

I love reading your success so far, with fatigue, your attitude, etc!! It seems, importantly that you're less afraid. Even of the anxiety. Great.

A concern I have: I'm planning to gradually restart the bodyweight strength program I haven't been able to do in years. How will I be able to differentiate TMS pain from a genuine danger signal telling me I'm going too far with an exercise?

I would suggest first that you go slowly. Give the TMS tendency less excuse, fewer "believable reasons" to have symptoms. If you're progressing gradually then there is less reason in your own conscious mind also to worry about a little pain or ache. Keep your Evidence list going, and handy so you can read and contemplate when fears about symptoms might come up. If you really strain something, you can always ice it and rest, ---and importantly know that it will heal and not become chronic. Those are some suggestions.

A doubt I have: how do I know this improvement isn't part of the ups and downs I've experienced in the past?

Know that it isn't. It is something new, a breakthrough because you're educating yourself about TMS. If you have doubts, this is natural. Be kind to yourself, reassure yourself, perhaps use affirmations, recall all the good things you're experiencing in this work.

I feel a huge improvement in my fatigue symptoms. I was able to travel back home and see my family, a feat which felt terrifying just a few weeks ago.

Keep remembering this, and know that it is the real deal. It is happening partly because of your emotional work, your emotional breakthroughs. These sound new to me. You're on a new journey. Keep remembering these good things, and at the same time, be patient with your progress.

I hope these ideas help you.

Andy

 

[ttdsprtra]

Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement @Andy Bayliss. I especially like the idea of using the Evidence List as a tool to combat exercise pain.