Dealing With Tempermental Fatigue After Discovering TMS

[cn810]

Hello everybody,

I am a healthy 20-year-old. I tell myself that every day! Unfortunately, my brain is trying to convince me otherwise. I started having horrific chronic fatigue after the death of a family member and a close friend in quick succession almost three years ago. I was diagnosed with moderate-severe sleep apnea which was a huge shock because I am not overweight at all, but even after I got my CPAP my fatigue worsened. This intense suffering led me to a flimsy long covid diagnosis by a doctor. After being diagnosed with long covid I started having shortness of breath and then after Mother's Day this past May in which I slept 17 hours in one day I hit a breaking point and discovered a post on Reddit about someone talking about recovering from Sarno's work. I ceased all of the ridiculous supplements I was taking instantly, started forcing myself to sleep normal hours, etc, and improved massively overnight just from believing I am healthy again. I think most here will understand why Mother's Day of all days triggered such a reaction.

I have since read The Mindbody Prescription and The Divided Mind, done much emotional work aided by the education program on here, and found much progress. I'm sleeping 8h daily instead of 11, I'm running again, I've discovered what triggers extreme rage in me (not being believed, and then being unfairly punished for it -- comes from a whole host of terrible childhood experiences), so on. I believe my brain latched onto my legit medical condition, sleep apnea, as a 'vogue' excuse to create problems for me, and then expanded my problems once I became aware of long covid.

However, I have a persistent problem now. Most mornings are very difficult for me. I wake up and check my CPAP and see my score for the night and if it is anything but perfect I get very stressed about being tired, which then creates TMS fatigue because my brain has an excuse. I'll then spend half of the day trying to convince myself that I am healthy and not tired-- doing exactly what my brain wants me to do, thinking about the pain and not what's really going on. Of course, the fatigue goes away when I'm with people I enjoy or doing something I like.

Also, whenever I go for a run, I always get TMS-tired the next day. I know it is TMS-fatigue because if I prove to myself I am healthy by going on a walk or a run again the severe fatigue goes away for the rest of the day. Logically, I know it's my brain jumping for the excuse to distract me. I was on the varsity cross country team in HS and know how tired I am supposed to be after a run... nothing like this temperamental fatigue.

Finally, a childhood problem of aura (visual) migraines and severe nausea with it has returned-- obviously symptom substitution, and also occurring in the mornings. I'm fine now, but I just spent 2.5 hours coaxing myself out of one. I feel stuck; I've really worked and found success with my TMS, but I don't know how to run the final lap around this. There's still all this paranoia and fear I hold over my fatigue and it's coming out constantly. It's like I have to babysit this crazy child in my head and every day convince him that there is nothing wrong. What to do? How do I permanently fix this and get my brain to stop the substitution, the fear, and the temperamental TMS symptoms?

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hi @cn810 and welcome. You've provided some significant and intense information in a relatively short post, which I have to say is impressive - and appreciated - especially considering how many lengthy and agonizingly detailed recitations of symptoms we sometimes have to endure . You've already figured out that the symptoms are not the important part of the story, which is awesome.

There's a lot to unpack here, but let's start with your ultimate question

How do I permanently fix this

The short answer is that there is no such thing as a permanent fix, although we all understand why that seems to be implied in Dr Sarno's earliest works. TMS is not a condition that can be cured - it is actually a normal brain mechanism, which can be managed. The most important thing to know is that the mechanism wasn't designed for the modern world, and it definitely wasn't designed for the world of this century. This is important to understand so that you can start having compassion and patience for this part of your brain (your "crazy child") that actually just wants to keep you safe from a world full of what it believes are life-threatening dangers. It literally doesn't know the difference between a pack of hungry wolves and a horrendous traffic jam that's going to make you late for an important meeting. The stress you feel is what it's reacting to.

In the last several years we've had folks arriving here regularly, much older than you, who have been successfully managing their TMS for decades thanks to what they learned from Dr Sarno, before you were born in some cases, (some of them in person) - but they are finding that their coping skills just aren't enough for the multitude of current world stressors. Of course, aging as a stressor and a source of repressed rage can also be a factor (as mentioned in The Divided Mind) but at twenty, you're many decades away from dealing with that.


But getting back to you, I'm wondering just how much emotional work you have really done in the relatively short time you've been "doing the work". The fact that you had migraines in childhood indicates a strong likelihood of emotional adversity, long before the traumatic losses you suffered three years ago. I recommend checking out the short questionnaire about Adverse Childhood Experiences described here and see what comes up : https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/aces-quiz-online-printable-versions.27061 (ACEs "quiz" - online & printable versions)

I sense that you're already doing great work at twenty. You might consider engaging in therapy, especially since you've already made such a great start at thinking psychologically instead of physically.

These are just some of my thoughts, let us know what you think, and perhaps others will chime in. In the meantime, I just want to add that I particularly appreciate your very first sentence:

I am a healthy 20-year-old. I tell myself that every day

That's a good intro

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

discovered a post on Reddit about someone talking about recovering from Sarno's work. I ceased all of the ridiculous supplements I was taking instantly, started forcing myself to sleep normal hours, etc, and improved massively overnight just from believing I am healthy again. I think most here will understand why Mother's Day of all days triggered such a reaction.

This should tell you all you need to know - you should read and re-read this often. If simply becoming aware of a concept could have that much impact then the "investigation is over" and you can rest assured your issues are TMS.

I can relate to much of what you have written above especially regarding the exercise and the reliance on biometric tools to guide your day. All of these things, HR monitors, GPS watches, smart watches, CPAP monitors etc are just tools but a TMS mind (prone to OCD) will tend to take these things too far - relying on them for "how we feel" instead of actually, ya know, how we actually feel! Be wary of these things. And I say that as someone who uses half a dozen of them regularly (I'm wearing a Garmin smartwatch and an Oura ring right now).

Jan is correct above, there is no "permanent fix" for this condition, it requires work and continual work (although it does get easier in time as you become more of a pro at recognizing things for what they are). I think too often our society wants a pill or a doctor to fix us and there is a seduction for such an easy path. But nothing good in life comes easily. This work is worth it.

A few suggestions for what works for me:

- Evidence lists (Pros and Cons for TMS vs not)
- Reading and re-reading Sarno (you don't mention it above so I recommend the original "Healing Back Pain" - it's <$10 on Amazon)
- Listening to TMS podcasts (I like Eddy Lindenstein's "Mind and Body Fitness" but it's fairly masculine - if you want more feminine then Nicole Sachs is good)
- Keeping a light heart. TMS feeds on serious, we're-doomed thinking.
- Reminding yourself that your issues have gone away before, they can do so again.

Good luck!