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Dealing with Impatience

Michael Reinvented

Michael Reinvented

Peer Supporter
I would love some support on this one...

A typical recent cycle for me (where walking is the fear inducer from TMS affected bilatetal foot tendons), is as follows:

I have been doing good work on The SP, I need to walk an errand.... I should do it to prove to my brain that my feet are fine... FRUSTRATION/ANGER, what the hell I'll just do it.... then YOW, was that worth it??

In context, pre TMS - 6-7 kms/day for work was standard. Last 2 years 1km/day max.. trying to gradually build on this.
 
Sometimes you do need to work up to walking a certain distance. You can start small and build your way up from there. Also, the more pressure you put on yourself that harder it will be. Whenever you are asking the question of should or shouldn't you go for the walk you are in some way feeding the pain cycle. Think of this as the TMS distraction process in action.

TMS wants to create this frustration and anger about being active as a way to distract you and pull your attention back to your symptoms. Fully overcoming this involves accepting the diagnosis and, perhaps more importantly, no longer caring about the pain.

I had severe knee pain, which also prevented me from walking pretty much anywhere. This of course was problematic since I don't own a car, and had to take cabs everywhere. For me, I would not walk somewhere because I was afraid that my knee would start hurting along the way, and I wouldn't be able to make it to where I was going. I was a prisoner of my belief that I would hurt myself and that I was damaged.

Only by learning about TMS was I able to finally overcome this. Over a few weeks I just stopped caring if my knee hurt or not because I knew that it wasn't a structural problem. I understood that it was caused by repressed emotions and that physically I was strong.

Understanding what was going on really helped me, and hopefully it will help you as well. Reaching a point where you don't care about the pain, can take some time, but if you continue to educate yourself about TMS you will get there.
 
Thanks Forest.

I realise on Day 36, that the end of the SP has acted as a subconscious catalyst for me to work my body harder to hopefully see some net reduction in symptoms from Day 1... and "reward" the efforts of the past 5 weeks.
The "Calendar watch" has prompted crash or crash through activity, which is creating heaps MORE symptoms/ fear/anger and a reinforcing of that F ing Loop.

I will back off a touch and work on more acceptance. Keep reminding myself of the rewards (as articulated by Steve O and many others) of raw human suffering.

Onwards to Doc Schubi's work.
 
Michael reinvented:

Don't forget to love yourself. That was one I missed on the first go round. You are doing so well, but we get all the "junk" out and we replace it with love of self and others.

BG
 
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