Depression and Anxiety out of control - PLEASE HELP!

[Davideus85]

I have been battling really intense depression and anxiety for a while now, but the last few days it has completely gotten out of control. Yesterday I was overcome with such intense depression, that I could not get out at all during the day. All I could do is just sit around and think about my TMS and how it is never going away. During the evening, I decided to do some intensive journaling to get my feelings out, and I really hit something big because I was overcome with sadness and broke out crying....and the depression went completely away, just like that. Than 20 minutes later...I was hit with the worst anxiety I've ever experienced. I could not keep calm and had horrible racing thoughts. It turned into full blown panic attacks, I could not get to sleep all night. I couldn't stop thinking that I was going to be in this intense mental agony for the rest of my life and there wasn't a thing I could do about it, which just made me freak out even more. I was very very close to going to the ER. It seriously got so bad it got to the point where I just didn't want to be alive anymore. I tried over and over again to go over Alan Gordon's Pain Recovery program and apply the concepts to my symptoms, and read through Dr. Schubiner's Unlearn Your Anxiety and Depression, BUT NOTHING WORKED! What do I do here????

 

[MWsunin12]

I hope you're doing better today, David. You went through a bad night it seems.
Many of us have had dark, dark days and feelings.
Sometimes the best you can do is to distract yourself with whatever is around....at least to give your brain a chance to relax.
Often it's a matter of surrendering and not trying to figure ANY of it out.
Usually if I can watch a humorous movie...or a couple TV sitcoms in a row. Anything to lift out of the pattern of negative downward spiral.

I know this probably sounds trite, but sometimes it's letting the clock run past the worst of it and giving your mind a vacation from your own thinking.

 

[jimmylaw9]

The fear that it will be there forever is what’s keeping it there forever. I’ve just recently got comfortable with crying. Sit let it pass over your body will not like it. You might not even know what you are crying about just do it. Eventually you’ll exhaust yourself n feel calm.

I believe it’s my sadness coming out of me.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

@Davideus85, anxiety and depression were the two things that almost took me down back in 2011 - they are seriously disabling and frightening.

I know you've been around for a while, but did you ever read Hope and Help For Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes? This was the second book that saved me after The Divided Mind got me started on this work, and I can't recommend it highly enough for anxiety. Very calming, very compassionate, and really easy to absorb. Her "face, accept, float" technique is the best.

At the risk of saying this too often lately (but believe me, I'm also saying it to myself): this IS your brain on TMS.

Also, for what it's worth, I believe that this weird period of new uncertainty - between a shut down world that at least had become somewhat familiar, vs. a complete mishmash of information and expectations about what might be next - is once again really messing with our need for certainty, especially if you're not in line to be vaccinated. You might think about just sitting down and free-writing how you feel about that.

As @MWsunin12 and @jimmylaw9 essentially said, and as Claire Weekes says, be willing to let time pass, because this, too, will pass.

We're pulling for you.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Dear Davideus85,

You are expressing deeply troubling experiences. I am sorry, and hope some of the responses thus far are helpful.

During the evening, I decided to do some intensive journaling to get my feelings out, and I really hit something big because I was overcome with sadness and broke out crying....and the depression went completely away, just like that. Than 20 minutes later...I was hit with the worst anxiety I've ever experienced. I could not keep calm and had horrible racing thoughts. It turned into full blown panic attacks, I could not get to sleep all night.

What you describe above, is to me, indicative of profound inner work. I forget whether you have counseling support, but I hope so. In any case, observing from here, to me you're stirring some deep stuff, and doing a fair job of maintaining in the face of it. All normal responses to deep work, but very difficult for most to witness and tolerate...

Also, for what it's worth, I believe that this weird period of new uncertainty - between a shut down world that at least had become somewhat familiar, vs. a complete mishmash of information and expectations about what might be next - is once again really messing with our need for certainty, especially if you're not in line to be vaccinated. You might think about just sitting down and free-writing how you feel about that.

I think this is a profound observation, and I don't know whether it applies to you David, that is, how much your inner turmoil is related to the coming changes, but I appreciate you Jan putting this to words. It helps me have more compassion for myself. Just as the changes a year ago have had deep effects, so too will the coming months be profound for most of us...

Andy

 

[Balsa11]

I hope you're doing better today, David. You went through a bad night it seems.
Many of us have had dark, dark days and feelings.
Sometimes the best you can do is to distract yourself with whatever is around....at least to give your brain a chance to relax.
Often it's a matter of surrendering and not trying to figure ANY of it out.
Usually if I can watch a humorous movie...or a couple TV sitcoms in a row. Anything to lift out of the pattern of negative downward spiral.

I know this probably sounds trite, but sometimes it's letting the clock run past the worst of it and giving your mind a vacation from your own thinking.

Something that reduces overwhelm is a good thing, things are more casual and predictable. Also it's important not to put added pressure on yourself or overstimulating your mind. Symptoms are scary but you can take a break if you need it.

 

[Balsa11]

Something that reduces overwhelm is a good thing

Dear Davideus85,

You are expressing deeply troubling experiences. I am sorry, and hope some of the responses thus far are helpful.



What you describe above, is to me, indicative of profound inner work. I forget whether you have counseling support, but I hope so. In any case, observing from here, to me you're stirring some deep stuff, and doing a fair job of maintaining in the face of it. All normal responses to deep work, but very difficult for most to witness and tolerate...



I think this is a profound observation, and I don't know whether it applies to you David, that is, how much your inner turmoil is related to the coming changes, but I appreciate you Jan putting this to words. It helps me have more compassion for myself. Just as the changes a year ago have had deep effects, so too will the coming months be profound for most of us...

Andy

I definitely agree with the release of suppressed emotions. Irene Lyon's videos explain the importance of going at your own gradual pace to ease the mind-body and build capacity to handle and process these sensations and experiences.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Something that reduces overwhelm is a good thing, things are more casual and predictable. Also it's important not to put added pressure on yourself or overstimulating your mind. Symptoms are scary but you can take a break if you need it.

Yes. Be kind to yourself and the process, and assume that this work can be done within your control and at your own pace.

 

[jimmylaw9]

Bit of a realisation this morning that I am actually doing this to myself. The pain that is. Yeah it’s unconscious and it’s easy to blame that because you still don’t take responsibility.

today I realise it’s me doing it to myself to stop me doing other things I love or hate. I need to stop it and now. No more blaming unconscious.

 

[tb_player]

The fear that it will be there forever is what’s keeping it there forever. I’ve just recently got comfortable with crying. Sit let it pass over your body will not like it. You might not even know what you are crying about just do it. Eventually you’ll exhaust yourself n feel calm.

I believe it’s my sadness coming out of me.

Reading this post just helped me to have a good cry, thank you! I've a very emotional person deep down, but am constantly trying to hide it because I'm afraid of what people will think. I learned that from my mother. Like you, I've have been trying (slowly) to get more comfortable with crying. It's hard and my body fights it, especially if I'm not alone, but it really does make a difference in my perspective and my mood. It feels good. I came here in the midst of feeling incredibly down, anxious, and fearful, similar in many ways to what Davideus85 described. Your post (and my subsequent cry), at least for a few minutes, gave me some relief from that. And sometimes, a few minutes is all I need to remember that this will pass and that things will get better.

The ups and downs of this thing are wild sometimes. When I'm down, lots of my thoughts center around getting back to when I was up. I convince myself that I'll never get back to feeling good, even though, in this case, I was feeling pretty good just this morning.